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this morning, when i woke up i made a choice that today was for the two double a batteries, as my mom has nicknamed adeline & amelia. i would do whatever with them & have fun & sit on the floor or on they were leading me to do. adeline got to watch curious george before eating her breakfast & for her snack, we made a cereal-snack necklace (which she ate in a matter of 90 seconds, oh my goodness folks). amelia went down for a morning nap for the first time since last saturday! seriously, no joke...it's been a rough week to say the least.
then adeline & i did the *great missing puzzle piece search* & we found all the pieces that have been missing for the past few weeks (AHA: the 'h' was hidden under a side table) then we put all the puzzles together. we did laundry, etc & once amelia woke up, played in the playroom. lunch went well & everyone was pleased with daddy's grilled hot dogs even though all our bread & buns were moldy (how does that happen when we JUST bought them?!)...btw: we didn't eat the moldy bread. we ate the hot dogs a la atkins diet.
after wes left i promised adeline a walk around the neighborhood...she directed me towards the park, naturally. amelia started to cry along the way; then she started to belt it out, crying, crying, crying. i took her out & let her sit on the steering bars of the stroller. she was happy. at the park, things took a big turn for the worse. amelia's nose is running non stop & then her eye starts to swell shut!
what.is.going.on.???
we make it home, call the ped & speak with a nurse. long story short, it's probably her allergies again. the allergies we thought she had, then didn't think she had, so stopped her meds a few months ago, & now again it's happening. all over. thanks dr sotos from wednesday's appointment when i mentioned that something is amiss in amelia. (that was filled with sarcastic anger, in case you didn't catch that). did you even take the time to read her chart (b/c our usual ped is on vacation). oh wonderful dr sotos, you could have picked up up on this one had you cared to take the time.
for the past 90 minutes i have yet again been wrestling with a baby, trying my hardest to get her to sleep. b/c she's exhausted & on ibuprofen & benedryl (per nurse recommendations) & her eyes are all red & her nose won't stop running continuous snot into ther mouth. instead amelia fights me & is kicking & flailing her head & arms every which way. i finally get her to sleep & adeline walks in talking loudly & wakes amelia up.
I GIVE UP. i am admitting defeat today; i feel trampled on & worn down from everything going on. i don't have the energy to even know what else to do for amelia. yea i took an anxiety pill awhile ago & here i am, still losing it. i just keep wondering if it's asking too much of god to intervene & at least heal amelia's allergies or virus or whatever the hell is going on with her. that bullshit line of 'god only gives you what you can handle'...well, that's what it is, bullshit. b/c right now, this week, i am way over my head of what i can handle. beyond it, to the moon, as adeline would say.
i have never doubted in god before. i've strayed away, all the while knowing he was there, with me, helping & guiding me & shielding me from the terrible blows. but not this week, i am just admitting that i feel totally alone. i hear from nearly everyone that they are praying for me & here i am, when i need to feel god most, i feel nothing but anxiety & sadness & overwhelmed with the stress of a pending *huge* surgery & sick kids with asses for pediatricians. i don't know exactly what i'm saying here about god & all, but what i am asking for is *more* whatever that means b/c my choice to have a good day has totally been over-ridden with more illness & confusion & frustration to the point where choosing to have a calmness about me is beyond my control.
so yea. what.the.hell.is.going.on. it's not like i'm job or something. right, god, right?
then adeline & i did the *great missing puzzle piece search* & we found all the pieces that have been missing for the past few weeks (AHA: the 'h' was hidden under a side table) then we put all the puzzles together. we did laundry, etc & once amelia woke up, played in the playroom. lunch went well & everyone was pleased with daddy's grilled hot dogs even though all our bread & buns were moldy (how does that happen when we JUST bought them?!)...btw: we didn't eat the moldy bread. we ate the hot dogs a la atkins diet.
after wes left i promised adeline a walk around the neighborhood...she directed me towards the park, naturally. amelia started to cry along the way; then she started to belt it out, crying, crying, crying. i took her out & let her sit on the steering bars of the stroller. she was happy. at the park, things took a big turn for the worse. amelia's nose is running non stop & then her eye starts to swell shut!
what.is.going.on.???
we make it home, call the ped & speak with a nurse. long story short, it's probably her allergies again. the allergies we thought she had, then didn't think she had, so stopped her meds a few months ago, & now again it's happening. all over. thanks dr sotos from wednesday's appointment when i mentioned that something is amiss in amelia. (that was filled with sarcastic anger, in case you didn't catch that). did you even take the time to read her chart (b/c our usual ped is on vacation). oh wonderful dr sotos, you could have picked up up on this one had you cared to take the time.
for the past 90 minutes i have yet again been wrestling with a baby, trying my hardest to get her to sleep. b/c she's exhausted & on ibuprofen & benedryl (per nurse recommendations) & her eyes are all red & her nose won't stop running continuous snot into ther mouth. instead amelia fights me & is kicking & flailing her head & arms every which way. i finally get her to sleep & adeline walks in talking loudly & wakes amelia up.
I GIVE UP. i am admitting defeat today; i feel trampled on & worn down from everything going on. i don't have the energy to even know what else to do for amelia. yea i took an anxiety pill awhile ago & here i am, still losing it. i just keep wondering if it's asking too much of god to intervene & at least heal amelia's allergies or virus or whatever the hell is going on with her. that bullshit line of 'god only gives you what you can handle'...well, that's what it is, bullshit. b/c right now, this week, i am way over my head of what i can handle. beyond it, to the moon, as adeline would say.
i have never doubted in god before. i've strayed away, all the while knowing he was there, with me, helping & guiding me & shielding me from the terrible blows. but not this week, i am just admitting that i feel totally alone. i hear from nearly everyone that they are praying for me & here i am, when i need to feel god most, i feel nothing but anxiety & sadness & overwhelmed with the stress of a pending *huge* surgery & sick kids with asses for pediatricians. i don't know exactly what i'm saying here about god & all, but what i am asking for is *more* whatever that means b/c my choice to have a good day has totally been over-ridden with more illness & confusion & frustration to the point where choosing to have a calmness about me is beyond my control.
so yea. what.the.hell.is.going.on. it's not like i'm job or something. right, god, right?
