what helps me get through the day.

thankfully the answer to the title of this post isn't a narcotic or alcohol or abusing my kids! lol. but it's remembering that i am only their parent... true, i was pregnant with both of them, right. i know all of that. i mean, i TRULY remember their pregnancies & births; no problem with that. what i mean, is that one day they will leave the security of this house, of my/our care & that during this time of growth & development, god has given them to me to take care of. to nurture & discipline. to teach & love. you get the idea, i'm sure. but really, they are not mine to direct; they are god's & i am merely the parent.

so on days like today, when i am ready to lose my mind over all the things a toddler can get into & why a toddler won't take a nap when she is obviously exhausted & why a baby who is obviously tired won't take a nap...when i'm ready to lose it & yell over spilt water...the good days are the ones when i am able to stop myself & remember that i am merely the parent. who knows why adeline likes to take cups out of the dishwasher (when dirty) fill them up with water & drag them around the house, flinging water everywhere she goes. or why she poops & pees on the floor constantly instead of in the potty right beside the puddle. or why millie can be so moody & wants to be held constantly on some days, to the point that i have severe back pain from lugging her around. geez oh man, being a parent is hard, especially when it's what i do all day.

like i said, on the good days i am able to stop myself from yelling at things that really may be better to calmly address. yea, they still baffle me & i may cry instead of yell. who knows which is better. hey, sometimes i even just laugh at the whole dog-gone situation, but that's not always possible b/c i am human & not a very patient one at that. i am here to teach them love & kindness & human decency...it is impossible to remember that sometimes. while reading those books i took out from the library about motherhood, i'm realizing that maybe i'm not as impatient as i thought i was, well, at least compared to some other women & mothers. & i also don't feel this intense guilt that some moms feel over things like whether to work or not or whether to feed them organic or non organic or whether i will homeschool or not (i am SO NOT a homeschool mama type...i daydream about good things to come when amelia enter kindergarten, although i will be a basketcase of crying that day). i make a decision & that's that. i feel guilty over other things: not breastfeeding amelia (which i am so over! thankfully), not living closer to their grandparents (yes, i know we moved 2,000 miles closer than we were originally, but i would still like them to see them more often...note to grandparents: not that you should feel guilty about this either!)...that we haven't found a church yet where we feel at home.

anyway, i think i was rambling a bit & forgot where i was going with that last part. bottom line for today: i am tired & have severe cabin fever & have started my period yet again (for those who are wondering: yes, all the pms symptoms come with each new nearly bi-weekly period from this wonderful iud contraption) & i am just plain stir crazy. but i was able to stop myself & remember that they are my gift, a blessing. if i will one day look back & laugh at how crazy life is right now, i should probably laugh at it now as well. especially when addy tries to put my underwear on instead of her own or amelia learns that she LOVES sweet potatoes & that she busts out the snaps on the 6-9 month outfit that she has worn once. i guess good times can also be frustrating & make a mama cry. maybe by the time they are off to school i will learn to laugh...???

to answer judy's comment question...

you be the judge. do you think they still look alike? as their mom, i for sure do. you also have to take into consideration that adeline had 2 pounds on amelia, even at this age. for those who have seen amelia lately & may think that she's a big baby...just imagine then how chunky addy was! hilarious.

adeline at 4 1/2 - 5 months.

here are amelia pictures between 4 1/2 & 5 months...really, add 2 pounds onto millie, mostly in the face. i think there is a strong resemblence. only time will tell! notice how addy couldn't hold her head up very well...all due to her enormous noggin. poor girl. at least she's grown into it now :o)

i just wanted to put this one in here to let everyone see addy's rolls at 4 1/2 months. amazing. this was all breastmilk, as well. i gained about 50 pounds with her & then lost 45 within the first 4 months (then it took another 8 months to lose that last 5...hhm).

wes had to work today, boo hoo. it was fun to have a snow day yesterday with the family. this morning millie is picking a picky eater & it's driving me crazy! she will only take a few ounces at a time & then will wiggle all over the place trying to get the bottle out of her mouth. i don't like to compare the two girls, but, i will anyway right now! adeline was the best eater as a baby (& now for the most part). every 2 1/2 to 3 hours, she was starving hungry & would nurse for at least 20 minutes. every time, sick or not. there was no question about 'how long did she nurse?' b/c you already knew the answer. but not millie. ugh, she will squirm & spit up & cry & flail about just trying to get 2 ounces into her every 3 or 4 ounces. then suddenly she will take 8 ounces in a matter of 15 minutes...we just never know what to expect with her. during her growth spurt a few weeks ago, she would take 7 ounces every 4 hours & that is the most predictable she's ever been.

i just have to say that breastfeeding her would be a nightmare! well, it was for the short while i was breastfeeding her, so...anyway. whatever it was that she reacted so negatively to in my breastmilk, it saved a lot of misery for her & i.

winter wonderland in our backyard

wes had the day off today due to the level 2 snow emergency going on here. we're having a little bit of a snow situation in ohio. in columbus, it's more like an ice & snow situation...last night we were on the edge of the snow & ice, so we got both in layers. thankfully, westerville really is awesome about plowing the roads, even in our measly subdivision. i knew there was a good reason we pay more than columbus in taxes. anyway, below i have a classic shot of the plow truck backing up into the lightpost in our front yard. i was watching him for awhile & then suddenly BAM, right into it he went. pretty funny to see someone run into something like that (hhhmm, like my husband did with the moving trucks?!). this picture was taken at 1:14 pm...

shot of the swingset. i think we had 2 inches of snow yesterday, then 1/2 inch of ice last night, then another 6 inches of snow today. crazy!!

so being stuck inside, i made exactly what sounded wonderful: homemade vanilla pudding. oh yum yum. then i made banana chocolate chip muffins b/c adeline has eaten nearly all 16 of the rasberry muffins i made on sunday already.

i have much more to say about "stuff" but i am way too tired. these sick kids & me being sick, well, i'm just very tired from it all. i think millie & i are finally getting over it. we're just really hoping she sleeps well tonight.

amelia, 5 months

here's a top ten for amelia's 5th month birthday.

major accomplishments in her 5 months of life thus far:

1. she broke the milk machine (heidi).
2. every day is a fantastic hair day, baby-style.
3. she hasn't thrown up in target yet.
4. she cries so loud in the mall that everyone stares.
5. even when we 'double bib' it, her top & onesie become soaked in a matter of minutes.
6. she made every person over the age of 65 oooooogle over her when walking in the bjorn with me at the rec center....so she's had about 20 old people touch her hair & say 'MY, WHAT HAIR'.
7. she has learned to spit already...long distance spitting, even.
8. her true nickname from her daddy is "sneaky shit" b/c she doesn't make noises when she poos, it's just suddenly there.
9. even though she hasn't done this since december 4th, she has slept through the night.
10. she likes to snuggle. love it.

a fun time in the 'saucer.

come on, what a cutie.

an intense look.

a classic millie look, goofball.

& millie sick makes 3

*SIGH* i don't want the weekend to be over already. i'm ready for another 3 day weekend. i feel like being a toddler & throwing a magnificent tantrum. i'm so dern tired of someone in this house being sick! so now amelia has the terrible cold (mine was bad for 2 days & is now remarkably better) but poor millie is not doing well with it. she had a very rough day on saturday (okay, snot vomit is NAS-TY) with a high fever & a call to the pediatrician was made. thankfully, he didn't think we should rush anywhere, as long as she's eating. which she is eating, just not as much as she normally does (her usual is 6-8 oz per feeding 5 times a day, plus two rice cereal meals; today it's 2-4 oz 5 times, without rice cereal). today she's just pretty miserable, especially once she woke up from her morning nap (i guess we should be thankful she took a nap!) & someone had to be holding her the rest of the day. finally at about 6:45, she let us put her down into the jumparoo & smiled for about 15 minutes. glorious! i love her smile.

poor girl is going to be 5 months tomorrow. what a crappy way to ring in a mini-birthday. here's a picture of the only way she would fall asleep the rest of the day...in the bjorn. last night wes played hero dad & wouldn't let anyone else feed her at night. he gets this 'i want to take care of everything' thing going on sometimes. it's great b/c, ya know, he SPRINGS out of bed when he hears the sickie whimper & then hurdles laundry baskets & whatever else. seriously, he moves very fast for being asleep 1 second before. me, on the other hand...i'm probably still pulling the pillow off my head (i sleep with a pillow on my head...no, wes isn't trying to suffocate me! lol) & wondering where the heck wes is. he's like superhero. but being a superhero makes him tired the next afternoon. WAIT. maybe he plans it out b/c then he gets to take a nap with adeline...hhmm, i think i'm onto him now. really, that's the only way we could get addy to nap today (& boy did she need it; talk about grumpy toddler with no nap when half sick).

here's addy from today. she was upset b/c i wasn't letting her take the picture. she had a pretty good weekend after she had antibiotics in her to kick the double ear infection. plus, her grandma sue was here, so that's always fun & exciting! AND you must take note of her fly dora cup. she loves flinging the plastic straw part to send water flying everywhere.

this is the obama cookie my mother in law snagged for me from a party she went to this week. i did try to eat it after the picture was taken, but had a hard time eating the stiff icing. but the cookie is still pretty cool, eh?

millie & mama. another position that we had most of the evening. i think our noses are equally as red & swollen.

we somehow got about 2 more inches of snow today...it was the large, cold snow that's just amazing to see. even adeline agreed that it was beautiful. i am crossing my fingers that we will not get a new illness this week (tuesday & friday seems to be our witching days).

i don't have much to say tonight...i'm really bummed that millie is having such a rough go with this virus. there's nothing i can do besides some minor infant medicine & a humidifier, ya know? she just cries & cries. i just want a healthy family for awhile. i know kids get sick a lot, but this is absurd. we still have at least 2 more months of winter here in ohio; if we keep with our current numbers, that's at least 4 more illnesses for everyone.

*SIGH*

wes is watching "airwolf" & the music is so incredibly 80's & terrible. i feel like i should be bopping all around with leg warmers & those stretchy foot pants & my hair on top of my head in a side ponytail.

new colors

by request of some blog readers, i have changed some colors & size of font...is this better, ye picky readers? ;o) really, i do want it to be easy to read....

our little event planner

i have decided that adeline would be a GREAT event planner. yesterday morning she was eating a snack. but it wasn't 'just so'...she gets this look & says 'i will do it' & then runs off to get something. a napkin, a fork, a sippy cup. then she comes back & wants me to have a snack...with a napkin, a fork (we were eating some of my rasberry muffins) & a drink. when amelia is taking a bottle or eating cereal, adeline ensures that she has a clean & dry bib & burp cloth, then she will put millie's zantac dropper in the certain spot & asks in her way of asking if i gave her the zantac & when i say 'yes, i gave it to her' she nods her head as if to say 'good, just checking mama'. when playing with her puzzles, there is a routine to hold onto & all the elements have to be just right. preschoolers are so interesting in their love of routine. but like i said, i think she will make an exceptional event planner...

this is the picture meant to post the other day, when talking about how much adeline imitates us. how did i forget to post the picture? who knows! but it's here now. wes is feeding amelia in this picture & adeline found her doll, then the doll's bottle & then sat beside wes feeding her doll. it was very cute. she's just darn cute.

a great smiling picture of amelia. this past week she has started laughing at addy. it's not just giggling, it's full out laughing. i love it. addy will get really close & do this baby talk & move her head all around & amelia digs it. millie has a terrible cold right now, but she is still happy most of the time. amazing! it seems millie just really enjoys being here, hanging out with us. her eyes seem to be taking everything in lately, as well...learning all about life via 'adeline's school of baby talk'. in a few months they are going to have a fun time...already addy is dragging millie, inch by inch, across the floor. sometimes i find amelia halfway across the room from the play gym when i leave to use the restroom or change laundry or whatever. i know that millie is strong, but come on, that's a bit much. so early this week i peeked around the door to watch what was going on & sure enough, there was addy, pulling millie by her feet little by little across the floor, jabbering away the entire time. i think she is trying to take her to read books, which is on the other side of the living room.

in other news, adeline has used the potty for both bodily functions now & yesterday, she peed in the potty without me even asking her if she needed to 'potty' as we call it. she walked over to me holding the kid potty center part (the circle...you guys know what i'm talking about?) & going 'oohhww' & waving her hand & saying 'sk-ky' which i think means 'stinky'. so i think it's finally clicking with her. yippee! i'm counting down my two kid diaper changing days. already we have cut her number of diapers by 2/3 b/c she wears training undies during the day & a diaper only when sleeping or leaving the house. pull ups next!

last night adeline woke up at 1:15 a.m...i went in to comfort her a bit, she fell back asleep. all is good. 20 minutes later, it happens again. then 5 minutes after that, then 20 minutes after that. & on & on. finally we bring her into our bed, which we really have never done, b/c the only thing that seems to calm her down is us holding her upright & rocking. it's very very difficult to sleep with a toddler in your bed, let me tell ya! so wes & i are working off of about 3 hours of sleep at this point. but she went to the ped's this morning & she has two ear infections (again, well the first time a few weeks ago it was just one). this kid can't stay healthy this winter to save her life! so this is a picture of her this morning after visiting her pediatrician.

and here are some pictures of our playroom! pink! green! we have yet to get closet doors up, but just imagine white doors... as we were setting all the toys up, wes & i realized that we only bough addy & amelia several of the items in here. seriously, oh, maybe 4 of the toys (the chalkboard, some cardboard blocks, the jumparoo, & half of the books. the rest have come from grandparents! these two munchkins are lucky to have two sets of grandparents who constantly love on them (in more ways than just toys, also!).

the bed is a tricky situation. we need to keep both beds for visitors...but my plan of putting the other as the 'headboard' isn't working out so well. we are going to buy a king set of funky sheets & pulling it tightly & maybe somehow tacking it to the wall to keep the headboard bed from leaning a bit, like it is now. we shall see.
this weekend wes' mom is visiting...she will be the first guest in our playroom/guest room...maybe we should give her a review card? hopefully by tonight we'll get the door on the room :o)

i am halfway through one of my motherhood books...it has helped. i'm lowering expectations, especially when someone is sick & i'm only getting 2-5 minutes of no kid time a day. when i mean lowering expectations, i mean LOW. hmm, think if my kids & i have eaten that's all i need to worry about. forget picking up, folding laundry, vacuuming, cleaning bathrooms, etc etc etc. low low low expectations. so low that adeline seemed surprised yesterday when i told her we were going to change out of her pajamas...she was upset about it, so she just stayed in her pj's. again, for the 3rd day in a row. get out of one set of pj's for bath & into the next after bath.

i usually love winter. even in march when it snows, i love it. this year...i am already wishing for the spring.

just maybe

i feel immensely sad that addy pooped in the potty when i wasn't here. i just had to put that out there. how sick does that sound? ' i want my kid to poop in the potty when i'm here'... lol.

today is a bit better. i don't feel so crazy & adeline is happily playing with stickers. i don't know how stickers are so exciting, but they are. i tried to get her to watch the wiggles, but she somehow figured out how to switch dvd discs & turned on her miffy disc instead & then turned the volume WAY up...as i was putting millie down for a nap! lovely timing for a loud noise coming from right under millie's bedroom. *sigh*

yesterday a speeding ticket came in the mail for me...well, it wasn't a real ticket. apparently the city of cleveland pays a private company to do the video speeding & red light stuff. so when i went to see my dad on december 10 at 1:41 p.m. i was going over the speed limit & the camera caught me. how stupid to get it 6 weeks later. this method of ticketing people is illegal in some states, even. i'm pissed! first of all, every speeding ticket i've received (minus one on 71) were in a 35 mph zone. i DESPISE 35 mph zones. i just can't seem to hold it around there. i can do 25 easily & 45 easily, but not 35. so piss on a brick, as my sister would say, i have another ticket. the good thing is that it doesn't show on my record or anything...wes explained it like it's a glorified parking ticket...

anyway, amelia has taken her typical 30 minute nap...oh the joys of a sick infant & a sick toddler & ...&...

2 triumphs on a bleak day

#1: president obama. he just seems to ooze the true essence of a president. i thought his inauguration speech was pretty inspiring & right on with the state of our country & world. really, he basically called on us to take responsibility for ourselves & our business & our world. i know he will not be able to keep every campaign promise he made & that there will be other things beyond his scope of abilities as president...i just have a feeling that he is a deep thinker & will not jump the gun on things like bush (literally) did.

#2: adeline pooped in the potty! this has been MONTHS coming. of course, i wasn't home when she decided to do this. what's interesting, is that wes was downstairs with amelia & i was gone, so she was alone & apparently she clunked the upstairs portable toddler potty downstairs (even though we have one downstairs already...picking favorites?) & then did her business...without anyone around. so maybe i just need to give her a bit more privacy in the whole arena of potty time.

as for the bleak day, i don't even know where to begin...today was all over the place. (if you are my dad or another male who doesn't like to hear about womanly things, skip to the next paragraph)...i think the crux of it is that i have started my period for the 2nd time in one month...i'm sorry for those who think this is TMI. ideally, the 1st time is TMI; the 2nd time is ridiculous in every sense. i hate this IUD. soon wes will get the snippity snip (take a guess) & hopefully all will get better. if you are a lady: remember that email going around about the 'always; have a happy period' slogan (that they are still using) about homicidal maniacs walking around in capri pants & such things (which the maniacs are pms/menstruating women)? for this weather, maybe it's a homicidal maniac walking around in (faux: skechers) ugg boots. i also think another phrase was 'i turn into an inbreed hillbilly with knife skills'. well, that's what i feel like. both of the aforementioned.

i lost it several times today with adeline, became overly frustrated several times with amelia, & then really over the top upset with wes on one occasion. after that i decided it was in everyone's best interest if i went to the library for awhile. libraries are so well organized & quiet & filled with things people do that are quiet. i loved it. i found 4 books about motherhood: "the bitch in the house" (hel-looo me); "breeder"; "i was a really good mom before i had kids"; & finally "motherhood made a man out of me". the last is fiction & i'm least excited about that one. the others are (non fiction) essays, so i think i should enjoy them & have time to actually read them b/c they will be shorter than the novel. today was one of the days that i wished i was working out of the home, that i wasn't a stay-at-homer...i don't get this thought often, most often after amelia was born. not b/c of amelia, just b/c things didn't go well for awhile. i'm not going to force myself to stay at home b/c i really don't think our kids will end up better one way or the other...the important rule for me in this whole 'heidi stays at home with the kids' arrangement is that i want to enjoy it. it's not something i want to force myself to do...statistically, kids aren't better (or worse) off with a stay at home parent, so there's not necessarily anything holding me back except that i mostly do enjoy it. the more days like this, the less i will enjoy, for sure.

during my 1st year at ohio state (which would be my junior year of college) i had a professor who tore the class up with her comment that "she is working while her kids are infants, toddlers, & preschoolers & will stop working when they are teenagers" b/c younger kids can be taken care of by anyone & still feel loved (as long as they aren't being abused), but teenagers need more of a specific role model/parent to help them through the muck. (she did have 2 kids, a baby & a toddler, both in day care). some students (all social work or psychology students) were so pissed that she was choosing to work. someone even said something along the lines of 'i felt sorry for you before that you HAD to work to pay the bills & leave your kids at day care, but now that i know it's your choice, i think you're a terrible mom'...GASP in the room. this woman who told her this had her own children who were older. other students were in total agreement with the professor & some with the rude student & the rest of us were just in shock that this conversation was taking up class time.('come on! she tests from class notes, lets get a move on the notes, already!').

really, this SAH-parent versus working parent is totally a thing that is a private decision made by both parents (mostly the one who will be staying at home though), so who knows why i'm even blogging about it...it's just on my mind today. some people are cut out for it, others not (in the past few months i have thought more than ever that i am not cut out for it...). some have no choice. bottom line for me is that i want to make sure i enjoy me being home & the girls like me being at home. when i'm grumpy & tired of hibernating due to illnesses & am sick of smelling like spit up & some form of bodily excretion...i'm not enjoying it. at times when we are worrying over bills or how we're going to pay for preschool it just seems like an easy decision: heidi goes back to work. then i have to weigh that against: will it be easier for the girls if i was with them?

well, let me totally change the subject & talk about the girls!

adeline is still sick & coughing constantly & has the usual weird rash on her face & a fever & refused to take a nap or even stop moving...she was just a fireball of resistance today (whatever that means). if i said 'do not do that' she would do it or throw whatever it was she was not supposed to be playing with. i know she's not able to get all of her crazy energy out right now & i feel for her; i also feel restless being home constantly while everyone is hopefully recovering from the mystery illness. other than being sick recently, she has taken on a new look of preschooler...she doesn't seem to be at all a toddler anymore. POOF, her baby years are gone. she is now a little independent thinker with her own life strategy & i am merely the steering wheel from this point on. or am i the wheels? hhmm, for sure not the engine...she has that part. she is totally hilarious, even though she hardly says anything. a comedian of few words. i just love her to pieces, even when she has thick yellow snot smeared across her cheeks & is throwing a small baby toy my way.

amelia is becoming much more interactive. she's rolling all over the place; today she nearly rolled right off the bed b/c she also somehow does a belly inch crawl, in a circle. then she will roll & roll & that's when i caught her. today she spit out 90% of what rice cereal i gave her & then tried to roll over in the seat she was in. rice cereal crap everywhere! but she's giggling like mad & just a goofball in general. she really likes the jumparoo, bopping all over the place does her well, apparently.

i will leave you with this:
so i had the weirdest dream last night: i was at a high school, no specific one, just a high school with a grocery store attached to it (of course, what else is supposed to be attached to a HS?). i had both girls with me & somehow i lost adeline. i was frantically looking everywhere & i went to the 'dean of students' & told the office folks to call the police, that someone took my daughter. they didn't believe me & so they just nonchalantly looked around the office. i was still frantic, so i was looking everywhere. then all of these school buses park outside (randomly, there was no order to their parking spots) & i see addy walking around, looking very confused. so i run out to get her & she is just dazed & has this giddy smile on her face. a bus driver walks over to me & says that adeline told her that she wanted a ride & i said that's impossible b/c she can't say all of those words. then i suddenly realized that amelia was missing. so we go through the whole process of looking for millie,but she isn't mobile so there are few spots where i could've left her. somehow almost a day went by & people just assumed that amelia had died & we should bring in griswold (our dog) to sniff out her body. i was so devastated & was crying & holding adeline & crying & felt like i was falling into pieces. i was sitting at a conference table & looked under it b/c addy dropped something & saw amelia's hair hanging down...somehow she was laying with her back to a chair, with her head hanging off the end & her feet barely peeking above the top. i remember feeling immense dread pulling the chair back b/c i thought she would be dead. but she was sleeping & smiling in her sleep. sleeping! i picked her up & she woke up & smiled at me & then i quickly gave her a bottle & she gobbled it down in 4 minutes (yes, exactly). moms have such weird dreams (or is that just me??).

little lady

adeline has taken to imitating nearly everything we do lately. she takes her plate to the kitchen, attempts to put my face lotion on, use our toothbrushes, put our deodorant on, feed amelia her bottle (with bad consequences...although amelia seems to think it's mostly funny & just smiles at adeline)...the list goes on & on. this morning she took my plate from breakfast (our traditional cinnamon rolls on saturday morning) & put it on top of her used plate & then carried them to the bathroom sink, where she has a stool, & preceded to 'wash' them with her hands. it was adorable & endearing b/c there was water all over the place as well.

wes mentioned something about spending your childhood trying to become an adult & then your adulthood trying to get back your childhood. ya know, i would just love it if someone came here every afternoon at 1 p.m. & put me down for an afternoon nap! come on, how wonderful would that be?

this week i've been hit with yet another reason why engineers make some of the best husbands & fathers. on december 30, we took (wes' mom was here as well) addy to the westerville rec center where they had an early new years eve celebration for preschoolers...they had a few jumping blow-up things (you know, the big things that a few kids get in, like a huge balloon), columbus zoo animals (we left as they brought out the huge snake), noise makers & coloring, plus a countdown to noon with the noisemakers & balloons. the balloon that addy took home is still fully inflated & every day when i see it bouncing around i try to figure out why it's still so inflated... other balloons that we get at places like red robin deflate within a day or two. so i mention this in passing to wes as we were picking up stray toys after the girls' bedtime... & he flippantly responds "well, i'm pretty sure the molecules for air are bigger than the molecules for helium. so the smaller molecules probably escape the balloon while the bigger molecules of oxygen are stuck inside." seriously? & he puts it in such layman's terms for me, his social worker wife who knows nothing about molecules. this is GREAT. b/c now when addy finally starts talking & asking all those "why" questions, i can just say "ask your dad" & he will know. i'm sure he remembers why the sky is blue & why penguins can't fly & those sorts of things. again, so happy god put me with an engineer.

disclaimer: wes isn't 'SURE' that he's right about the balloon stuff. so all those engineer friends from boise can put your two cents in, please. or anyone else who has a scientific mind (aaron, scotty, maybe even cal or judy).

a friend, becky (her blog is audrey's on the right side), also mentioned in an email that wes is a very wonderful hubby, there to help me out at target with a vomiting toddler instead of going out to lunch. she is so right. i love this man. i never would've thought that the two of us would make a good match, (put plainly: a severely left wing democrat social worker with feminist ideals married to a mostly right wing, reagan loving, number-crunching, 'isn't feminism dead?' engineer?) but here we are, trucking along.

which reminds me that i should be upstairs helping wes finish the painting in the play room. nope, the playroom isn't even done yet! over the past 6 years, i have taught him how to be a very accomplished slacker...

but first another reason someone may call children services on me: as i was getting ready to go out last night (we had a great time with my sister & her hubby...we played catch phrase & ate some yummy home made white sauce pasta & then finished with chocolate fondue)...anyway, where was i... so i was using the curling iron b/c i didn't want to take so long to straighten my hair with the flat iron (plus i was going to wear a hat most of the night, so...) & adeline hasn't seen much of a curling iron, so she's not familiar with the 'burn' factor. so she picked it up by the hot end & drops it, crying. i take her quickly into the bathroom & run her hand under water... this is where the problem comes in: HOT water! i turned the hot water on instead of the cold water! wes comes up soon (oh, a minute later) & is like 'why do you have the hot water on??!!!' this is the 2nd time i've done this when she burns her fingers...what is wrong with me? :o)

simply frigid

check out the ice on our door

then the ice on top of the sliding glass door...i think we need to replace this relic as it is the only window in our house with ice on it!

& now that we see a picture of it, this thermometer is really old & nasty! buy hey, it came with the house!

so the official gerbick thermometer says -10. safe to say we are going nowhere today (until our date night tonight...i guess we can't be picky about the temperature when friends offer to babysit!). most (if not all) schools are closed here, but wes still has to work.

an update on the state of our illnesses: adeline now has a noisy cold. poor girl, what next?!

we hope everyone is able to stay warm today.

my five year work plan

so tomorrow wes has a 5 year work plan meeting with his boss...he has been mulling over different things this week, what direction he wants his job to take & that sort of thing. which got me thinking...what will my job look like in 5 years? then i decided i want a promotion by that time. which entails:

• i will have an entire school day to myself! amelia will be in kindergarten! adeline will be in 1st grade....in juts 5 years. wow.
• break time...i am currently adding all my non-used break times up to be spent at this point, for this first year of 'freedom-mama style' will be spent reconnecting with all things me.
  
• i expect to be allotted one book a week to read that is not found in the children's' section
• i will take at least one yoga class a week
• i will go to the mall to actually shop!
• i will spend the first year determining what the next 5 years will be. working part time? volunteering? foster care?
• i will have the chance to clean the house & it will stay clean for nearly 5 hours (until they get home from school?)

these are just a few thoughts. i'm sure i will be amending it as the time goes on. today i am feeling a bit sick. i'm not sure if it's maybe what addy had or just my IBS being a pain in the stomach. either way, i feel yuck. my dear dear dear friend judy has adeline this morning & wes is bringing her home for nap. so it's just me & millie. up until now millie has been doing great just hanging out by herself, but now she obviously wants some interaction. must go.

You Know it's Cold out When...

The dog walks three feet out onto the deck, pees, and comes back in...weather.com has us at -3 degrees F. Brrrrr

our sickie

oh, poor adeline. she is so sick! throughout the evening & night she continued to vomit everything up...& when that was gone she was dry heaving. she has held down 4 ounces of half water, half gatorade this morning. i'm hoping by 10 or so she will be able to eat some baby rice cereal w/ mushy bananas. ya know, i'm already mixing it up for amelia, might as well make it for her too (she has been dying to try it every time i feed millie). so this is a picture of our little sickie, on the couch, sleeping. notice the bucket near by :o)

at the ped's yesterday, she vomited once in the waiting room & then again in the exam room. i'm really becoming a pro at public vomiting behavior. people will look at you like i made her do it. people will move as far away as possible. no one will smile at you or offer to help (except the very wonderful receptionist who laughs & says she deals with this all the time). note to self: if you see a parent with a sick child, offer to help!

it has been determined that this is most likely not a virus, bacteria, etc, nor is it strep throat...most likely from a food allergy or some sort of gastro (or autoimmune) problem. so we are to keep a food diary for 3 months that includes everything she eats & then her reaction (behavior, skin, bowels, & any fever or vomiting as well). for those who know addy well, this is going to be difficult as she eats constantly! then we will be sent to some sort of pediatric specialist & will have this wonderful chart of all the food & reactions to speed up the process. we want to avoid putting her through scopes & scans & pricks hopefully with this food diary.

as for amelia...she has been so happy the past few days! laughing & smiling...she is very excited about 'rocket baby' & rice cereal. when i go near her with a bowl & spoon she starts kicking her legs & flailing her arms everywhere & has a huge smile on her face. she will continue to smile until she's had enough...then she just attempts to spit it out. it's a good time. everyone gets messy! AND last night she rolled over in her crib, smooshing her head against the railing & waking herself up. she just looked absolutely shocked laying there, face up (b/c she sleeps on her belly).

so i am here with the sickie, working off of 4 hours of sleep...no worries, wes made extra coffee this morning!

a very good reason not to leave your house when it's very cold out:

...because you never know when your preschooler will vomit 3 times in a store & will need to wear your coat to leave (leaving you utterly frigid in the very very cold, windy, snowy, wet weather).

hhmmm, read on for the fantastic story: so this morning i had a little debate in my head about going out. the pros won, so off we went. adeline could get some energy out, i could see the outside of this house, amelia could sleep in my arms like she loves to do. all good things for everyone. the roads were much more clear just one hour after wes left for work. off we went to the mall. things were looking up! the sky was still grey, but we were all content & happy to be going somewhere.

addy was giddy & running around & amelia had fallen asleep in the car & then again in my arms after a 2 ounce bottle (my trick to getting her to fall asleep in public places). i thought things were going grand! i even got a latte from starbucks. oh joyous morning!

things were going so well that i decided we could make a quick jaunt to target to look at storage options for the playroom & also pick up needed diapers. addy was even walking beside the cart after she had patiently sat in the cart munching on some cheerios & drinking water. at one point, addy looked at me with a sad face & pointed to her belly. i asked her "are you hungry?" & she smiled & nodded her head. i answered "mmhmm, mama is too, we're going home to eat now". we were on our way to the checkout line...& i look down to see what the cause of a horrid noise was & yes, there was addy vomiting. thankfully, we were right under one of those red phones that target has, so i dialed the 1 or something like that & while we were waiting for someone to arrive, addy vomits again, this time pretty much for a minute. it just kept coming & coming. anyway, i'll spare you the rest of those details (but i do have to say that all her food was very well chewed up! good job chewing, adeline!).

a lady arrives & says something like 'oh did we have a spill?' & i'm like 'well, a spill is one way to describe it...' & then she notices what it is & kinda goes green (that really happens, apparently, not just a saying) & says 'oh i have a terrible gag reflex'... great. the weak target team member responds to our vomit. really, she was very nice about the whole situation. she offers to get addy a t shirt (b/c hers was unwearable). i say that's not needed & take addy's shirt off & put her coat on. amelia starts sneezing & the lady says "wow you guys are a mess today" (thanks!). i'm calling wes trying to see if he's nearby (poor hubby, his first lunch out w/ a colleague in almost 6 weeks & there i am calling him). he doesn't answer. so i decide that i can do this by myself & again walk to the check out lines. addy is smiling & goofing around so i think all is well, we have time to purchase.

not well. she vomits near the checkout line this time. & i mean this got it all, whatever she had in her belly for the past day is now on the floor. yuck. wes calls. i tell him what's going on as adeline is vomiting & as i'm catching the vomit with a burp cloth...which didn't work, as it was fairly projectile at this point, going forward & up in the air if the bupr cloth was too close. seriously! the woman who had cleaned up the first round was just walking by & didn't notice what was going on (i think she was in denial) & says 'hope your day gets better' & then this other worker notices & then wes is there suddenly (again, poor hubby had just arrived at quaker steak & lube for lunch, which is just 2 stores down...no lunch out for wes today). then the lady worker asks with a smile "need that shirt now?" hardy har har.

everyone was so nice about it all. they gave us a shirt for adeline to wear out of the store & i offered to buy it & they were like 'no no no'...so then i give adeline my coat to wear out b/c her pants are soaked with stuff & her coat was also soaked... anyway. what a time.

why do i try to go out with both of them? why even try to go anywhere? it's hopeless. adeline is now sleeping after a small lunch of chicken noodle soup & cheesy fish & ginger ale. i had just read in a parenting magazine that the BRAT diet is on the way out, that it doesn't really matter what the kid eats, if the food's not staying down, it won't stay down, period, no matter what they eat. so cheesy fish it is. i'm so glad the BRAT diet is on the outs b/c i can NEVER remember what the acronym stands for!

appointment with the pediatrician at 3:30...we need to figure out why she keeps getting diarrhea, rashes, high fevers (she didn't have a fever today, she was actually cold for once), & vomiting off & on. something is not right. i know kids get sick, but the same way nearly every few weeks? we'll see.

get me outta here!

i can feel it already...cabin fever. i need to get out. adeline needs to get out. but there's no hope! today is the warmest day of the week at a balmy high 20-something degrees. we have snow, but it's going to be so cold that adeline shouldn't be out in it, lest her face freeze in a permanent smile. the mall is just a few miles away, but then i have to actually get out of the car with the two little ones...again, afraid they will freeze. or maybe i'm just afraid i will freeze.

i can see the rest of the week in my mind: get up, breakfast, wes leaves for work, watch veggie tales, look out the window, feed millie...etc etc etc. i already have most of the one veggie tales movie memorized. i'm so happy addy is finally watching tv for longer than 1 minute. but the same one? over & over? i find myself being elated if she says yes to my suggestion to watch 'miffy'. sad state of affairs.

on a happier note, i just read in my (new) health magazine that thinking about chocolate helps women overcome stressful & painful situations. so i will now concentrate on chocolate. chocolate fountain (reyes style....all from boise will know what i'm talking about; salivate now!). truffles. dark chocolate. real hot chocolate (with whipped cream). i don't quite feel better now, but i do feel like migrating to my kitchen in search of some chocolate.

maybe i will make it to the mall today. it's the last day before the extreme cold sets in. wes isn't coming home for lunch today or thursday...addy will not take a nap if she doesn't get her move on... i can't do this for 3 1/2 more days! ah, me. when is january over? i really don't mind winter & i LOVE snow, but i can't handle the zero degree weather. can't we just have feet & feet of snow with 30 degrees?

i think i should do a 'Lost' countdown. 8 days until 'lost' is back. i have been looking forward to this since early pregnancy #2.

EDIT: wes just called. it took him forever to get just a mile down the road. traffic backed up to turn onto polaris & at a standstill. he recommends not going anywhere for awhile. emotional distress! "ghiradelli chocolate chips, chocolate covered pretzels, chocolate fondue w/ strawberries, chocolate cake..."

FREE maternity clothes (to those in the columbus area)

'GONE' already...

but again, i'm sure i'll have some summer stuff to get rid of in march. let me know if you're interested.

for all those who live near me (sorry idahoans, unless you want me to mail them!)...i have tried to sell my winter maternity already & this is what's left. if you want them or know anyone who could use this stuff, let me know. everything is free for the taking. if i don't hear from anyone in a week, they are going to the thrift store. i want all maternity clothes gone!

old navy, medium. they have the button cinches. great the entire pregnancy!

dont' have a tag, so i don't know the size or store brand. but i think they are mediums.

old navy, khaki, large (fit a bit small, though). missing back buttons (but both are gone, so it looks normal :o). thin material.

old navy, medium sweatpants.

going from top left, down: bravado, nude size S+ (check out the bravado website to decipher what that means, i think it's 32-34 band, b to c cup); motherhood maternity black sleep bra (hhm, cut the tag out, so maybe size small is my guess); white motherhood maternity sleep bra (size small??).
top right, going down: bravado, peach, size S+; motherhood maternity, nude, no underwire, size 36 C; motherhood maternity, white, size 36 D, no underwire.
bottom: bravado, white, 34 C, no underwire.
these are all nursing bras, worn for about a year, so they are used well, but free! the bravado ones are the best.


note: i also have maternity underwear from motherhood maternity. but i'm not going to put pictures of my undies up. i know some people would be grossed out by wearing 'used' undies, but hey, they're expensive! bleach them if you must, but they are size small & medium...for free!

younique, size small. from motherhood, i think. sweater-ish thing. very stretchy!

old navy crew neck, long sleeve. size small.

motherhood maternity, size S. wrap empire waist.

a few pictures from our day

wes is cold, but instead of getting up to get blankets, he puts the little baby ones on that were laying around near him. the big boy blankets are only 2 feet away from him! lazy man.
it's good to have a restful day...if only he stuck to it. after the girls go down, he gets these crazy ideas like "paint the playroom" when all i think about it "how early is too early to go to bed as an adult?"

millie & mama snuggle time. don't look too close in the picture or you'll see my nose hairs. millie was about to let a big laugh out at this point. she's such a snuggler, i love it! i knew she was going to be a snuggle when she was in utero b/c she just sort of balled up all the time & didn't move a lot. addy in utero was CRAZY. moving constantly. she had her cord wrapped around her head twice & two knots in it! lucky to be alive, is she. anyway, i knew adeline was going to be a rascal. how right mamas are.

the gals after naptime. yes! adeline took a nap today! wes woke her up, silly man, but until that point, she was sleeping soundly on her floor, sans the pants & socks she went to bed in, but with leg warmers on instead.

this is addy soon after dinner. she wanted to take her shirt off b/c we were eating soup. she already had her pants off from nap (all hell would break lose if we attempted to put pants back on her, geez oh man, you'd think we were killing her instead of putting pants on in the middle of winter). she is freezing with goose bumps at this point, but loves being (nearly) naked. yes, still with leg warmers; apparently, they do their job. so she wanted to walk a mile in daddy's shoes (she didn't get very far, though).

what i should be doing is...

...not what i'm doing. we have a room to paint, furniture to move, laundry to do, & soup to make. but i'm tired & it's freezing cold out (& cold in the room we need to paint & in the basement where the laundry stuff is). hhmmm...

this morning we went to a 'new' church for the 2nd time. it's 5 minutes from our house, yet we we're still late! but we remembered everything this time. this church is one of 2 we want to try before we make our official decision about 'leaving' central vineyard. which we miss already! it's just a 20 minute drive most days, which means that most small groups & most outings with people are 20 minutes away...which means in a few years when addy & amelia have play times with church friends, that'll be a 20 minute drive & then there's the question if clintonville-ites will want to drive out to westerville to hang out. those sorts of things. so we are testing out the churches in our neighborhood, including the big vineyard (as we call it, really it's called columbus vineyard). the past two weeks we have gone to 'the church at polaris' (what it's really called) & if i was feeling motivated i would put links to all these churches' websites, but i'm lazy today. google them if interested! so this polaris church is very kid-centric, which is good. they have several huge slides & a little kid wing complete with a boardwalk-ish town near the slides & a room just for 2 year old, another for 3, then 4, etc etc. so adeline loves it & cries when we leave. today we couldn't find her for 5 minutes b/c she was playing on the toddler slide...made herself at home by taking her shoes & socks off & was having a ball.

we went to the 'meet the staff' lunch b/c yes we wanted to meet the staff, but hey, free food! we're there! the senior pastor's wife introduced herself to me & during the conversation mentioned something about how adeline will be a big help when we have more kids. WOAH. more kids? i laughed & said, 'oh we're done, unless we adopt later on' & she looked shocked! what? two isn't enough? (apparently they have 5). we're worried about affording preschool already, let alone college. two is just fine right now. anyway, the thing i miss at this church is the praying for each other & the call to receive prayer about all the crap in everyone's lives. the pastor did a series on 'not worrying' & it just seems that would be a perfect message to give people prayer about... anyway, that's just my thoughts. the next two weeks we'll be visiting 'big vineyard' & then hopefully making a decision.

what else? we went to the westerville rec center preschool open house on friday. egads, we have this already to deal with. holy crap, preschools are expensive! anywhere from $90 to $325 a month. crazy! a month. a month...just for 2 1/2 hours, 2 days a week. there goes wes getting a newer vehicle (sorry hubby, maybe try biking to work? :o) we are trying not to worry about the cost b/c really, adeline needs to have some socializing time...she loves to be around others & especially to meet new little kids her size. where did she come from?! certainly not like her mama. at least she won't have shyness to deal with in her life!

& does everyone know how fast a decade goes by? just 10 years ago, i was still a senior in high school (although i was going to college instead b/c i hated high school), but still. that feels like it wasn't so long ago & now i'm 28 with 2 youngins. soon i will be 38 with 'tween' girls living near mall! aaahhh. so i have been thinking that these toddler & baby years of sleepless nights & snuggles won't last forever & that has helped me accept this new round of illness & amelia not sleeping more...friday addy had a sudden onset of a fever (103.6!). & millie has been waking up for two entire hours at night...(on top of the usual 2 wake ups to eat). she is just gleefully looking around the room & wanting smiles from her mama or daddy. so in a blink of an eye, i will be trying to remember what it was like having wee little ones & how tired i was & how dirty out house was. embrace it while it's here maybe??

there goes my eardrum...

i can now add a nearly broken eardrum to my list of parenting perils. tonight, millie was having a terrible time for some reason. i'm fairly certain it had to do with reflux b/c she was doing the thing where she scrunches in a ball then flattens herself like a board (or maybe like a lower case 't' with arms straight out, maybe that's a better description) & the scream-cry (the kind where the child will intake breath for 4 or 5 seconds, then belt out a piercing scream-cry for 4 or 5 seconds...the anti-yoga breathing). so she was doing that & the only thing to initially calm her down was me bouncing, swaying, & shh-ing & feeding her (standing up). anyway, she was finally calm & took about 4 ounces. time for a burp. i put her in a sitting position on my leg, as we usually do & this caused another round of scream-cry & 't-ing'...so i put her on my shoulder to burp & was rocking the chair rapidly (so i could sit down) & she was crying a bit more, but a more mild cry. then she let out a small burp. great! yea, she burped. THEN came the burp of all burps. this would put junior high boys to shame. it was deep & loud & long (hhmm, maybe 6 seconds? if you think about it, that's a long time to burp). and that is how my eardrum was nearly broken tonight. wes walked in the nursery just as she started burping & smiled ear to ear...he was never so proud.

today i went to a women's (or baby mama) playgroup. i had a good time...what really impresses me is that judy (the host) was like 'oh, i'm not going to make anything fancy' for a snack & then i get there & she has crepes with cream cheese, sour scream, powdered sugar, & some jellies (with labels). hhhmm, nothing fancy to me means doughnuts in a box! (or at least something in a box). i'm telling you, this woman rocks being a host. plus, it was really exceptionally wonderful to get out of the house, even if it was to go to another house with even more children in it. 6 mamas, 6 babies (plus a few older kids). it for sure beat my only other trip out of the house since monday which was to go to the pediatrician.

i was really hoping all the excitement of the morning would tire adeline out enough to get her to fall asleep during her naptime. nope. she was banging on her door (we lock the door from the outside b/c she will open it as soon as we shut it) & doing the 'let me out' screech after just 1 hour of non-quiet quiet time. NOOOOO! she can't be done with naps already! wes' coworker was talking about how their wife (they have a newborn) was upset that their older daughter is starting to drop her afternoon nap as well...this girl is 4! four. no fair. (but as i used to tell the students in my tlc [therapeutic learning center] class "well, life isn't fair, is it? it was our response that we had to give per the tlc director. i never liked that response. it's similar to the 'do it b/c i said so' thing. at least give someone an unscripted answer). but, if life was fair, i should get at least 2 more years of afternoon naps out of adeline.

& i highly recommend the movie "things we lost in the fire". that was the 3rd movie i rented last week & i finally was able to watch it tuesday afternoon. cried/sobbed my eyes out & then when wes got home from work, i gave him many hugs (the hubby dies, but no worries, i didn't just spoil anything, that's sort of the main issue in the plot). i just can't even bare to think about losing wes, let alone the girls losing their daddy. so i won't think about it! well, i did read a book a year or so ago by julia alvarez & the husband in that book dies & the wife is stunned b/c she has no idea how to do so much in the house, like put in a furnace filter or program the thermostat. since reading that i have to say i was paying a bit more attention to things that wes normally does. but then i got bored of learning such things...b/c he's so good at doing them & it's not good to think 'i have to in case he dies'. b/c if he dies i have so much more to worry about than the stupid furnace, eh? see, i just shouldn't think about all this stuff!

good times

this was taken yesterday. addy loves to crawl in millie's crib after she wakes up from a nap. it's very cute how adeline loves on her little sis. if you look closely, you can see the 'christmas rubber ducky' that addy brought for amelia. i don't know, maybe in case millie felt like taking a bath. but these ducks are special b/c if they touch water (or hit the bottom of it very hard, like addy does), they go into this blinking fluorescent light thing. they both love taking baths with these ducks (there are 8 of them?). i'm hoping to get some video of it tomorrow. we'll see.

this is to prove to my dad that amelia's spike is still alive & kicking. sort of reminds me of a bird, the pomp adore on top of the head? anyone else see it??! anyway, this was from this morning. the best comment was from the pediatrician...the first thing she said when she came into the exam room (for millie's 4 month well baby appt) was "wow! what GREAT hair today!" she really does have some crazy hair. both of our girlies did as babies...it's not as glamorous as it may appear, for all those parents with baldies. babies with hair = tiny hair knots to brush out = screaming baby. not too pretty after all.

addy was taking a picture of the floor at this moment.

while on the topic of addy: newest potty training concern: poopy in the underwear. yuck to pull off without knowing there is poopy in underwear until it's all over her legs. after the undies are off, well, the person with her is SCREWED b/c it's not like you can pick her up to carry her somewhere to wash the pooh off. & she doesn't want to walk. tricky situations. but addy ALMOST made it to the potty tonight. i have been giving her an m&m for even sitting on the potty & she doesn't get to wear her 'dora the explorer' undies until she goes in the potty (for some reason, she is in LOVE with dora, although she's actually only watched one episode of that show), so she's a bit more interested at this point. but the fault for one 'sitting' tonight was that she had to go get a book to read while sitting on the potty! she is her daddy's girl (wes is an avid toilet reader). so i hear some tinkling & gleefully think she's going to pee in the potty b/c i caught out of the corner of my eye her squatting. no such luck: squatting on the floor in front of the potty with her undies down. big mess. but we gave her an m&m for her valiant effort.

oh yes, this is amelia eating solids. rice cereal, nasty stuff! at her appt today, the ped was sure millie would do great after a week of trying 1 tablespoon a day of rice cereal. not our chunker...i somehow dumped probably 3-5 tablespoons into the dish, so i just mixed it up with 1 ounce of formula, thinking she'll eat about 1/10 of the cereal...but instead she ate all but about a teaspoon. more like inhaled it. she was even making 'yum' & 'mmhhmmm' noises while eating. we were able to videotape a part of it, but it was a very unfortunate time in the eating...she had put nearly her entire fist in her mouth & apparently scratched her gums with her nails & thus started screaming in pain. she recovered within a minute & was back to inhaling her new found love.

as for the ped appt: millie is nearly 15 pounds! she gained 3 pounds in 2 months...i tell ya, we grow big babies, there's no question about it.

read further for more details (mostly, for all grandparents): she's 90% for length (25 1/4 inches), 75% for weight (14.11 pounds), &50% for head. one interesting tidbit is that her head is only 2 cm larger at 4 months than addy's was at birth. AT BIRTH! no wonder i pushed for 2 hours with adeline & 4 minutes with amelia. anyway. we have increased the zantac dose a whole tenth of a ml (to .8 ml)...how in the heck are we supposed to measure that? who knows. she has wonderful muscle tone & the ped said she is very strong for her age. of course. (remember this was the appt that addy got a failing grade & was sent to physical therapy for 'low muscle tone'?? how they are different).

i am off to paint the 'new' playroom! we slacked on it last night, so it's not any closer to being finished. if you call addy & ask her what color it is, she will tell you. but you have to be wes or i to understand what she's saying! ha HA!