great aunt zilpha

i just got word that my great aunt zilpha passed away thursday night after a stroke last week, leaving half of her body paralyzed. she had signed a 'no feeding tube' thing in event of needing one. anyway, you'd think news would travel faster, but apparently not in my family; she was 97. yes, some of the women in the family live very long lives (my grandma great millie lived to be 105), not necessarily b/c their lives are easy, but b/c of that thing we like to call 'the stoneburner constitution'. (it's sort of a running joke in our family, b/c from the stoneburner family genes we also get many things that aren't good like arthritis, diabetes, thyroid problems, etc) but the idea is that stoneburner women make it through hell on earth & usually come out better for it. zilpha is just one example.

i have always felt a certain connection to her for some reason. i've been told that when she was younger (oh, say age 20-50's or 60's?) that she was not the most pleasant person to be around b/c she had a very rough life (maybe say like me while pregnant? a bit snappy & irritable?) for a reason unknown to me. she was the first of 5 kids born to a farming family, meaning that she probably did farm work & then help to raise her younger siblings from dawn until dusk until she left the farm to marry (a quiet man...i don't know, i don't remember ever meeting him). then from snippets of stories, i have heard that she found jesus later in life & became the zilpha i knew.

she lived in barnesville, ohio. it's a small town in southern ohio complete with the hills of the appalachian foothills. i remember sitting in her big 'ole truck (you know, the f-250 or something of the like; the kind with huge wheels) & holding on for dear life as she snapped around the hills & turns. she was in her 70's at this time, when i was young. so yes, let's picture her. first, she was a tiny lady, probably 5'2" (???) & small boned. i thought she was pretty; she has the typical harper (from my great-grandma millie) look about her, you know more pale than not skin, lighter hair, lighter eyes, etc. on this specific day (that my mom & i were just talking about recently) she was wearing (what i thought) was a magnificent outfit: a striped multi-colored skirt that went just below her knees, another multi-colored large polka-dot button up collared shirt (tucked in, of course), some version of the white, tie-up sneaker w/ socks. i don't remember if there was accompanied sunglasses or hat, but for sure not jewelry. she was *spunky* & laughed & made jokes & bought the kids ice cream all the time when with her. that was the day we (myself, sister, mom, & brother...i don't think my dad was with us) were taken around barnesville, salesville, & other surrounding wee towns learning about our ancestors (looking at old houses, gravestones, churches where weddings took place, one barn, the original stoneburner farm barn, that burned down--& had hundreds of black snakes under it & it IS a family trait to be terrified of snakes, btw). when we stayed at my grandma great's house, she would hop into the house & convince my grandma &/or mom that we needed some sort of treat for breakfast (usually a cinnamon roll, if i remember correctly) instead of the usual honey-comb cereal (which for my family was something we didn't get at home, either). it's hard to explain, but she was the sort of person who--in my opinion--lit up the room when she entered.

she told wonderful stories about the trials & events of my ancestors & grandma. she could spin a yarn--a true yarn--out of their hard lives that made me laugh & gape & be filled with wonder. she made me actually enjoy & feel tied-to the appalachian roots that i have instead of feeling a bit distant from my relatives who still live there. b/c of her driving us around & pointing out all the structures & landmarks that signify something in my family, i can drive to salesville & barnesville by myself & know my way around. in fact, i did this several times without anyone knowing (college years! lol) b/c somehow if feels calming to me now (but the family reunions that range from 100-300 people? not so calming) & then i would tell my grandma 'i went to salesville the other day just to look around' & she would look at me surprised & i would tell her where i went & she would just smile & tell me i should've called zilpha or faye & had lunch or dinner with them. (now i wish i would have, ya know?). maybe i was also seeing if i could drive my little white geo prizm around those turns & up & down hills as fast as the spunky, elderly aunt could...at one time, when my grandma & i saw each other on a weekly basis (during my senior year of high school, when i went to college instead & had fridays off & would stop to visit my grandma) anyway, my grandma told me once & never again! that i reminded her of zilpha (& that was a compliment, i believe). to get something like that out of my grandma, a mostly emotionally-reserved woman, is amazing & i have always remembered that & agreed.

so, her home is a small 1 1/2 story house on top of a huge hill (when i saw lemony-snickets (sp??) series of unfortunate events, i immediately thought that house on the cliff reminded me of zilpha's home). it's filled with (unbeknownst to her, or if she new, she didn't pride herself in them) antiques & she collects salt & pepper shakers. i have often come across some s&p shakers that i nearly bought for her, but stopped myself thinking she would find it silly. i don't know, i was just in awe of her for some reason, still am. she had these old patchwork quilts & tables/chairs, etc that were in wonderful shape but she didn't see a need to buy the new stuff b/c the old worked just fine.

when i visited once with my grandma when i was in 18 & wearing patchwork clothes & trying to dread my hair & didn't shave, zilpha was the only aunt who laughed with glee at my clothes & talked to me about how i put them together & gave me tips on how to keep them from fraying (something my mom probably could've done if i had just asked, lol). my grandma just looked at zilpha like she was crazy for encouraging me to dress like this, but zilpha just grabbed my hand & smiled. i totally forget why i had driven my grandma down there & i don't even remember what season it was, but i remember zilpha's kindness.

if you're so inclined, here is a link to her obituary.

http://www.webfh.com/fh/obituaries/obituary.cfm?o_id=254562&fh_id=11173&ck=1