mid-day meltdown

this morning, when i woke up i made a choice that today was for the two double a batteries, as my mom has nicknamed adeline & amelia. i would do whatever with them & have fun & sit on the floor or on they were leading me to do. adeline got to watch curious george before eating her breakfast & for her snack, we made a cereal-snack necklace (which she ate in a matter of 90 seconds, oh my goodness folks). amelia went down for a morning nap for the first time since last saturday! seriously, no joke...it's been a rough week to say the least.

then adeline & i did the *great missing puzzle piece search* & we found all the pieces that have been missing for the past few weeks (AHA: the 'h' was hidden under a side table) then we put all the puzzles together. we did laundry, etc & once amelia woke up, played in the playroom. lunch went well & everyone was pleased with daddy's grilled hot dogs even though all our bread & buns were moldy (how does that happen when we JUST bought them?!)...btw: we didn't eat the moldy bread. we ate the hot dogs a la atkins diet.

after wes left i promised adeline a walk around the neighborhood...she directed me towards the park, naturally. amelia started to cry along the way; then she started to belt it out, crying, crying, crying. i took her out & let her sit on the steering bars of the stroller. she was happy. at the park, things took a big turn for the worse. amelia's nose is running non stop & then her eye starts to swell shut!

what.is.going.on.???

we make it home, call the ped & speak with a nurse. long story short, it's probably her allergies again. the allergies we thought she had, then didn't think she had, so stopped her meds a few months ago, & now again it's happening. all over. thanks dr sotos from wednesday's appointment when i mentioned that something is amiss in amelia. (that was filled with sarcastic anger, in case you didn't catch that). did you even take the time to read her chart (b/c our usual ped is on vacation). oh wonderful dr sotos, you could have picked up up on this one had you cared to take the time.

for the past 90 minutes i have yet again been wrestling with a baby, trying my hardest to get her to sleep. b/c she's exhausted & on ibuprofen & benedryl (per nurse recommendations) & her eyes are all red & her nose won't stop running continuous snot into ther mouth. instead amelia fights me & is kicking & flailing her head & arms every which way. i finally get her to sleep & adeline walks in talking loudly & wakes amelia up.

I GIVE UP. i am admitting defeat today; i feel trampled on & worn down from everything going on. i don't have the energy to even know what else to do for amelia. yea i took an anxiety pill awhile ago & here i am, still losing it. i just keep wondering if it's asking too much of god to intervene & at least heal amelia's allergies or virus or whatever the hell is going on with her. that bullshit line of 'god only gives you what you can handle'...well, that's what it is, bullshit. b/c right now, this week, i am way over my head of what i can handle. beyond it, to the moon, as adeline would say.

i have never doubted in god before. i've strayed away, all the while knowing he was there, with me, helping & guiding me & shielding me from the terrible blows. but not this week, i am just admitting that i feel totally alone. i hear from nearly everyone that they are praying for me & here i am, when i need to feel god most, i feel nothing but anxiety & sadness & overwhelmed with the stress of a pending *huge* surgery & sick kids with asses for pediatricians. i don't know exactly what i'm saying here about god & all, but what i am asking for is *more* whatever that means b/c my choice to have a good day has totally been over-ridden with more illness & confusion & frustration to the point where choosing to have a calmness about me is beyond my control.

so yea. what.the.hell.is.going.on. it's not like i'm job or something. right, god, right?

here's to my oldest little girl...

...who's no longer a baby. at all. she no longer wants us to sing to her before naps or bed time! yea, wahhhhaaatt? she holds her hand over our mouth & says 'bebe, no no, bebe' as in saying 'that's for babies mama, please, i'm not a baby.' sigh. BUT she does want us to hum! i will hum as long as she lets me.

i'm trying to spend as much fun time with them as possible. which isn't very possible when everyone is sick & grumpy. grrr. even though my head is POUNDING from migraines & stress, it's time for me to let it go & just have fun with my girls.

so in honor of addy's new found level of girl-hood i am posting a timeline of pictures (she also gets her own snacks ready, not keeping it as clean as i would ya know, carries her plate to & from the table, drinks out of a regular cup, wants to do grown-up things like wash dishes & sweep the floor, etc. i could go on & on, but you may get bored). i am just floored how much she has matured this past year. & i'm sure once she's in preschool i will be overcome with her abilities & independence. but it's all good & part of the process of raising kids, eh?

adeline in utero, august 2006. payette (????) river, idaho (gah! did we really live so near a place that beautiful?!)

the proud daddy after adeline was born, sept 2006. he was singing a u2 song to her while she sucked on his finger (adeline hardly slept at all during her first 2 weeks of life...sucking/eating constantly, wow is that hard to remember).
adeline around 2 1/2 weeks old. see: finally sleeping after two weeks.
one of adeline's MANY MANY MANY poop blowouts. i'm sorry for those who find this disgusting, in my mama mind it's funny to think i actually took a picture of something like this & find it humorous still.

baby beauty, august 2007

just 1 of her 1 year photos. she *loves* being upside down.

karate addy. one of my top ten favorite pictures of adeline. it captures her spirit.
september 2007

the last night of breastfeeding. i was for sure more upset about it than she was.
october 2007

um, winter 2008
2nd sled ride & she loved it.

april, 2008
sweetie pie with her first boo-boo on her upper nose & this was taken minutes before the first really bloody boo boo on the concrete steps (yes, it did take that long to get a real boo boo...which is amazing for how daring she is)

april, 2009
becoming my big girl.

i immensely enjoy spending time with adeline. it's shocking to acknowledge that wes & i are responsible for her upbringing...an awing task. she is such a sunny, inspired, independent, & loving kid. although she has her moments of the typical 'mine mine mine' attitude towards other kids (esp amelia!) she is the first to notice when someone else is hurting (emotionally or physically) & i am so proud of that ability for her. i keep finding myself looking forward to learning more about her as she continues to learn more words & interact with us & everyone around her.

when addy was a baby i could not go anywhere without getting stopped several times with someone, even men of all ages, telling me how special & beautiful she is. i was like 'yea i know, why are you talking to me?' but that's just the truth of adeline. she is that & more.

it pains me recently to see how shy she is becoming...fearful of kids her age. i don't know exactly what the reason is behind this new found fear & anxiety (i'm guessing it has something to do with her speech delay & also just her new understanding of social interaction recently). i am trying everything i know of to keep her from going the route of shyness; i know from experience that it's not a good thing most of the time. i am praying that god sends a wonderful friend to her soon, someone she can trust & have grand fun times with.
adeline, i love you more than simple blog words can describe. i hope & pray that we continue to have a loving, honest, interactive!, & fun relationship based on mutual trust.

& now your wee sis is waking up from her short nap (this travesty has been going on all week! lordy lordy, do i need a day that doesn't involve wrestling sick kids to take a nap, esp this week).

oh my goodness?!

what have we been up to? where did my blogging skills go? well, folks...we are in the midst of preparing for the surgery, dealing with another round of that terrible cold virus (which gave adeline croup AGAIN), & then scrambling around like chickens with our heads chopped off for no good reason (except that darn surgery on tuesday).

freakity freak! yes, it IS on tuesday & when i let myself venture into the realm of thinking about it...i start to panic & imagine all those horrible scenarios, etc. not pretty, ladies & gents. SO. what can i do about that? i've gotten some good suggestions from friends & family & am trying my best to use positive coping tools (oh shucks don't i sound like a *good* social worker?).

monday night i went to my aunt zilpha's calling hours & viewing. i was very glad to go & even more happy that my sister drove me the 2+ hours to get there & then back again & also that my parents were there (b/c heck if i know half of the people there...my grandma's family is very expansive & i am so shy...lol). the mood was as it should be, somber but not miserably sad b/c zilpha lived a long life that she filled with joy & exuberance over the everyday life stuff.

then tonight we are preparing our house to get the carpets cleaned. putting stuff up on couches, beds, etc & then taking guesses on what adeline or amelia will spill first on the newly cleaned carpets. it WILL happen & it WILL be within a week. i can almost guarantee you that one, lol.

so...i hope to have more time to write a post about all the thanks i have to so many people who are praying for me & sending me things, doing stuff for me & my family. you are not forgotten & certainly are appreciated. but i am very tired & ready to watch a tivo'd csi show with the hub-ster.

5 days to go.

great aunt zilpha

i just got word that my great aunt zilpha passed away thursday night after a stroke last week, leaving half of her body paralyzed. she had signed a 'no feeding tube' thing in event of needing one. anyway, you'd think news would travel faster, but apparently not in my family; she was 97. yes, some of the women in the family live very long lives (my grandma great millie lived to be 105), not necessarily b/c their lives are easy, but b/c of that thing we like to call 'the stoneburner constitution'. (it's sort of a running joke in our family, b/c from the stoneburner family genes we also get many things that aren't good like arthritis, diabetes, thyroid problems, etc) but the idea is that stoneburner women make it through hell on earth & usually come out better for it. zilpha is just one example.

i have always felt a certain connection to her for some reason. i've been told that when she was younger (oh, say age 20-50's or 60's?) that she was not the most pleasant person to be around b/c she had a very rough life (maybe say like me while pregnant? a bit snappy & irritable?) for a reason unknown to me. she was the first of 5 kids born to a farming family, meaning that she probably did farm work & then help to raise her younger siblings from dawn until dusk until she left the farm to marry (a quiet man...i don't know, i don't remember ever meeting him). then from snippets of stories, i have heard that she found jesus later in life & became the zilpha i knew.

she lived in barnesville, ohio. it's a small town in southern ohio complete with the hills of the appalachian foothills. i remember sitting in her big 'ole truck (you know, the f-250 or something of the like; the kind with huge wheels) & holding on for dear life as she snapped around the hills & turns. she was in her 70's at this time, when i was young. so yes, let's picture her. first, she was a tiny lady, probably 5'2" (???) & small boned. i thought she was pretty; she has the typical harper (from my great-grandma millie) look about her, you know more pale than not skin, lighter hair, lighter eyes, etc. on this specific day (that my mom & i were just talking about recently) she was wearing (what i thought) was a magnificent outfit: a striped multi-colored skirt that went just below her knees, another multi-colored large polka-dot button up collared shirt (tucked in, of course), some version of the white, tie-up sneaker w/ socks. i don't remember if there was accompanied sunglasses or hat, but for sure not jewelry. she was *spunky* & laughed & made jokes & bought the kids ice cream all the time when with her. that was the day we (myself, sister, mom, & brother...i don't think my dad was with us) were taken around barnesville, salesville, & other surrounding wee towns learning about our ancestors (looking at old houses, gravestones, churches where weddings took place, one barn, the original stoneburner farm barn, that burned down--& had hundreds of black snakes under it & it IS a family trait to be terrified of snakes, btw). when we stayed at my grandma great's house, she would hop into the house & convince my grandma &/or mom that we needed some sort of treat for breakfast (usually a cinnamon roll, if i remember correctly) instead of the usual honey-comb cereal (which for my family was something we didn't get at home, either). it's hard to explain, but she was the sort of person who--in my opinion--lit up the room when she entered.

she told wonderful stories about the trials & events of my ancestors & grandma. she could spin a yarn--a true yarn--out of their hard lives that made me laugh & gape & be filled with wonder. she made me actually enjoy & feel tied-to the appalachian roots that i have instead of feeling a bit distant from my relatives who still live there. b/c of her driving us around & pointing out all the structures & landmarks that signify something in my family, i can drive to salesville & barnesville by myself & know my way around. in fact, i did this several times without anyone knowing (college years! lol) b/c somehow if feels calming to me now (but the family reunions that range from 100-300 people? not so calming) & then i would tell my grandma 'i went to salesville the other day just to look around' & she would look at me surprised & i would tell her where i went & she would just smile & tell me i should've called zilpha or faye & had lunch or dinner with them. (now i wish i would have, ya know?). maybe i was also seeing if i could drive my little white geo prizm around those turns & up & down hills as fast as the spunky, elderly aunt could...at one time, when my grandma & i saw each other on a weekly basis (during my senior year of high school, when i went to college instead & had fridays off & would stop to visit my grandma) anyway, my grandma told me once & never again! that i reminded her of zilpha (& that was a compliment, i believe). to get something like that out of my grandma, a mostly emotionally-reserved woman, is amazing & i have always remembered that & agreed.

so, her home is a small 1 1/2 story house on top of a huge hill (when i saw lemony-snickets (sp??) series of unfortunate events, i immediately thought that house on the cliff reminded me of zilpha's home). it's filled with (unbeknownst to her, or if she new, she didn't pride herself in them) antiques & she collects salt & pepper shakers. i have often come across some s&p shakers that i nearly bought for her, but stopped myself thinking she would find it silly. i don't know, i was just in awe of her for some reason, still am. she had these old patchwork quilts & tables/chairs, etc that were in wonderful shape but she didn't see a need to buy the new stuff b/c the old worked just fine.

when i visited once with my grandma when i was in 18 & wearing patchwork clothes & trying to dread my hair & didn't shave, zilpha was the only aunt who laughed with glee at my clothes & talked to me about how i put them together & gave me tips on how to keep them from fraying (something my mom probably could've done if i had just asked, lol). my grandma just looked at zilpha like she was crazy for encouraging me to dress like this, but zilpha just grabbed my hand & smiled. i totally forget why i had driven my grandma down there & i don't even remember what season it was, but i remember zilpha's kindness.

if you're so inclined, here is a link to her obituary.

http://www.webfh.com/fh/obituaries/obituary.cfm?o_id=254562&fh_id=11173&ck=1

indeed, we are.

please, if you have any reservations about reading crass language, stop & wait until my next post. & don't think any less of wes & i ...b/c you haven't lived our day.
***
so what is the title of this post referring to? well, wes & i went to this movie awhile ago, while my parents watched the girls, away we go was the movie. pretty good, made us laugh. anyway, during the movie the couple asked themselves several times 'are we fuck ups? i think we are fuck ups for sure.' so wes & i have had this joke going back & forth when something near disastrous happens or we're just all melancholy & weepy & then we ask the other person, are we fuck ups? & it will usually get a good laugh from us.

today (& parts of the past month!) confirms it: we are fuck ups.

b/c adeline couldn't imagine living life without something on the back patio as wes was shutting the sliding door & amelia was also racing out the door...adeline used amelia as a floor. she ran over her bottom & didn't listen as her daddy told her (in his most firm voice) addy stop! she ran right over amelia's head, quickly & fervontly digging it into the sharp metal tracks of the door with her feet. we never did find out what was so important to adeline that she would risk getting shut in a door. anyway, amelia was instantly covered in blood & shaking & screaming. wes took her (i am so not good with blood) & i took adeline for a good talking to that ended with adeline also screaming (i believe in response to amelia's screams of agony). the verdict: amelia split her tongue, from tip to towards the back. the split is probably as long as her front tooth. & if you've never seen this before--which i hadn't before today--you don't want to. it's very amazingly gross. tongue flappin' around where it shouldn't be, blood pouring out, parents panicking, baby girl trampled, preschool girl feeling very crappy about herself & crying on her time out chair.

so that is nearly behind us. the nurse told us there's not much a doctor could do for us & recommended that we give her a popsicle. amelia abhors cold things, especially frozen food, so my attempt at a simple ice cube in a teething mesh-thing was quickly refused & thrown across the room. yes, she does have a good arm! (thank you for noticing, lol)...but under no circumstances are we to give her any food above luke-warm temperatures. & amelia refuses most bottles that are not *hot* so we are looking at a dire situation. oh & no table food, which is the bulk of her food intake at this point. the nurse also mentioned that we could give her some pudding. my heart skipped a beat. i could do pudding! so i made some yogurt pops with peaches for tomorrow then i put amelia in her high chair next to the stove (agreed? what kind of a mama puts a baby in a high chair next to a flame & hot pan?! fuck ups. but it worked out. this time.) & made the pudding. she ate about half a bowl (oh, about one serving size) for dinner then i shoved the bottle down her throat, trying to avoid the tip of her tongue (it had bled off & on throughout the afternoon of discontent, aka millie didn't sleep longer than 9 minutes at a time for 1 hour, which seems to me to add up to around 20 minutes somehow b/c of how long it would take to get her back to sleep). point is: amelia is in a lot of pain, plus teething (so she's shoving everything in her mouth, leading now to more tongue pain & bleeding). we hopped her up on benedryl tonight, wish us luck!

the 2nd foul of the day happened just recently. while i was putting amelia down at an astoundingly early hour (7:15!), wes took adeline for a walk around the hood. on the way home, addy was jumping off large rocks. first jump into the grass went find. 2nd jump that daddy said no to but she did it anyway, well the 2nd jump she landed on the concrete, then skidded her lips across the concrete. ouch. so she came back with quite a big lip, something a bird would probably try to land on if given the chance. i heard wes come into the house & ask me if i had started to soak the bloody clothes from earlier. i said almost. he said we have more, b/c we're fuck ups. & i walk upstairs to see addy putting on her brave face with a blankie from the stroller half covered in her blood. but, smart adeline used this to her advantage to snag a few m&m's & then also some chocolate chips from the open bag.

yesterday, amelia pooped & peed on the floor twice each (hmm, she peed 3 times actually) while a friend was over. a friend i don't know very well. a friend who is pregnant & easily nauseous. she didn't leave our house screaming & running, though. but still, there goes buck naked amelia (b/c she had a terrible diaper rash, so we let her wiggle & crawl around without a diaper to speed the healing process. really works). anyway, amelia's crappin' all over the place & peeing & grinning the whole time. that was after i also found a huge spider on a blanket that i was giving her (out of a bag that had been sitting on our porch for almost a week, mind you...she is getting a lot of our baby girl clothes).

so we wonder, what do folks really think of us, with bloody kids & as you will read below, mostly naked wee ones with poop & pee being dropped at every turn.

***
why does adeline insist on being near naked most of the time? i'm really hoping this is normal for her age. (anyone want to agree with this?! please?). here's some examples:

• last night, around 7:15 p.m. adeline was riding/pushing her tricycle down the sidewalk. she was about one house down & suddenly got off her trike & started dancing around like mad. it was immensely adorable, folks. then i watched in *horror* as she threw/kicked her shoes off & then proceeded to take her shorts off. then her underwear. (the whole time i'm pulling weeds & shrieking to her to get her clothes back on). adeline looks at me with a huge smile & then continues to do her dance. i walked over to wes, who was watering our weed--errr, veggie--garden to tell him that his daughter is naked from butt down & he needs to take care of her. b/c that was only the 4th or 5th time she's stripped down in a matter of milliseconds(!!) just that day (yes, in front a guest).
• after amelia's near death trample, wes took adeline to work with him. he grabbed videos & snacks to keep her occupied & it worked, from what i know she did great. except the conference room incident. she was watching her videos in the conference room--thankfully where no one else was--& suddenly had the urge to pee. in her dora undies & jeans. so naturally, she then decided to go nude b/c wowzers, those pee filled clothes are uncomfortable, right? so wes decides to check on adeline & walks in to find her sitting completely naked in a huge conference room style chair laughing & having a grand time watching dora. she looked at wes & said simply 'pee pee' & gave a sour look. so wes tells her to *STAY PUT* & goes off to his desk to get her 2nd pair of clothes (that i put in there for him, you're welcome) & then to his horror hears the little pitter patter of adeline accompanied with her giggles. yup, streaking child in an engineering office. you *know* that security guard watching the tapes is like "whhhaattt? i'm calling CPS!" oh my goodness is it so wonderful that none of wes' co-workers saw this sight; wes would never be able to live it down.

i just keep wondering, what next?

the good thing about today is that i snuggled amelia & took a mama-heart-snapshot of her sprawled out on top of me, in her rocking chair, asleep & snoring softly. she had this little curl coming down in the middle of her forehead & then another straggler off to the left side of her head. she was my not so tiny baby, who only wanted to snuggle up to her mama & b/c wes took adeline for the afternoon, i was able to be there for amelia's every need (even if it was every 9 minutes) & i was hit with joy that i have chosen to stay home (that joy doesn't hit very often, lol). (& oh man, i'm not saying that working moms wouldn't be able to be there for their child in the time of need...these are just my thoughts from this). this whole harold situation has put a spotlight on some things & the decision to spend so much time with my girls that it drives me nutso, well, i've decided its a good one after all.

vacation.

well, we are back & i have my druthers about me enough to make a video of the parent vacation (aka: last vacation with harold). enjoy!



so what did we do? we putzed around ypsilanti saturday afternoon & evening (found a GREAT thrift/resale shop that's only open two days a week...a good find). we walked nearly everywhere in ypsi (as the local-yocals call it) & if i had known it was a walking town, i would've brought my tennies for further adventures around town. then we went to ikea to round out our bedroom re-do & find some birthday gifts for the girls (we were successful at both). plus we ate lunch there & i love their mac n cheese & meatballs! wes loves their salmon & their juice...so we were both happy. then we found our way to 'depot town' in ypsi for sunday night. it's sort of a more 'artsy-hippie' area of town, but they had great beer & a train went through the town, about 40 feet away from our table! that was crazy & cool. then monday was my birthday! so wes lined up an hour long massage for me in ann arbor & after that we walked around looking for a recommendation by the bed & breakfast owner: zingerman's. they have amazing cheeses, breads, meats, & really anything that you need to make a wonderful sandwich or mediterranean dish (olives, olive oil, sauces, etc). it was amazing (once we found it...we had to call my dad to look it up on google earth/maps b/c we were hungry & tired & we had been walking for quite awhile by then). so we found mecca aka zingerman's & then went back to the b&b so i could finish my book ('escape'...thank you hillary, who sent me an entire box of books to read while dealing with harold. this was about that lady who escaped the fundamentalist latter day saints cult. i couldn't put it down until it was finished...). anyway, then we went back to ann arbor (not that long of a drive) for dinner & some walking. we went to the melting pot, a fondue restaurant, which is a tradition for my birthday. did i ever mention that i am in love with cheese (& chocolate?). i am. we even ordered some champagne (okay, only half a bottle, b/c we're cheap). tuesday we went back to ikea to pick up the large items & then headed home to westerville. i went on to cinnamon lake to pick up the girls & wes stayed here to unpack, put together the stuff we got (a large mirror thing & two glass dresser things...so not stuff we could leave laying around with the girls. crazy crawling baby + curious preschooler + sheets of glass & mirror (could) = disaster & trip to ER.

that's our trip, in a nutshell! we had a lot of fun, slept in, joked around with each other & wes even agreed to go into some art galleries! good times (for me). the funny thing is that we also went to a bike shop b/c that's my bday gift (in addition to the massage), a bike with a trailer. i originally asked for this before we found out about harold...then i sort of put it off as a not so good idea b/c of the whole balance-issue thing. but dr welling said i should be able to ride a bike again by spring! so we looked at different bikes & options (we have decided to buy a new bike & attempt to find an used trailer for the girls). thing is: i'm a bit afraid to get on a bike & ride one b/c i've been having issues with keeping my balance while on two feet lately...throw in a few wheels & handlebars & i may just be in trouble. so there we were at a bike shop, trying to explain (without just saying 'i have a brain tumor that affects my balance' which would shock the dude so much that i was afraid he wouldn't answer my questions...??) anyway, the great debate is on: townie bike or the usual (uh, i don't remember what the usual is called, but something with more gears & the ability to be in a more 'pump-able' position as i will be riding to uptown westerville, which includes a very steep hill. i just don't think a townie could pull that off).

anyway. what great thoughts did i come away with, from my time off? a few things:

• i really like my husband & am so glad we're married. we are able to have a lot of fun just bumming around a small college town. he even doesn't mind when i go off to a corner to read a book for a few hours! he had me cracking up with his quirks & tenderness towards me.
• people were surprised that we weren't in ypsilanti for the elvisfest. seriously?! although, we had no choice but to hear a few elvis-impostors singing away b/c our b&b was so close to the festival. those old folks can go late into the night...much later than we wanted them to. a few 'tell elvis to shut the hell up' flew around. then when the impostors started to sing elton john & the righteous brothers...we knew chances of sleeping before midnight was gone.
• others (by others, i mean the b&b owner, guests, strangers, etc) are interested in talking to me until the question "so what do you do?" & then my answer of i'm a stay at home mom is given & every.single.person. stopped talking to me. some didn't even give me a reply, they just moved on to wes & talked with him about his work. why the hell is this?! talk about hurtful & odd. i guess my life at home with kids sounds so utterly boring or devastating that it's not even worth talking about. ??? then i would be mostly ignored by the questioner....which leads me to my next thought....
• wow is racism an odd thing to talk about at breakfast at a b&b! b/c no one was directly talking to me, i was able to just listen in on the conversation (except when wes talked to me) & was struck by what was being said about the south vs. north, parts of town being for blacks (or "them") & the differences between an educated & uneducated black person. wes was just sort of trying to wiggle his way out of these conversations, but these folks persisted. i felt a warm glow in my heart knowing that these things are untrue & racist & sterotypical of those who don't think before they speak, etc etc. then they kept talking. & talking. so i then said something along the lines of 'i went to school for social work &...' off it went from there. i just couldn't take it anymore. so some dude from kentucky or tennessee who was in ypsi for business got an earful (a polite earful, but still). it astounds me when i talk to people who are not in the same thought-process as i am, not meaning 'white, college etc' but those who see race differently & social justice differently & have different values. i kept my anger in check, which is very good b/c if unleashed, it's just never a good thing when discussing social issues. anyway. just an observation: racism is still pervasive, sadly. we have come so far as a nation, but not far enough.
• i miss my kids even when on a vacation that is specifically not kid-involved. wes & i said things back & forth imitating the girls & how they would respond to something we saw or heard. for instance, a siren would be heard & we would look at each other & give our best WOOOO WOOO noises like addy. or commenting how much amelia would love to eat the mulch & dirt at the b&b gardens. that sort of thing.
• i like taking vacations without kids, even when i miss them. i am hoping wes & i can do this again in february or march. NO KIDS! just for a few days, at least.

***

we have our first ripe tomato! yes, indeed. it has begun, the great tomato times are upon us. just in time b/c tonight i plan on making fried green tomatoes. yum yum yum.

here you have it.

i just read this on the motherlode blog:

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/07/10/counting-cuddles/#more-3663

interesting, eh?

what do you think?

i especially like the part about breastfed babies sleeping less than bottle fed babies (i would've told you that one). i've had this nagging feeling since i started to bottle feed amelia that adeline was held more than amelia, so i have compensated that time in my head. this study helps to let me know that it's probably necessary for me to compensate (although for quite some time it took amelia a long time to finish a bottle).

so out of the home working moms out there, let the guilt go. & to *some* stay at home moms, stop judging those working moms! (or to some breastfeeding moms, stop judging those non breastfeeding moms, etc etc).