the *where does the baby come from* talk

so last night as wes told adeline a story that involved me being pregnant adeline had a thoughtful look on her face. it may have been b/c most of this story wes was telling involved intricate details about the airplanes we were flying on. you know, things wes loves (he frequents an airliner site more than our own blog, i'm sure of it). the gist of the story was that addy's mommy & daddy went on vacation & then we had to go on a big airplane to get back to addy (this is a true story, when wes & i went to california when 5 months prego w/ amelia; wes was taking one of his engineering tests).

so amelia was not in the story which totally baffled adeline, right? she kept adding "& baby too!" when wes would say 'adeline was missing her mommy & daddy & was looking out the window for them to come home' ... i then asked her if she remembered when mommy was pregnant with amelia, when amelia was in mommy's big belly.

addy's eyes opened wide with recognition & she was responded: baby in mommy's belly. pull, pull, pull, mommy, pull!

the parents response: huh? where did you learn pull from?

adeline: baby come out of mommy's belly. mommy so happy.

parents {shocked} yes, that's right addy.

me: do you know who helped pull amelia out of mommy's belly?

adeline: uuuhhhh, daddy?

me: well, daddy too, but a doctor helped pull amelia out of mommy's belly.

adeline: {wide eyes. shocked face. seriously concerned furrowed brows. mouth in perfect o-shape. staring at me like i just said i was dying tomorrow. nearly in tears.}

wes & i realize that we just traumatized our preschooler. but wes continues: well, it was more like mommy pushed amelia out.

adeline: {looks even more traumatized. still saying nothing, just staring}

me: well, you were in mommy's belly like that before. that's how baby's come out, they grow in their mommy's belly!

wes: weren't you so happy when amelia was born & came home?

adeline: {with a weak, quiet voice. obviously still traumatized} yes, baby sister, so happy.


we said a few more meaningless additions...but adeline just seemed to have this quizzical look on her face the next few minutes. i mean, it's not like we were like: YOU CAME OUT OF MOMMY'S VAGINA! BLOOD WAS EVERYWHERE! MOMMY POOHED ON THE DELIVERY BED MINUTES BEFORE YOU WERE BORN! it was a very safe conversation but for some reason a doctor being involved in the whole situation just totally freaked her out. (she has no idea how wonderful the midwife & dr who delivered her were in comparison to amelia's delivery). maybe she thought it was the doctor she doesn't care for (well, i don't care for him either). who knows. but we for sure freaked her out. no worries, she seems fine this morning. (although last night at 9 p.m. she woke up screaming & crying after being asleep for half an hour...hhmmm).

***

update on hitting amelia: she's only chased adeline around the house 3 times this morning with a box, trying to hit her. really, adeline *runs* from her & amelia chases her, laughing. i stopped it once i figured out what was going on, but come on! adeline, just turn around & clobber the girl (you have 15 pounds on her! & quite a few inches! & coordination!). but instead i nabbed amelia, took the box & put it out of arm's reach. then amelia got the very mad-mom face & was firmly scolded...i went on for about 45 seconds & still amelia didn't wipe that smug grin off her face!

so now i'm wondering if this is just going to be amelia, trying to get her sister's goat constantly... or anyone else for that matter (she's hit a few other kids from time to time). sitting in time out seemed to cool her jets & then the 2nd time i gave her another round of mean mom voice, but this time she wasn't still smiling about it all. the 3rd time (*sigh*) i did the mean mom voice again & flicked the hand that she uses to hit. her lip trembled & then i put her in another time out. she came out of time without hitting for a whole 10 minutes now!

***

as for me, we stupidly went out to eat last night b/c i was feeling too miserable yesterday to make dinner, wes had no clue what to make...i should not have eaten out yet b/c my stomach is so queasy & there are signs of imminent & intimate toilet lovin' coming up soon. ugh. i know i shouldn't be drinking coffee w/ such a weak stomach, but how else will i get through today?!

i had hoped to make it somewhere to do some valentine's gift shopping (for the girls & wes) but i dunno if i'm going to take these girls out. hmm. it's just that last valentine's day wes got a card & a small gift for me ... & i didn't get him *anything*. not even a card. b/c i thought we weren't doing anything for valentine's day (i think we did get to go out for dinner last year???). so this year, dear wesley, i will have at least something for you.

the in between phase

first a picture dump

oh, just amelia being a bit post-sick grump.
she can quickly turn from devil-child to sweetie in 2 seconds.

adeline being so totally focused on the tv. dora, diego, curious george, & even caillou (if i'm desperate) go a long way right now.

the impressive nest adeline made a few days ago. i could hardly tell she was there except for the top of her hair sticking out & her voice shrieking: mommy! mommy! help! i g-tuck in my net!

adeline ready to become the abominable snow-girl outside

take this picture, add 8 more inches of snow & that's what we see today (wait! also add huge piles of snow around our driveway...they are taller than adeline).

***
title info:

our kids are of the age, the in between phase. they aren't old enough to play outside in this super cold weather. they aren't old enough to take them to a double movie in a theater. they aren't old enough to put them in front of a tv with a vomit-bowl by their side all day when sick (so mama can do the normal mama things around the house).

i'm trying to focus on the positive things about this phase & their ages. hmmm. amelia still takes one nap a day (usually. those no nap days are heinous). amelia can't talk back yet. i'm still their favorite person most days (although wes is amelia's favorite most often). adeline finally likes to watch tv longer than 2 minute at a time. they are willing to help out with random odd jobs around the house--i can even get them both to help me dust! (maybe b/c when we dust it's such a once in a lifetime experience?).

but after weeks of adeline & amelia both being sick on & off & me being sequestered to my house...i just don't know how much more i can take! every time i wake up in the morning, after one of the girls *just* recovered from a virus or fever, i think today we can: go to playgroup, go to the mall playground, go to the rec center playground, go to church, get out of the house! then i discover adeline has another high fever, amelia had diarrhea, etc-infinity.

i know so many parents are in the same situation. please, vent with me!

***

since i can't change the fact that adeline has another fever...i need to force myself to do an attitude change. i hate doing this. hate it. can't i just stew in my own self pity?!

blah. according to the pediatrician's check up this morning, adeline just keeps getting new viruses from school. the good thing? she's fighting them off, those few days--or sometimes half days--in between fever/symptom & new fever/symptom, that is her body being all hard core fighting off those ugly viruses. maybe it's the endless amount of cereal she eats? or her love for the flintstone vitamins? or maybe it's how she can eat a pound of fruit at one sitting? wait, i think it's the cup of ketchup she eats every week.

reminder: attitude adjustment.

***

so yesterday wes was home sick, right? well, we were all sick really. yuck. but he's feeling much better today. so anyway, wes was snuggling on the couch with amelia after lunch & suddenly crazy-hyper-post-lunch amelia fell dead asleep. just like that. she was screeching & babbling & kicking her feet in the air one second & the next she was peacefully sleeping on her daddy's chest. adorable.

& then at dinner last night (homemade chicken-rice-veggie soup & gf drop buttermilk biscuits...good for the sick belly) adeline looks intently at me, smiles & tells me: you look pretty today mama, cute hair! i leaped out of my chair, hugged her & told her what a sweet thing she is. b/c really, i looked like crapola yesterday (which is why as i type right now i have our pirate hat on, to cover the rat's nest that is my hair). where does she come up with this stuff?

ARGH!
***

& now i am feeling pretty darn nauseous & still have the fever from yesterday (100.4, same exact number). i don't think i can take any more medications (can i take anything w/ celebrex, a hard core NSAID? hhmm, must google that). the toilet is my friend today, sadly. i hope i'm just sitting on it instead of also hugging it. right?

as the illness settles in

here we go, we have *it* the lurking virus that has been hitting some people we know here in ohio & also in idaho. all weekend adeline had a fever, which i mentioned isn't so unusual b/c she's had a fever for 3 straight weekends. well, this time, it meant something. but monday morning she felt so much better, fever was gone so i sent her along to school. she felt fine after she got home, ate a normal lunch, was acting totally normal & then she ate a granola bar for a snack at 3. by 3:30, she was complaining that her stomach hurt & kept that up until 5:30. then she snuggled up to me on a rocking chair for 10 minutes, nearly fell asleep...then we were all starting to walk down the stairs to get dinner ready & she burps. i ask her if she's okay b/c she has this look on her that says: i don't feel good. she does this burpy noise again, i tell wes who was close to her, she's going to vomit! he picks her up, rushing to the bathroom...spewing vomit all over the floor, door frame, then only making it to the sink. all the new stuff was tested & made it through a severe vomit.

speaking of vomit, addy's was pink from the berries in her granola...i mean, it was just a few dried up berries but it made her vomit bright pink. odd, huh?

so she's officially sick. then wes tells me he feels a bit stomach sick & finally divulges that he's had the runs for a few days, which adeline has had for nearly a week (that, i knew...addy is still not pooping in the toilet, so we still get to change those lovely diarrhea pull ups). last thursday (?? don't know if i'm remembering correctly) amelia threw up at night & she's also had diarrhea.

anyway, so wes insists that he thinks he just has some stomach problems from the enormous amount of left over lasagna he ate for lunch. so i go with that & we made tacos for dinner. bad choice. by 7:40 everyone was in bed except me. (i got to watch some uninterrupted recorded tv shows!)

here's a joke: you know the gerbicks are having a rough day when heidi is the healthiest gerbick family member. haha ha!

wes then vomits around 10. now. if you've never heard wes vomit, you are certainly lucky. b/c it sounds like he's dying...seriously, the first time this happened my body was sent into a panic & i thought i should probably call 911 b/c it just really sounds like he's upchucking his small intestine. it has made adeline cry before b/c she's so scared of the amazingly grotesque noise coming from her daddy. anyway, so that happened.

somehow everyone slept mostly through the night (amelia lost her bottle & was awake crying at 12:30 & 5:30, but that's just a fluke). & this morning we all have a minor fever (amelia's being the highest at 100.4, so really, we don't have it so bad). this is the great part: wes was going to go to work. with a fever, after he had just thrown up the night before. it's like i have to treat him like a kid, reminding him that he's sick & can get others sick. i really despise needing to talk to my husband like a child, but really, going to work today would be so rude to his co-workers. i even offered to drive there (in our 2nd round of deep, thick snow) to get his needed papers & drawings, etc...but he won't let me do that, of course (martyr syndrome going on here, lol).

& now i have a fever & the runs--sorry if that's tmi, but good to know if you've been around the gerbicks lately...things to watch out for. now i'm really glad i didn't send adeline over to our small group with that fever. as for wes, he didn't have a fever, so sorry small group folks. anyway, know that it is snowing beautifully out there & we wish we were well enough to be out in it. one good thing is that wes & addy's 2nd snowman has held on, the head is still attached days later.

so i've given in & put a movie on for adeline & am drinking coffee while my stomach is gurgling & wes is walking around looking pale & terrible. & amelia is *wow* grumpy & probably has the same gurgly stomach. we're all in this together; gotta love family illnesses, eh?

& this just in:

adeline, now has this mystery high fever...i thought she was rather warm since saturday afternoon but then we all thought i was just so cold that her feeling warm was a fluke. not so. after lunch today i took her temp to get a 102.6. ugh. what is it from? & some people may think me totally heartless, but if she feels better in the morning, off to school she goes. really, amelia had this on & off again fever for 2 1/2 weeks, i can't not send her to school for 2 1/2 weeks for an illness the doctor won't even give us an antibiotic for (we saw the ped twice for amelia, still, no antibiotics given to us, even with her high fevers, another ugh).

i was really looking forward to sending her off to school happily tomorrow so i could continue my cleaning of the rooms (which includes a severe dusting of walls, baseboards, toys, blinds, etc). so far i've only done the girls' bedrooms. i know, this is severe. i'm getting a wee bit crazy cleaning here. but amelia helps out so well with her fake & barely wet rag, wiping the walls off with this huge grin on her face.

sorry for the rant. winter illnesses drive me bonkers.

as you can see...

...we've made some changes on this here blog of ours. i don't know why, just felt like a time to do a bit of a kid-centric look for awhile. i hope it is enjoyable to ye readers *smile*

the girls are playing together right now. without fighting or pushing or adeline pulling that crazed child look right before she mows over her sister in full steam. they're, of course, playing with their kitchen stuff. so crawfords & weinsteins, thank you *so much* for giving us your family's kitchen set to re-do & give to our girls. they love it immensely.

***

yesterday was a bit of a disaster for me. i had an appointment with the infamous dr im, the d.o. who finally took my pain & symptoms seriously 3 months ago. & i have held to him saying 'my guess is that you'll be feeling mostly back to normal by our appointment in janurary.' well, damn it. not so much.

during the appointment, after i told him of how i felt great for about a month, then sleep started to become less like sleep & more about wake up, go back to sleep, wake up, (or wake up at 2 & don't go back to sleep at all! argh!)...then i mentioned other things & then--& this is so embarrassing--i started crying in front of him! he was very kind about it all, just handed me a box of tissues & said the dreaded words...'some people take longer than others for their adrenal glands to recover & regain proper functioning. with this type of fibromyalgia, our goal right now is that you have more good days than bad ones. think of all the improvements you have made so far, let's concentrate on the positives.' by that time i was nearly sobbing & i'm sure he was making a mental note in his head to underline the symptom i had just told him of having these 'mood swings', lol.

i was given some more supplements to take & then told to switch my sleeping pill. i went in hoping to lessen my pill intake & came out with two more! & an open rx for diflucan, the miracle pill for yeast infections. i get about 2 yeast infections a month! yes, lovely, isn't it? so after i mentioned that, he ordered bloodwork to see if i have a gluten sensitivity...& the thing about being in a hospital & being poked with so many needles is that i just sat right down in their lab downstairs (they have such a nice facility!), gave them my arm, they took my blood, i smiled at them, thanking them for a nice job, & walked out. amazing. a year ago, i would have to lay down for 20 minutes to ensure i didn't pass out & i would be doing some birth-breathing while the needle was going in, etc. what a change a year makes; i can finally take a blood draw like an adult!

so i came home & thankfully my mom was here b/c all i did for the next 3 hours was cry. i would be fine & then i'd think of all the pills i'm taking, the pains i have, the headaches, the migraines, etc & would just cry again. ugh, what a day. the only highlight of that appointment was that dr im said that getting a massage a few times a month would be very beneficial to the muscle/fibromyalgia pain. yea! he mentioned some places that have discounts if you pay for 6 months at a time, so we shall see. really, all i see are $$$, but...

***

anyway. adeline indeed has some sort of virus going on. lots of coughing, lots of snot, a fever. & when adeline has all of these things, well, like any sick person, she can be very grumpy. like just now. she came over to me suddenly (she was in the other room playing nicely with her sister) & nearly yells to me with this very mean look on her face: I DO SOMETHING NOW. I NEED SOMETHING. I NEED SOMETHING. so i remind her how to ask a question in a nice voice & she just keeps yelling I NEED SOMETHING & i ask her what does she need & she just yells back. so i sternly ask her, is this how you are to ask for help? i don't know what you need unless you tell me more details. to which she screams: I NEED SOMETHING NOOOOWWWWWW. as you can imagine, she is now in time out, wailing, 'i want daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy' etc.

oh the joys of a sick preschooler! i am guessing that, yes, she does need something. maybe a drink or help reaching something. but with her limited communications abilities right now & probably her head ache & just not feeling well...she sorta turns into this monster who really just needs a big hug. & now amelia is imitating her sister & is walking around the house with her bunny, doing fake cries. ugh. this is going to be a long day.

***

i am envisioning a year from now: adeline will be 4.25 years old, amelia 2.25 years old. all the baby toys will be gone, adeline will be able to get her own snacks (hopefully) & she may even be pooping in the toilet! GAH! amelia may even be potty trained by then! & hopefully both will be better at communication. i can hope, right? don't take hope away from me.

***

last night i started reading adeline a young children's version of the lion, the witch, & the wardrobe (by c. s. lewis). i wasn't quite sure if she was old enough, after the whole being terrified of finding nemo thing...but she was entranced. we read about 4 pages & she got about 1 inch from the pictures to see each detail. i would stop & ask her questions about the story to see if she was understanding & she did! she liked it! maybe in a few years we can bring out the real book & read it, then the movie.

here is a quote i found when searching for quotes for the blog banner. i just really like c.s. lewis

"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself."
— C.S. Lewis (Mere Christianity)

which is how it feels now, like god is doing some minor (or other days, major) demolition in my body, in my life. & i have to believe that it is for the better.

***
also, my favorite author: chaim potok. i just really like his writing & stories. plus the whole learning about yamachas, which is very exciting. he has a seriies devoted to the life of asher lev...which if we had had a son, that was going to be his name (until my sister named her *cat* asher...& also b/c wes denied jude/judah until he met our friends' son, jude, who is a great kid & then he was like 'i think i could've done 'jude' for a boy now. well...too late, my hubby!). anyway, here's an excerpt:

"Human beings do not live forever, Reuven. We live less than the time it takes to blink an eye, if we measure our lives against eternity. So it may be asked what value is there to a human life. There is so much pain in the world. What does it mean to have to suffer so much if our lives are nothing more than the blink of an eye?

I learned a long time ago, Reuven, that a blink of an eye in itself is nothing. But the eye that blinks, that is something. A span of life is nothing. But the man who lives that span, he is something. He can fill that tiny span with meaning, so its quality is immeasurable though its quantity may be insignificant. Do you understand what I am saying? A man must fill his life with meaning, meaning is not automatically given to life.

It is hard work to fill one's life with meaning. That I do not think you understand yet. A life filled with meaning is worthy of rest. I want to be worthy of rest when I am no longer here."
— Chaim Potok (The Chosen)

***

i really must go before the double a's devise & carry out a coup .

of parties & push overs

i know, it's been awhile since we've shared a great crazy millie hair picture. so here's one to chuckle over:

they may look all lovey-lovey...

but just 5 seconds after this picture was taken, adeline gently--but firmly--pushed amelia off the see-saw & then amelia cried so pitifully. i think you can sorta see the mischevious look in addy's face in the picture. like 'i'm gonna push you off baby, get ready!

this is addy showing off the standard dripping nose solution in our house (well, from my family). she was imitating me this day.

***
halloween prep started last night. i made some sugar cut outs & then adeline helped decorate. i can assure you that she did not sneeze on any cookies or icing. although she may have put the icing in her mouth, taken it back out, then iced the cookie with that icing...i'm pretty sure she ate that one, though.

this glittery icing tube got the best response out of her: ooohhh mama, woooow, oooohhh. apparently, she likes all things glittery that are to be eaten.

& today was the party at her preschool. & yes, she's sitting next to spiderman & a skeleton! & she's a pirate. we even taught her to say 'argh'

these are 5th graders who are known as addy's 'buddies'. the 5th grade class comes down every other week (i think) & does projects with the preschoolers. so these are addy's two buddies...who were so sweet! they were asking her questions & gave her some halloween cards & talked to me about how nice & quiet & cute she is...made my mama heart smile. the girl in the striped shirt was excited b/c she was also going as a pirate for beggar's night. (which may be why addy suddenly chose to be a pirate if the girl told her earlier last week?? hhmmm). this buddy thing is a pretty fantastic thing. addy was just *excited* to have their undivided attention & was talking away with them...& they were kind enough not to point out that they probably couldn't understand most of what she was saying.

i didn't tell addy to give a pirate face, but i think she's trying to look like she only has one eye here. *smile*

& here is addy's class (minus the 5th grader at the every end). i believe we have (left to right) mr. incredible, a ninja, skeleton-boy, star wars dude, spiderman hiding, robin hood, santa claus, pirate addy, then snow white.

it was so fun to see addy interacting on her turf. she knew all the cues for being quiet & picking up...she also became overwhelmed & cried for mama & i held her for a bit, then she was right back into the party.

as for health. we suck at preventing illnesses. now i have this weird stomach bug that makes it unable for me to sleep. then amelia was awake for a few hours last night. so ARGH. we are exhausted. my mom was here today to watch amelia so i could go to this party & i came home & seriously pooped out & then went to bed. i slept for about 2 1/2 hours! woah. tonight we dosed the girls up with benedryl, then adeline snuck into the bathroom & took amelia's dose in addition to her own, so...addy should be knocked out for the night! let's just hope the same is true for amelia. b/c gosh darn it, we need to sleep! wes even slept in amelia's room with her for part of the night & that didn't do much to help her. again, ARGH.

must go to bed...

an affair will begin on monday

an affair with a new doctor, a d.o. which, from what i've read, means a holistic/homeopathic dr. or something like that. the thing with my current family doctor, well, she wasn't worried with the whole host of symptoms from a unknown-at-the-time brain tumor for 2 years & said it was most likely hormones. although, every time i went she did neurological exams (pushing, pulling, etc of limbs) but never ordered any further tests. after the tumor was discovered from a hunch of my EYE doctor, she then told me that her own dad has the *same* tumor, so you'd think medical degree plus family experience would give her better patient insight, but not so.

so surgery side effects (& the amazing surgeon is apparently done dealing with me, or at least that's what the passive aggressive lack of response to my emails is telling me) plus my stomach & IBS problems & muscle pain & recurrent yeast infections (sorry, dad...or anyone who didn't care to know that, lol)... it's just all something i'm ready to tackle b/c i'm ready to feel healthy again. i'm ready to accept any blood tests & possible daily medications/vitamins/etc that this DO will give to me (just *don't* get near me with acupuncture. i will totally freak out, you have no clue). yes, i have decided to move on, hoping a different type of doctor will be able to help me. so today all of my doctors (gyno, general dr, optical neurologist, & brain surgeon/ent) are receiving a fax asking them to send my records to this new doctor...should be a large file! the new doc will be like *what did i get myself into by accepting this lady as a patient?!* wish me luck. & if this doc works out for me, well, the whole clan is switching b/c they also do pediatrics. especially if the current ped says ever again that amelia's fussiness & lack of sleep at times is b/c of a cranky disposition *smile*

***

& this just in this morning: a kid in addy's preschool class has a confirmed case of h1n1 flu. i'm guessing it's the boy who lives near us, as well (i didn't follow his mom's van to or from school today or yesterday, so...just a guess, though). i haven't freaked out yet about this whole h1n1 stuff... until now. we have appointments in mid-november for regular flu vaccines, i was hoping to get them earlier, but we called too late. it was recommended (from my family dr) that i get the h1n1 vaccine, but i didn't follow through & it wasn't set aside for me. so......now enters the freak out stage. especially when addy's teacher pulled me aside & said 'watch her closely, she has had this cough for a few weeks now & will be more prone to get it'. so is that a nice way of saying 'your kid's going to get it & she's already sick a bit' OR 'she sits next to the sick kid & drank from his sippy cup two days ago'. or both.

we're calling around to find at least the regular flu vaccine & apparently no one has any available (not even kroger! well, they had 2 this morning & said they will be gone within an hour or something like that & they don't give them to children under 14 anyway). so what the hell is a parent to do? get my kids to gargle with salt water?! seriously.not.going.to.happen. i even called my sister who works at children's hospital & was like *can you help us in any way?!* & she did make some calls, but still, no vaccines available. i am envisioning lots of vomiting/diarrhea & little sleep coming our way over the next week. maybe even a trip to the er! yipppeee!

so i'm trying to enjoy the warm, wonderful weather today before any germs take effect. who knows, maybe we won't get it. maybe addy's super high fever 2 weeks ago was h1n1 & we may not get it again! (yea right, i know). at this point in the columbus area right now h1n1 is basically unavoidable...i was just hoping we would have the seasonal flu vaccine in us to help a bit.

wait, back to trying to enjoy the day!

the old amelia

amelia is slowly coming back to life after a stint with vaccines, a cold turned ear infection, a discovery that she is *allergic* to penicillin (amoxicillan). last night she slept for 12 hours! this morning her eyes are bright again & she is roaming the house looking for things to discover. yes, she did that the past 10 days but this time she's in her discovery mode without the whining cry that means "pick me up NOW". since i have started to type, she has climbed up & down our wooden indoor kid slide 4 or 5 times, smiling back at me before she goes down the slide (she has now learned to turn around & go down feet first on her belly! not head first--she still does this but i think it's for adventure's sake)

so now adeline has caught this nastiness we have in this home & also has an ear infection with a fever. another double trip to the pediatrician later & we are filled to the gills with antibiotics! i nearly have my voice back but it's shaky & unpredictable. i tried to quack like a duck for amelia last night while reading a book & wes was like *don't ever try to make that noise again* b/c it sounded like it came from the belly of the devil? hhmm, i don't know. men.

***

what else besides illness is going on? well, our rv neighbors are still here. sadly, they will be leaving tomorrow or friday morning. it's so strange--we haven't really talked with them a whole lot since we moved but we have just picked up like we've been neighbors the whole time. but only better b/c we've been around each other a lot & we still like each other! lol.

i am beyond ready for us all to feel better. so we can go do things (like shop for adeline's school list. & new school shoes. this girl grows out of shoes faster than i can say velcro...i'm thinking converse? i'm giving up on the expensive shoes b/c she's had a blister nearly all summer. before you think it, nope, wearing socks & a band aid DO NOT help. she will just get a blister somewhere else on the same foot...*sigh*). so off to target we go soon (oh in the next 2 weeks?). hopefully. if no one else gets sick.

***

here's a trivia question: how long does it take an insurance company to issue a family their new insurance cards?

answer: for sure over 3 weeks.

if i could talk & have that very stern, but sweet phone voice i would be calling up blue cross blue shield & giving them hell about this. i mean, we've gone to 4 doc appointments, filled 5 prescriptions & every time we get the 'get your new insurance card' lecture. i want to make someone pay for this. like the insurance company--PAY FOR OUR ILLNESSES...like your job description states! oh, while on this topic, the same stupid insurance folks sent me a letter, personally signed mind you, explaining that with my diagnosis it may be wise to go with what they called a 'insurance healthcare case worker' who would help me figure it all out. whaatt? i thought that was funny. maybe they don't understand that a baby plus brain tumor plus brain surgery = not on ongoing condition? at least i hope they don't have the inside scoop to know that an acoustic neuroma is an ongoing condition? anyway, i found it humorous. you know--it's like i'm elderly & they see the need b/c of my $160K (yes, we're up to that now) in insurance care claims to send someone to help me. what am i missing?

***

ji6 t jhg6bgtbtbtbtbtbtbtbtehjmny IIIIIIIIK66B BV ,IK6IOTEFYE4FFVV/

that was a note from amelia, who is ready for her mom to stop typing & play with her already.

what can i say?

the answer to the title question: NOTHING! i have lost my voice. no, not my ability to give my opinion to an audience, but my actual voice is gone & barely audible (this is a first). i started to get a wee bit sick on thursday, friday it hit me hard, saturday my voice started to crack like a teenager & this morning i woke up & can barely whisper. crazy, crazy, cray. so besides the fact that 2 of my 5 senses have been compromised (not counting my dire need to have glasses or contacts lest i walk into walls or think clouds are truly marshmallows), now the ability to speak has been temporarily taken away from me as well. you know, half of my head is numb to touch, i can't hear a whole lot out of my left ear, & now i can't talk. what next? i've always been afraid of going blind...lol. besides my throat hurting like someone has poured boiling oil down it, i'm feeling better & sort of think this no talking thing is kinda *funny*. i mean, it has to be wes' favorite day yet since our marriage! lol...his wife can't tell him what to do or how to do it. (i'm sure he doesn't quite feel that way, but i *bet* there's a part of him that's like 'hhmm, this isn't all too bad for me' *smile*).

so don't call me. i can answer, BUT...you won't hear me. it will be a pointless conversation, a waste of our time. you can text me! or email! i can barely even discipline the kids, so i'm sort of removed from most things, lol. you know i can still give that MAMA MEAN LOOK, though, right? the look that should send shivers of fear up & down adeline & amelia's spines? yes, i can still do that. but don't ask me for directions or advice. you'll be lost.

so how am i still a bit happy & finding humor in really annoying things? well, we have house guests ?? technically, not house guests, just guests b/c they live in their rv & it's parked outside our house. they were our next door neighbors in boise & have kept up a email & facebook friendship since moving. then they rented out their home & followed jesus' lead that they were to travel the great u.s. of a. serving others ( http://www.share5.org/ ) they have amazing stories about jesus sending them to certain places to help people & just plain serve others. share their time, share their jesus joy, etc. plus we just really love the houcks! so they are here to stay for about a week to sorta help us out while i'm recovering & getting back into the groove of stay at home mamaness. chad (the hubby/father) helped wes do some deck demolition yesterday while amy & i went to trader joe's & then she got a very beautiful hair cut from my stylist. good things for everyone.

another fine part of the houcks being here is that adeline has become fast friends with their kids (girl age 5, boy age 4). when she wakes up in the morning she points outside to their rv (what she views as a train, lol) & starts going CHOOO CHOOOO, hhhmmm, emy, emy (a version of their daughter's name) & is quite taken with the boy. they are both some of the sweetest, most tenderhearted kids i've ever met. wes & i have always strived to be parents like chad & amy (since we knew them & their kids before we had kids). know what i mean, it was the thought 'we want our kids in the future to be like their kids in that our kids will love others & feel secure enough about themselves to be kind & mind their parents, etc etc' & OHMYGOSH, these kids are amazing.

their boy in a play hat, w/ griswold
me pushing the dress-up girls. they even had play names! adorable.3 musketeers watching tv. adeline will be so sad when they leave.so the houcks & their share5 rv are here, helping us out & rekindling a friendship from a few years ago & still inspiring us along the way. amazing.

***
did i mention that amelia is (supposedly per pediatrician...i dunno) teething 8 teeth including her molars all at once, plus has an ear infection & a 104.3 fever when not inundated with motrin & tylenol? wes & adeline are mostly healthy (wes has a minor version of my virus). i 2nd kristin brandt's wish: i hope this is not an indication of how this winter will go as well (they had a winter of illness misery last year as well). or i will lose it (my mind).

in other news, adeline had her first smore last night during our bonfire. wes has found a lego fanatic friend in the houck's boy & i just found out that trader joe's has a version of THE OREO! what next?!

***

i'm off to eat a popsicle!

mid-day meltdown

this morning, when i woke up i made a choice that today was for the two double a batteries, as my mom has nicknamed adeline & amelia. i would do whatever with them & have fun & sit on the floor or on they were leading me to do. adeline got to watch curious george before eating her breakfast & for her snack, we made a cereal-snack necklace (which she ate in a matter of 90 seconds, oh my goodness folks). amelia went down for a morning nap for the first time since last saturday! seriously, no joke...it's been a rough week to say the least.

then adeline & i did the *great missing puzzle piece search* & we found all the pieces that have been missing for the past few weeks (AHA: the 'h' was hidden under a side table) then we put all the puzzles together. we did laundry, etc & once amelia woke up, played in the playroom. lunch went well & everyone was pleased with daddy's grilled hot dogs even though all our bread & buns were moldy (how does that happen when we JUST bought them?!)...btw: we didn't eat the moldy bread. we ate the hot dogs a la atkins diet.

after wes left i promised adeline a walk around the neighborhood...she directed me towards the park, naturally. amelia started to cry along the way; then she started to belt it out, crying, crying, crying. i took her out & let her sit on the steering bars of the stroller. she was happy. at the park, things took a big turn for the worse. amelia's nose is running non stop & then her eye starts to swell shut!

what.is.going.on.???

we make it home, call the ped & speak with a nurse. long story short, it's probably her allergies again. the allergies we thought she had, then didn't think she had, so stopped her meds a few months ago, & now again it's happening. all over. thanks dr sotos from wednesday's appointment when i mentioned that something is amiss in amelia. (that was filled with sarcastic anger, in case you didn't catch that). did you even take the time to read her chart (b/c our usual ped is on vacation). oh wonderful dr sotos, you could have picked up up on this one had you cared to take the time.

for the past 90 minutes i have yet again been wrestling with a baby, trying my hardest to get her to sleep. b/c she's exhausted & on ibuprofen & benedryl (per nurse recommendations) & her eyes are all red & her nose won't stop running continuous snot into ther mouth. instead amelia fights me & is kicking & flailing her head & arms every which way. i finally get her to sleep & adeline walks in talking loudly & wakes amelia up.

I GIVE UP. i am admitting defeat today; i feel trampled on & worn down from everything going on. i don't have the energy to even know what else to do for amelia. yea i took an anxiety pill awhile ago & here i am, still losing it. i just keep wondering if it's asking too much of god to intervene & at least heal amelia's allergies or virus or whatever the hell is going on with her. that bullshit line of 'god only gives you what you can handle'...well, that's what it is, bullshit. b/c right now, this week, i am way over my head of what i can handle. beyond it, to the moon, as adeline would say.

i have never doubted in god before. i've strayed away, all the while knowing he was there, with me, helping & guiding me & shielding me from the terrible blows. but not this week, i am just admitting that i feel totally alone. i hear from nearly everyone that they are praying for me & here i am, when i need to feel god most, i feel nothing but anxiety & sadness & overwhelmed with the stress of a pending *huge* surgery & sick kids with asses for pediatricians. i don't know exactly what i'm saying here about god & all, but what i am asking for is *more* whatever that means b/c my choice to have a good day has totally been over-ridden with more illness & confusion & frustration to the point where choosing to have a calmness about me is beyond my control.

so yea. what.the.hell.is.going.on. it's not like i'm job or something. right, god, right?

inappropriate

addy has a new favorite thing to do: strip down outside. apparently running around naked, going down the slide naked (ya...OUUUCH?!), sitting in the water table naked...you get the picture. it usually happens when a neighbor is outside in their backyard watering their flowers or sitting at their patio table sipping wine or lemonade, enjoying a nice afternoon/evening drink. then -wammo- there's a our nearly 3 year old girlie streaking around, saying 'hi' to them. lovely. if no one else was out, i guess i wouldn't see that much of a problem with it. i mean, i've seen our male neighbors & my own hubby walking around outside without a shirt & just boxers on, so this isn't so different? maybe it is. whaddyathink? inappropriate or a right of passage into older-kidhood? i remember walking down to my grandma's in just my red moon boots (thankfully she only lived 4 houses down!).

***
now for amelia. since her 2nd front/top tooth has poked through, she has reverted back to her amazingly wonderful & happy baby self. smiling, cooing, clapping, loving on us with hugs...it's spectacular & i never want her to get another tooth again! but the poor baby also has some diarrhea problems right now, which has also given her a nasty diaper rash. but she's still fairly calm about it all ("my butts on fire, but i don't care, my butts on fire, but i dooon't caaaaarrrreee, i'm wishing you a happy day annnyyywwway" = the song i pretend she's singing to me as she does her pitiful attempt at babble-singing).

***
4th groundhog eating our plants episode. we are running out of extra starts. & recently it ate wes' prized lemon tomato plant. the war is on. wes now is feeling very proactive about this situation & is ignoring my idea of introducing ourselves to the neighbors & asking them to put out a live-catch trap to take their groundhogs away. he now wants to kill them. which i agree, but it's not a feasible plan. any thoughts?

***
i have decided that i'm very happy with our decision to switch churches now (from central vineyard to 'big' vineyard aka vineyard of columbus). it's so close to us, addy is now staying in the classroom the entire time, as is amelia...also, i am amazed at the racial diversity! it's like we left a mostly white church 4 years ago to move to boise & came back after a year at cv to find a church that seems half white, half black. which is very very cool indeed...& the music changes took some sundays to get used to, but now i am really enjoying the choir & more gospel songs integrated into the worship. anyway, i just wanted to throw that out there. so to answer jennifer stauffer's question: yep, we do go to big vineyard & addy is there, tearing it up with her own put together outfits.

***

after a few hours of this post resting on the screen, a few things have changed: both girls are giving readings of 100 degree fevers. addy complains of belly ache. both are sweaty & grumpy. here we go!

amelia also took an entire jar of baby food for lunch! what a sneaky kid. i talked to the pediatrician's nurse who said to give her bananas (amelia) to help stop the runs (apparently diarrhea is a very odd side effect for the allergy medication, but it's recommended we stop it just to be sure, for a few days). so i looked at the bananas we had in our fruit/veggie bowl & thought yuck as the fruit flies were swarming around the brown, shriveled 1 1/2 bananas. so i dug out the baby food jars that i had placed aside to give away, thinking, well, if amelia doesn't eat them, addy will. she gobbled the entire jar like a baby bird. she also let me feed her some mashed potatoes! for those who haven't tried to spoon feed amelia in the last 3 months, let's just say it's nearly impossible. but today, she let me. so...she must be sick?!

***

& here's a funny me story: last night i woke up around 1:45 a.m. & was in panic! i was looking all over the room (from the perch in my bed) for amelia, who i thought was pooping & then also eating her poop. i woke up wes with an urgent request: 'find amelia & get her to stop eating her poop!' once i said it aloud to wes, it sounded ridiculous to me & i knew i was dreaming. so after wes looked at me like i was crazy, i said something along the lines of 'forget it' & tried to go back to sleep, but couldn't...