repunzel, repunzel...

...i joked over email with a friend this morning that some kid will be saying that to adeline when she turns 6. b/c until she turns 6, she is sequestered to her bedroom. b/c she has been a total grump & really, to be honest, a spawn of the devil today (GASP. THAT MAKES *ME* THE DEVIL! well...i guess tell me something i didn't already know, eh? i mean, can't we all be a bit devilish at times? fallen human nature & all?)

this, my friends, is addy's grumpy & mean face & is mostly what she has been showing us since wednesday.

there have been moments of non-grumpy face adeline. but those moments don't last so long. so as i mentioned before, she has been told to go to her room, hold her teddy bear & let the tears flow. i held her while she cried for a bit but it seems it just may be one of those times where she just has to get over *it*--whatever IT is--by herself.

then wes & i joke about keeping her there until she turns 6. then the jokes about repunzel start, b/c really, if adeline is stuck in her bedroom until then her fast growing hair just may make it at least down to the lower window in 3 years, right? ADELINE, ADELINE, LET DOWN THINE HAIR!

this is the thing. i know how terrible i feel when a virus hits me hard as it has adeline. i know i feel miserable...but how do we help her understand that she can feel miserable & hate the world YET still be kind to others? i can not even count the number of toys she has thrown or the number of times she has pushed amelia & swatted at amelia over the past few days & especially this morning. we've had it! we're up to our ears in devil-child & i can't take it anymore!

say it with me: BEN-E-DRYL. are there any other options for cold relief for 3 year olds? seriously, drug companies! do something about this!

***

what else have we been up to? remodeling the girls' bathroom! we have a strict time frame: from saturday (yesterday) to this saturday morning, when we will have guests here (wes' parents). guests use this bathroom when they are here so it *needs* to be finished by then. really, it's good that we have a strict time frame...or else it could go on & on forever, with no end in sight. like our kitchen. or our bedroom.

this is one of the glimmers of hope in our past few days: the sick, but still a bit happy, adeline. also note the two missing drawer fronts. remember me telling you how they just fall off when opening the drawer? well, here's a good shot of the aftermath: open-ended drawers. perfect for toddler hands to reach in & begin destruction of property.

so we probably should buy a new cabinet, right? but our thought is that we have a few more years of child-destruction ahead of us, with them climbing & pulling & falling into the cabinet. so we decided to just paint it & then maybe in 5 or so years, if needed, then to buy a new one. you know, when the drawers that wes is gluing & stapling & nailing back on start to fall off again.

you *know* you are envious of this light fixture. AND let's not forget to mention the medicine cabinet door! hello saloon door, what type of medicine to you have for me today? it is a great way to hang hair barrettes. hhmm. once it's gone, i will have to find a new method, drats! i bet it will look much better, though.

the person we bought this house from was a realtor. & a really terrible home-fixer-upper-person. b/c they put in all these cabinets that are falling apart & the ugly tile & the light fixtures. YES! they went out & purchased (!!!) these light fixtures! but they also did other weird things like put in toilet paper holders in dry wall that are supposed to go into tile walls (the porcelain kind, the kind that when you take them out they leave a huge hole in the wall) & then they put the towel racks about 5 feet *away* from the shower. the holes that have been spackled over are from the really super hideous towel racks that we pulled down immediately upon arrival b/c they were that ugly.

so here's our list for this week:

• paint ceiling (done)
• fill holes with dry wall & spackle mini holes & peeled drywall from who-knows-what & then sand (nearly done)
  
• paint trim & cabinet (started)
  
• paint walls
• buy new sink, medicine cabinet, cabinet for over the toilet, etc
  
• install new light
• install new medicine cabinet
• install new towel racks & tp holder
• install cabinet above toilet
• install new countertop & sink
• move faucet from the master bathroom to this bathroom (another oddity that i will explain below)
  
• install new hardware on teh drawers/cabinet doors (another story i will tell below)

*oddity: the faucet in our bathroom matches the shower faucet in the girls' bathroom. soo...they went to home depot or some place like that, purchased a new shower faucet set & the new sink faucet to match, then installed the sink one in the master bathroom. seriously, how can a realtor be so, uh, un-appealing? mis-matched? didn't they ever watch hgtv?!

*story: when we moved in, oh nearly 3 years ago, we bought a new light & then new drawer/cupboard pulls for this bathroom with the intention of remodeling this bathroom, oh, 3 years ago. we did work very hard that first 8 months...then millie's pregnancy began & voila! all home projects stopped until the play room, then our bedroom (still incomplete, that's why you haven't seen the 'after' shots yet), & yes, the kitchen will probably never be finished until we decide to completely re-gut & get new cabinets & floors (a few years away, my estimation...b/c it will shadow wes getting his old salary plus the raise he deserves with the promotion...will that ever happen? hhmm...that's why i say give us a few years). anyway, so we bought the pulls/hardware with plans to remodel this bathroom years ago. then we didn't & we put these fairly pricey pieces *somewhere*. do you know where? b/c we DON'T! we both have seen them at least once over the past 2 1/2 years but don't quite remember where. we have looked everywhere since yesterday. **we even cleaned wes' 'workshop' room in the basement in hopes that that lowe's plastic bag filled with these pulls would be found in the depths of one of the many other bags & bins & piles. nope.

i know we just have to go buy new ones, loose the reciept, & like magic the originals will turn up. in a place we never thought to look (under the couch?!)

***
so. that's the goings-on here. i'll leave you with a cute shot of our cuties.

the holiday letter 2009

i have procrastinated this too long, our letter of 2009 goings-on in the gerbick family. in fact, i put it off so much that it didn't make it into christmas cards. *sigh*

so now, i must start & finish, with two squealing girls playing upstairs. one needs a diaper & is without due to a nasty diaper rash {amelia} & the other who is in grump mode b/c her wee sister is trying--with success--to take all the matchbox cars & run away as fast as her 16 month old legs can take her. i am also letting go of all parenting guilt, allowing my house to be a *disaster* & my kids to be playing upstairs without an adult present, making my house more destroyed than i can fully anticipate. you must understand this situation & forgive grammatically incorrect sentences & misspellings b/c my brain is not fully concentrating on just one thing (as all parents would understand & sympathize with, i'm sure of it).

to start, here's a recent photo of us.
(amelia, wes, heidi, adeline...sorry griswold, you missed out on the picture this time)

so let's start with our family. plain & simple: we've had a rough year. last winter we were all sick constantly. not a month went by that we didn't visit the doctor/pediatrician at least 3 times, sometimes every week with multiple visits...the pharmacists recognized us at the drive-through. our kids grew to love their medicine droppers so much that they took them everywhere after getting the dose, sucking on the ends like pacifiers. (kind of odd, yes.).

and just as illnesses were slowing down & spring was fully here & our garden was starting to grow (from seeds that wes started!), i received shocking news that i had an acoustic neuroma tumor. thankfully, we have a top-notch, world class surgeon only 15 minutes away at the ohio state university hospital (seriously, this surgeon studies these specific types of tumors, has done over 800 surgeries, & goes around the world lecturing & discussing his procedures). surgery was the best option considering the location of the tumor, my age, & the symptoms i was experiencing. once the surgery date was set (july 28) the next part of the summer was spent with wes & i in a state of panic, reviewing the surgery & surgical side effects & really, us just being in this cloud of anxiety & frantic response-parenting. really, it's not that easy for me to hear that someone is going to open up my skull & play around with very important nerves & remove part of the tumor from my brain. 'nuff said, eh?

in short, the surgery was a smashing success. they were able to remove the entire benign tumor, keep most of my hearing in my left ear, & i left the hospital after 5 days (the SICU was very comfortable, folks). learning to walk without one of my balance nerves was quite a trick, as was doing most of anything at first, but i can now say nearly 5 months later that i would do it all again, choosing the surgery over the radiation treatments. i've had some health problems post-surgery that are being treated & we can all see drastic improvements over the past month.

back to the family, eh? (but it's hard to get across how much this tumor--which i named harold--affected each of us. adeline knew mommy had an owie & would try to take care of me. i didn't think role reversal would happen to soon! amelia suddenly lost her favorite night time cuddler--ahem, me. wes took on nearly every household & childcare duty while i went through the bumpy recovery). it seems during this time of tumor-haze, our family learned to appreciate one another & simply, life, even more. dangle a carrot of brain surgery above most humans & you would most likely get the same response. however, without our extended family & our basis of love & respect for each other, wes & i & our girls could be in much worse shape. god has spoken to us & through others during this time...giving us hope for the future, peace when confronted with the 'in sickness' part of our wedding vows, joy when all the options in life are pointing towards sorrow & anger. somehow, god has turned this period of illness into a time where he is molding all of us, hopefully into something more useful to him.

***

the girls, adeline & amelia

let me mention a few things about my girls as sisters. it is such a mama-heart-warming time to see them interact with each other. the hugs back & forth--love them. i also somehow enjoy their fights, it reminds me of my own siblings, so i'm not too worried...they'll turn out just fine. but over the past few months they have developed that sibling bond & it is such a beautiful thing to witness as a parent. adeline cares for her "baby gickger" {baby sister} with such tenderness, & yes, loathing at times, but mostly with love & adoration. without knowing what we were doing, wes & i gave them something truly priceless & immeasurable: each other. {gag me & insert sappy music here; sorry, i know}...

i love to see the differences & similarities in the girls. since they are fairly close in age i wondered if they would share some characteristics. i do think they are both a bit overly-dramatic & not shy at all, but of course, they are individuals with their own ideas &, i think, theories of life. for example, adeline will sit & concentrate on completing one task endlessly. she will build a huge lego tower (or robot or school or playground) or read 20 books to herself or put together a small jigsaw puzzle or play with her beloved matchbox cars...she could play by herself for up to 90 minutes, folks. it is beautiful, yes. but. amelia will play with the legos, books, puzzles, sorters, blocks, cars, dolls all within 3 minutes. she seems to have this desire to see it all very quickly & doesn't want to be stuck playing with one thing for longer than 45 seconds (i've timed her). it seems she just has this abundance of energy...& she has now been pegged the most likely to run cross country or track b/c of this abounding energy.

the times when they play well together also lends a sanity-saver to their mom (ahem, me). it took some adjusting at first, allowing them to just go off on their own & play together, fight & then come to a preschooler & toddler sort of reconciliation. yes, the fight resolutions usually involve some sort of hair pulling or pushing someone over, but generally they get over the nastiness quickly & are back to playing loud & happily together. so, now it seems i can get in a good 30 minutes before a major fight begins & i must then intervene (lest adeline lock amelia in a dark closet again, or try to push amelia under the gate at the top of the stairs which is just a bit scary for amelia). so, a bit more parenting stress with two mobile kids, but there is a silver lining: friendship.

***

adeline, age 3

oh.my.goodness. my baby, sweet adeline...is now in...preschool. (i just feel so old saying that.) earlier in 2009 it was discovered that adeline had a significant speech delay. she was tested to be 18 months behind verbally & also to have some minor, but not insignificant, motor delays as well. i think this is b/c she cried non stop as a infant *smile* but really, we don't know the why behind the delays. we just know that they are there & need to be addressed. thankfully, there are public, special-needs preschools! seriously, this preschool class (one of 18 in our district) is amazing & she has gone from saying close to only 30 words to well over 100 & using 4-6 word sentences, & has learned to count, write, & even read a bit. & let's not forget how endearing it is to do homework with a preschooler, she is just so excited about it. when she uses scissors, though, now that is quite scary. several times i have nearly lost a finger or adeline a big chunk of her hair...but adeline *loves* to "cut cut cut".

but what else has adeline been up to this year? she's excellent at writing--she can mostly write her own name, which again makes me feel old, but proud. adeline is also quite the dramatic little girl & is known for making daily activities in school over the top. shy, she is not, my friends; i think she will fit quite well into the drama programs later in school. what i have most enjoyed this year with adeline is seeing her compassionate side emerge & also the development of humor & joke telling. as always, she is very independent in nearly everything she attempts & strong willed. we've had many, many, many battles, some we choose to let go, others not so much (you know, you *will* eat, even if i have to shove it blah blah blah...). in truth, she is as her first nickname, sweet adeline, implies; she is very sweet & tender-hearted, but loves to be rough & tumble, playing until sweat her is pouring off of her (i didn't know kids so little could sweat so much!), & also has this artistic side of her that loves to draw & create anything with all mediums (we have no clue what side of the genes this came from). she's our mini engineer & daddy's helper for all home projects but also the first one to dig into the cookies or chocolate (kind of ironic coming from a kid who wouldn't dare eat anything sweet the first 2 years of her life, eh?).

***
amelia, age 16 months


amelia is quite the character. she's a bit spicy, a lot sweet, a bit bittersweet...but very delicious when all ingredients are combined. growing up i detested the nickname 'feisty' but for some reason have no problem titling this child, amelia, (aka: j2, millie, milligan-monster, crazy #2, etc. she has many nicknames that usual end in 'monster-destroyer'), as just that: feisty. she has fully entered the destroyer-droid stage & our home will not be the same for, i'm guessing, another year. at which time we'll need new carpet & flooring, new furniture, a re-paint, & probably a long vacation (without kids, of course). amelia is also learning how to get her angry point across by throwing random small items & hitting things with her wee hands. the first few times it was hysterical...but then once we each get slapped in the face by that wee hand, our response changed drastically. but really, she is mostly laughing & jolly, running around looking for adventures (like toilet bowl water, & climbing up the stair banister, & climbing onto the counter--typical crazy toddler stuff). her laugh is instantly contagious, complete with her teeth poking through & slobber running down her mouth. who can resist a squeeze like that?

amelia is our snuggle-bug still & for whatever reason has taken to sucking on an empty bottle nearly all day. (just think maggie simpson & her pacifier. that's amelia, but only with a large, empty bottle. **suck, slurp, suck, slurp, slobber** repeat). but not only does amelia love to be held & cuddled, she is also beyond curious, whatever that may be (mischievous?). throughout the day i fully expect that once i turn my head or leave the room, disaster is imminent. (which is why i've nearly given up on a clean or organized house). not just, 'oh, darn, the large lego-duplo basket is dumped over'...we're talking 'what.happened.in.here? why is the lego basket & toy basket dumped out? why are all the blankets pulled out of the ottoman? why are all the books & puzzles strewn about? why is there poop on the floor & marker on the wall? why are the desk files & papers everywhere & colored on? AND WHERE IS AMELIA?!' (hiding under the blankets or in 'her' kitchen cupboard) that's more like it. all in just a few minutes, guaranteed. so.messy.

BUT. what is adorable & endearing about amelia (besides all the aforementioned traits?) is that she is excited about learning & having fun. it amazes me what she is learning to say & do at her young age. of course, we also find it endearing that she has the attention span of a gnat, going from thing to thing, place to place, complete with a trail of destruction behind her; who can resist being bedazzled by such a wee little girl wreaking so much havoc?! ironically, she also has a passionate love for the vacuum. this is a bit odd, i know, but so cute, if you can imagine that being cute. really, she will lug our dyson out & try her hardest to push it around. & if i'm vacuuming, she must be on the hip, critiquing my job as house-head-vacummer (she has been known to pick up pieces of whatever on the floor that i have missed & bringing it to me once i have stopped vacuuming, saying 'wasssaaatt?').

***

now onto wes. this has been, somehow, wes' year to shine. a promotion at work, while at the same time taking on most of the parenting duties for a good 3 months (while i was recovering from surgery), & being such an amazing partner to me. i have never been so thankful for him so far in our marriage. of course, of course, there are the frustrating things that all married couples bicker about (put your shoes away, do you not notice the kettle not washed & still sitting on the stove? etc etc etc etc). but in general, he is THE MAN. THE DADDY. he has somehow pulled off working full time, taking care of a sick wife, taking care of 2 young kids (*smile* who are also often sick) & remains rock solid in his dedication to all of us. he amazes me.

now, dear, if you could just finish that kitchen play set for the girls by christmas morning, that would be super duper, my love. *wink*

did i mention that wes is also a wonderful gardener, brew-master, home-electrician, & cook? well, he is all of those things also. i'm telling you, THE MAN lives here. & i get to be married to him!

***

as for myself, i am trying my hardest to get back to health. it has been such a difficult year & for awhile it seemed there was nothing to be thankful about or even anything to consider joyful or hopeful. that has slowly changed, the bad turning to okay to good, the sorrow turning to frustration to joy. aside from the ups & downs of being a parent & then also staying at home with the girls (& my new role as 'preschool driver' for adeline, ugh) i am still hopeful enough to attempt reading & sometimes baking. other hobbies of mine that take more patience & time are put aside right now, hopefully to be taken up again in a year or two (or just once amelia learns that the tv is her friend). sidenote: i think this also may be the year that my children's technology-intelligence surpasses my own. *gasp*

***

overall, a very challenging year for all of us. i'm hoping when we look back in 10 years, we will have a new perspective, one of being sharpened & as i mentioned, molded by god, into someone new & more in love with what we have as a family & more understanding of our purpose...until we can see this change so clearly, we can say emphatically: no more 2009! it sucked & was miserable & just plain terrible . SO. we're really looking forward to 2010, to health & recovery, & just more stability. heck, maybe amelia will even sleep through the night most of the time in 2010! good riddance, 2009, good riddance.


truly, there are just too many things to write about here. if you want more juicy info, feel free to read the blog. it's updated a few times a week. some posts are probably only truly enjoyed by wes & i & grandparents; others are more enjoyable for parents in our stage of life. others are only enjoyed by me, but that's okay, eh?

merry christmas!

happy new year!

of christmas lights & santa claus

so last night we went to the zoo christmas lights. *what were we thinking?!* first of all, the saturday before christmas--can you say busy beyond reason? second of all, snowy-rain mixture coming down lightly. third of all, we were going to be there after bed time for the girls. i could go on & on to reinforce our parenting stupidity last night, but you get it: poor choice of nights to visit the zoo lights.

however! adeline was to the moon about it all day, saying "going to the zoo, see christmas lights!" now repeat that 1,000 times & that's what wes & i heard yesterday from lunch until we arrived at the zoo. (it was pretty cute, actually.)

you can probably see the exuberance emitting from her like an electrical charge.

as for amelia, well, let's just say she wasn't so excited to be there. she cried on the drive there. she cried walking in. she cried while everyone else oohed & ahhed over the lights. she cried when we tried to give her some warm hot chocolate.

i think this picture sums up her version of exuberance.
THEN. we spotted the carousel. addy started to shout: REINDEER MOMMY, REINDEER! SANTA'S HERE?! i was looking all around the lights trying to find the santa claus display & then realized she was talking about the carousel horses going up & down. so we walk up to check out the rules for the size, expecting that amelia wouldn't be tall enough to ride. well, apparently they don't have rules about the size as long as parents are in the right spots & holding onto their baby for dear life. then wes & i were like 'oh, it's probably too expensive adeline, sorry' & we all spotted the $1 a ride sign on the same time & were like OKAY OKAY OKAY, we'll ride.

it's also important to note that this entire time of going to & being at the zoo lights we were experiencing some sort of series of unfortunate events. nothing serious, just dropping blankies & other important snugly things in the puddles, taking 15 minutes to get out of the car getting everyone bundled up, addy losing a shoe on a curb & then stepping into a puddle, addy spilling hot chocolate all over her face & coat & 2nd pair of gloves (then i gave up my scarf to her...cold me, but it saved addy's grumpy-b/c-i'm-cold-&-wet-behavior), addy picking up snow & then freezing her 1st pair of gloves...etc, etc, etc.

so we get in what we thought was a short line & it turned to be a very long line in which we were one of the only people who weren't holding spots for others waiting somewhere else or people just plain cutting in line the entire time. i was ready to lose it on some folks at one point...but how can you call out a grandma holding the hand of her 3 year old granddaughter?

anyway, the carousel ride finally happened & adeline was so amazingly excited. she wasn't just smiling, she was laughing & giddy & bubbly. amelia was gripping the carousel horse pole for dear life & wes was then holding onto her for dear life (wes gets a bit motion sick at times). no worries, no one spewed their hot cocoa. in fact, it warmed my mama heart to see the girls enjoying themselves so much (amelia warmed up to it after the ride started, but she never loosened her grip).

how is it that there's never a picture of me with the girls? ah well.

then the ride ended & reality hit adeline. she had to get *off* the horse?! let's just say we buckled them both in quickly & sprinted out to the car. i swear wes, who was pushing the double stroller with both girls in it, nearly ran several folks over (including kids) & he had this very intense look on his face. the goal was get to the car & it didn't matter who he hurt on the way there. it didn't help that adeline was screaming bloody murder b/c her heart was broken after getting off the horse. as wes said, one crying on the way in, the other crying on the way out. so, at least only one is crying at any given time, eh?

a shot of the lights & the frozen pond.

yet another shot for you to enjoy *smile*

as wes said, wow am i glad that's over with. it was fun, yes, but too much work. next time, we'll just go during the day, head for the carousel, ride it for an hour, then look at a few lights on the way home at dusk.

***

so let's talk santa claus.

wes & i were talking this morning (yes, we're missing church. but that's b/c of a misunderstanding during the 6 a.m. hour between wes & i. a grunt from me does not necessarily mean 'no, we're not going to church today'...it may mean 'you don't have to wake up during the 6 a.m. hour to get to church at 9 a.m.' & then amelia needs her nap, so that rules out the 2nd service, etc. i know, good excuses. jesus still loves us, i'm sure of it) ANYWAY.

i have this problem with dudes who dress up like santa claus. it started when i was very little & a male relative dressed up like santa & visited our house on christmas eve...he would arrive & i would shriek in terror b/c WHY IS MY GRANDPA DRESSED UP LIKE SANTA, WHO'S NOT REAL?! then i would run & hide under the table until he & my grandma left. there's many reasons that i won't divulge here why i was freaked out by this...but that's when my fear of people dressed up in costumes started. i think. maybe my parents can verify this (there was my 2nd birthday when my soon-to-be aunt dressed up like a clown & i nearly didn't come out of the house to join in my own party b/c i was so scared).

the other day adeline came home from school & told me the *entire* story of santa claus. from school. i guess i shouldn't expect her to come home with the 'real' story of christmas, since she goes to a public school. i decided then it was time to get on the 'why christmas is christmas story' & we have a few good children's book explaining this. so now adeline knows both stories pretty good & walks around singing 'happy birthday to jesus'. cute, but grating after #33. but i asked adeline if she wanted to go visit santa, putting aside my own feelings of fear & allowing her to get excited about santa, with her knowing that santa is not real, but it *is* a fun story to make-believe. adeline said {drumroll, please!} no, santa scare me! (score one for the mama).

i don't want to pass on my fear of odd things, like costumed people who are imitating a child story, but...maybe there's something more to it. so wes & i were discussing this whole thing, the santa aversion of mine, which he is totally okay with. if our kids want to see santa, we won't stop them. if they don't want to, we are not going to force them. we want them to grow up knowing why we celebrate christmas & also enjoying the whole fantasy of santa. so far we're doing pretty good, i think. we came up with some ground rules for visiting santa, when that time comes.

• the santa must have a real beard.

just compare these two pictures:
http://www.clownscharacters.com/santa1.jpg
http://www.fotosearch.com/CSP042/k0421782/
am i the only one who thinks the 'fake' beard picture dude looks a bit creepy?

• whatever establishment is hosting this meet santa situation *must* do back ground checks on all workers. seriously, what better way for a pervert (or registered sex offender if they don't do background checks) to be near kids & establish a trust-relationship with kids? you may think this a bit over the top, but i've been in contact with waaayy to many sex offender & sexual abuse/assault victims to be naive about this. santa must have a background check. must.

• if our kid(s) starts to cry, the visit is over immediately.

call me the grinch if you want, but...that's just not true. i love christmas & i have loved it without the whole santa involvement for a long, long time. it's still christmas & very jolly without santa. & yes, we still do stockings in the morning. seriously, we are encouraging the whole santa story without telling them santa is real & also encouraging the knowledge & amazingness of the jesus-birth story & *reality*.

***
thoughts? comments? snide remarks?

time to mention that cable was installed yesterday. we have already recorded several dora shows, one curious george, one griswold's movie, & a few other random shows. i haven't watched tv more than usual (read: i haven't watched more than 5 minutes of tv since the installation) but wes & adeline are oh-so-very-excited about this cable. the next 3 months will be bliss for them. really, i'm guessing once the 3 months of cable are up (which is the time that we are somehow making money out of this deal...who knows, ask wes about it all) we will not be able to give it up. but then again, in 3 months, gardening planning & prep will be in full swing, as will be the girls playing outside most of the day. so it may be an easier give-up than i anticipate.

points

this past week i finally found my favorite holiday music disc, sarah mclachlin's wintersong. for the past 3 years i listen to this disc in the car *non stop* like a test lab rat or something: get in the car, push disc #, adjust the song, sing along, feel a bit more peaceful than before getting in the car. there's just something about some christmas music that gets to me & i love it. i'm not such a fan of songs about anything santa (probably b/c i grew up knowing santa's not real & wondering what the heck other kids were getting all worked up about), i like the songs about the birth of christ. oh, & of course, baby it's cold outside. i think i just like the back & forth of the man & woman's voices (not necessarily the lyrics of a much older dude trying to seduce a younger woman, kinda yuck, eh?). so now you know, if you see me in the car anytime in the month of december & i have this weird look on my face & i'm singing & brushing away tears (yes! *tears!*), it's b/c i am listening to one of these songs.

another heidi thought? well, we have had these very large & intimidating spiders in our basement since we moved in. they also have a nest that i am continuously destroying behind our mailbox. seriously, i kill about one spider a week during warmer months. i am really not afraid of spiders but when one this large suddenly appears out of the blue, i usually give a good shout before i hack it to death. yes, so these spiders have been in our basement in the winter...most often mixed in with the dirty laundry pile or in the laundry sink. BUT, my friends, there hasn't been a spider in quite awhile... months, in fact. i am still a bit on edge when sorting laundry b/c more than once a spider has landed on me & i've had to brush it off quickly.

THEN. last night i was at a cookie exchange party (oh my, i freakin baked 11 dozen cookies yesterday. not intentionally...i really super duper suck at math. so, for everyone's benefit: 1 cup of butter does *not* equal one pound of butter. DOI. my mistake made for a very large amount of dough...) so i was at this party & a friend mentioned that the host needs a snake to take care of her gerbil problem. besides me jumping out of my skin thinking of the crawford's owning a snake (our friendship would nearly end, btw, sorry to say) it hit me: snakes eat spider. lots of spiders. enough spiders to make a spider problem disappear suddenly. i think i kept my cool pretty good for the next few minutes as i thought about this potential...

...until this morning while i was sorting laundry. i was a mess, every clothing item was picked up by my fingers, holding it out like it had anthrax on it, shaking it a bit. i did not see a spider or a snake, but my guard is way way way the hell up, folks. what else would make a spider problem go away so abruptly?!

***

so you already know that i was doing laundry this morning *sigh moan hiss boo*. but this past week i have made it a goal to not only teach amelia that the computer is not her toy (obvious fail b/c i didn't even blog this week & was on the computer for maybe a total of 5 minutes all week), but also to teach adeline that i am not going to cook according to the ebb & flow of her changing taste buds (aka, addy's refusing to eat most anything these days, except cereal, oatmeal, grapes, & anything with the biggest ingredient made of sugar), AND--yes, THIRD goal here, hold onto your britches--that amelia & adeline would learn to play together, alone while i do some things (oh, like laundry, leisurely reading & drinking alcohol mixes mid-day {kidding, lol folks}, dishes, etc).

today i go downstairs to sort laundry & start a load. which took forever b/c you know i was picking at each piece, eyeing it suspiciously, waiting for a snake to slither out. so i was gone for about 15 minutes, most of which i could hear them playing one floor up. then i noticed, snapping out of my snake-fear reverie that it was very eerily quiet upstairs. i quickly finished up & ran up the stairs...to find adeline watching calliou. yes! score 1 for mom. then i smell coffee & look over to see amelia *covered* in coffee, sitting on top of our computer desk pulling all the files out, flinging papers everywhere. oh, also the christmas cards that were nicely stacked & sorted, waiting for signatures...all over the place. (really, don't expect that card any time soon). score 1, amelia.

but b/c i am trying my hardest not to let stressful situations stress me out (which leads to an untimely release of stress hormones, which are creating havoc in my body)...i just laughed & started to clean it up.

no such luck at controlling the stress hormones wednesday, however. first of all, i broke one of my own parenting rules: don't take two kids to a store, any store, ever. i was planning on baking the cookies for the exchange that evening & needed a few ingredients. on the drive to the grocery i talked with adeline about not being able to ride in the big car cart b/c we had amelia with us. she was all 'okay mommy, baby millie with me, no car!' sweet child of mine, right?! WRONG. we get into the store, i start putting away coats & such into the cart & adeline just stands there & starts sobbing. i get down to her thinking she just suddenly hit her head on something...did i miss something?! & she just starts screaming: RED CAR RED CAR RED CAR RED CAR. & then starts to fling her body around, nearly giving herself that crack on the head. i was still calm then & tried to talk her out of it, mentioning all the reasons & how quick this trip was going to be, etc etc. but she just got louder & louder until everyone coming in & out of kroger were staring me down.

now, if you've ever worked in a job where you are a, say, social worker who has some sort of ability to determine if & when kids should return to their parents after being removed from their home...or maybe a job where your title was "psycho-social-rehabilitator" & the job description included helping kids manage anger...well, i'm sure you also have this latent fear that you will one day end up on the front page of the newspaper b/c of poor parenting skills & choices. this was one of those times when i had to keep telling myself don't' do anything stupid. newspaper, front page: social worker hurts her children in front of all kroger customers in worthington store. so i plop adeline in the large part of the cart, attempting to just quickly grab the 3 things i needed. but she starts to flip out in the cart, kicking it & screaming.

i hit the wall anger, then i sky rocketed through the anger ceiling & i think i probably looked like the devil. i whirled the cart around & started speaking very low & sternly to adeline & marched out of the store, through the entrance (which is a big no-no in this store). people were seriously staring me down. i swear some lady flipped me off as i pushed my cart passed her going again through the entrance. when we got to the car, with adeline in full scream i somehow managed to get her into her car seat & buckle her in under 5 seconds.

it was just one of those moments when i had been so hopeful that it would go well & then was devastated by my lack of being able to do anything. if amelia had not been with me afterwards at home & i would've been able to get on the computer...i would have applied for probably 30 jobs that afternoon (adeline was sent to her room & told to come out only when she had a smile on her face). not that parents who work don't have to deal with this stuff, but i just wanted to get away & day care sounded like a very viable option...but then there's most days & i'm glad to be home with them. on the way home after i was finished telling adeline exactly what the problem is with her behavior, silent night came on (of course, the sarah mclachlan version) & i just started sobbing. probably b/c my behavior to her was just as ugly & vicious as hers had been in the store. maybe also b/c i am very weary of living in the city (even if we're in the 'burbs) & sitting in traffic ALL.THE.TIME. or b/c i'm on some crazy medications & my body doesn't produce the right amount of stress hormones at the right time. anyway, *ugh* i hate those moments when i am behaving just as poorly as my preschooler. minus 5 for mom. and minus 1 for adeline.

***

one more story (these uber long posts are what happens when i only get to type the day's events once or twice a week). this is a score 3 for mom, btw.

tuesday addy said she wanted macaroni & cheese for lunch. somehow we were out of boxed mac n cheese so i suck it up & make it from scratch. 30 minutes later, i put a plate of home-made mac n cheese, applesauce, & milk on the table in front of addy. proud mama moment, eh? amelia was already scarfing hers down, in food-attack mode. adeline takes a slight lick, throws the fork down & starts crying 'i don't like that mommy' blah blah blah. this was a time when i was totally under control, but still seething inside. how dare she toss her plate across the table?! a plate full of home-made mac n cheese that i made just b/c of her request?! she wanted something else entirely...

but this, i decided at that moment, was a hill i was choosing to die on, a battle i was willing to fight. i had a flash of memory of a parenting book asking the question: do you want to be doing this same thing 3 years from now? making two dinners, or three every night, every meal? my response: HELL NO. i have a hard enough time getting the one on the table, right? so i told adeline that this was lunch & she can either eat this, or eat nothing & go to her room. she went to her room, moped around for 20 minutes, came back down & asked for chocolate milk. nope, not until you eat lunch. commence crying, tantrum, being sent back to her room (that is full of toys, why is it that being sent to your room is such a bad deal? i would *love* to be sent to my room!). 20 minutes later, she came down all smiles & giggles, sat at the table & ate most of her mac n cheese, all of her applesauce, & drank all of her white milk. she didn't even ask for chocolate milk. she ran over to me & told me 'thank you'. i was stunned: it worked! i won the battle.

i can let things go like making your bed & keeping your clothes folded in the dresser & wearing pj's all day, & eating dry cereal on the couch...but i have drawn the line. you will eat what you are given, damn it. even if it's just 3 bites of each & you have to pour ketchup on top & then guzzle milk just to get it down, you will eat it. or else, uh, go hungry. ???

***

so. also. amelia not only looks like a toddler instead of a baby, but she's also graduating a bit. i just removed her bumper pads (we've kept them on so long b/c she is constantly getting her legs & arms stuck at night in the rails). it was a very sad occasion for me...but it was time. the crib looks like it belongs to a toddler now. i'm even thinking of adding a pillow (but she's such a thrasher at night that i don't think it would serve its purpose well). today i also added to our wes-off-for-a-week-to-do-list: get rid of the changing station in amelia's bedroom. b/c her room smells like poopy diapers all the time! (b/c she craps about 8 times a day, adult craps, people no longer baby poos). we have another changing table/station in their bathroom, so we'll have to do some rearranging of items in there but it will work somehow. time to turn the changing table into a toy chest. (again, somehow that will work. go wes the engineer!)

now i really must go do some laundry. keep your fingers crossed that snakes have not found a home in my house.

break time

being a stay at home mom makes 'break time' or 'lunch time' seem glamorous. when i think about whether or not i'm happy & content being a SAHM i compare it to what i would be doing otherwise: going crazy in the morning to get everyone out the door (b/c that's just us), dropping kids off, then driving to work for most likely 20 minutes ALONE (driving alone in itself seems very alluring), working, LUNCH TIME, working, maybe a BREAK TIME, driving again for 20 (or 30) minutes ALONE, picking up kids, then driving for however long again, then getting dinner ready. seriously, it seems doable & enjoyable. then i get to the part about 'working'...& that's when the glamor fizzles. b/c i picked social work as a career & then i burnt out as a social worker after working just 3 1/2 years (counting unpaid internship? almost 4 1/2 years).

so remembering how stressed i was coming home from work & the knot in my stomach driving to work & the heaps of sorrow & madness i saw at work *every single day*...i just am not ready to dive back into that (lol, thus i let my license go un-renewed!). comparing the two possibilities (a job as a social worker--sans license-- or another job such as a personal assistant/receptionist), i choose SAHM-edness, a full day, without a break usually. (btw: i know i could find some paper-pushing social work job around here, but i doubt the salary would cover day care costs.)

**disclaimer: i am not opening the can of mama-wars here. just discussing thoughts. i truly really don't give a rats ass if you decide to work or not b/c i truly really don't think it affects how you are as a parent or how your kids end up at age 18. truly really.**

me staying home just seems to fit with us & for the most part, i love it. i know, i moan about certain things sometimes & at times call wes frantically saying: you have 35 1/2 minutes to get home before i may do something i regret (& then put the girls in the pac n play until he gets home while i'm playing mindless computer games in my zone with thoughts such as 'these crazies aren't my kids! some one just dropped them off at my door, who knows *why* they act this way b/c they're not mine'. but they are mine & i love them with my whole being, even on those rotten days). anyway, my point in bringing all this up is the lack of a break time during the day.

i was hoping that when adeline went to preschool, amelia would find some time to amuse herself with toys & such so i could shower or read an article or a book chapter or bake a bit...but that hasn't panned out. she's bored! she wants her sister. she wants me to carry her around (which hurts me, so i don't do it unless very necessary, so i just get to listen to a whiny 13 month old). but there have been great moments as well; her & i on the floor throwing addy's number cards in the air & reading animal books & making sounds & seeing her trying to walk, etc etc etc. yes, my dear amelia, there are wonderful times.

then there are the days when i just need a break. most days my lunch consists of half of what i prepared for myself. then i set out an apple for myself & some little girl who's name starts with an A steals it & i have totally forgotten it was mine to begin with anyway. i'm thinking back to the times when adeline was amelia's age...what did i do to occupy her so i could take a shower? write an email? do some dinner prep? clean for 20 minutes? do some laundry? (whisky tango foxtrot! {thank you scotty} i was almost prego with amelia when adeline was amelia's age! WHISKY TANGO FOXTROT! {& that carol, is the army was of saying WTF. get it? it took me forever to get it! but, in my humble opinion, a great substitution with kids around who repeat words).

so back to the amelia & independent play situation...the two girls are very different, we can see that plainly already & i think adeline was just much more independent at this age. amelia is the one who is very interested in what i'm doing, not what her toys have to offer. she's all *teach me! help me learn! i want a hug! show me things!*

so right now wes is taking the girls for a walk which will end with adeline coughing for 30 minutes afterwards...but i need a break before the monday (now insert a very scary, thriller-movie noise) starts. b/c mondays really suck, sahm or not, right?! ah, break time, lunch time... sounds purely marvelous. (& unrealistic, as my last social work job i did NOT get either. what's that about the grass is greener on the other side? i really don't think it is. i remember that grass well.)

***

anyway, adeline is on her 3rd apple of the day. as in, she has eaten THREE apples just today, plus her other 5 snacks & 2 meals so far. it's like she has this seasonal fruit beacon on her tongue & will choose to eat in season if given the option. she will now choose an apple over a strawberry but back when the strawberries were just a backyard away, she would choose a strawberry over *anything* in the world. this girl would be a favorite of barbara kingsolver if they knew each other, of course.

& then amelia, well, she's back to sleeping well for the most part (as good as a 13 month old can sleep) & being her happy-destroyer droid self. we have missed this side of her for the past few weeks. her new trick is to turn herself around in her highchair *even when buckled in* stand up, then sit on the tray & eat her food in that position. now that's a girl who dances to her own drum. we love it; dance away!

***

& to end it: i've made pumpkin soup for the 1st time today. & it tastes great...almost as good as butternut squash soup. now i'm off to make some croutons.

accomplished

some of you may know, other may not: i just had a (nearly) TWO DAY VACATION at home! meaning, just *me*. well, & griswold but he's so low maintenance at this point (except the dog hair on the floor & couch situation). wes took the girls to spend the weekend at his parents' house in avon lake. it was homecoming weekend, so you know, all the stops are pulled in that town: parades, etc. from what i've heard from wes, they've had a blast & have mostly managed to wreck the grandparents' home sufficiently. my time alone will come to an end today, but that will be after i do some grocery shopping, clean the upstairs, & take a walk (with dog or without? would he forgive me if i went without him when it's just the two of us?) & finish the laundry.

at first, i didn't know what to do that would take up an entire weekend. after kids arrived our life revolved around them & their schedule & needs...so when they're gone & even my husband is gone, well, what to do with myself?! at first i tried to just watch online tv--then the sound become all ghost-ish & distorted (does anyone else have this problem?) so i gave that up. then i decided to fold some laundry. THEN my sister arrived & being the non-parent, newly DINK'ed gal that she is, well she was like first you're NOT riding in that car with the toxic fumes (emiting from the interior of the car from mold or something gross like that...whitey, aka thelma aka my high school car that wes drives & won't get rid of until it dies...it still gets 36 miles per gallon in his defense) & we're going o-u-t & you *will* make me laugh & we'll have a good time! so we go out to grandview & have a great time. figlio's pizza--hello, what's not to love about that? after 5 hours of sister time & 1 near drink spitting incident (me) she dropped me off at home & i slept peacefully until...

she promptly called to wake me up at 8:48 a.m. saturday morning--twice-- & then she talked me into stealing money from my daughter's piggy bank so i could go shopping with her (okay, i suggested the heist, but she encouraged me, in my defense. this was not planned, the call, the shopping, the money taken from a piggy bank--what kind of parent am i?! *wink*). i found great deals at what has been determined to be my favorite store--the gap--but this was the highlight of the trip. picture this: we're at gap (at easton) & i'm gushing about this sweat-shirt-ish thing that i've been oogling over when i walk by gap at the mall (i can't go in & try it on or else i would just buy it impulsively. i have this sick sick sick love affair with gap jeans & sweatshirts...but check out the jeans i am *dying* for: the boyfriend cut. but they didn't have my size in the store. gasp, shock, horror, tears, etc). i was telling her all about this sweatshirt & looking all over the store for it & didn't see it & decided that it was fate telling me to lay off & i was sadly looking at other sweatshirts (that's my wardrobe, folks, sweatshirts, crew neck shirts, sweatpants & jeans) & then kristi said 'what about this one heids, it looks like something you'd like' & i said without looking 'man, i can't believe they don't have my shirt; this one here is okay' & she was like 'LOOK at this one, i think you'll like it' & i looked & heaven opened up & the heavenly choir sung hallelujah for just me & me only b/c kristi was holding up THE SWEATSHIRT picked from the *sale* rack. in black. in my size. could it get any better?

so we shopped the morning away & the pants i ended up deciding to buy were somehow magically marked down 60%!!!!!!!!! yes, that's 6-0-% the luck i was having proved it was meant to be, me & the gap, that morning. the sweatshirt. the sales. the free garlic pretzel sticks--with cheese--when i was so hungry i could eat an entire cow but didn't want to spend the moolah. glorious.

THEN...it gets better, folks, yes it does. THEN i invited some lady friends over, after a dinner out to a thai restaurant in the short north (yumminy yum yum), to have chocolate fondue & wine (& beer? & champagne that was never opened b/c we're all lightweights *smile*). we hung out talking without child interruptions for nearly 3 1/2 hours. we talked about real things & laughed & didn't scold anyone of our offspring during that time. i loved it.

but...i miss my girls. i miss my husband. last night i actually cuddled for about 1 minute with wes' pillow (then i was like--hey, i want my own pillow) & put the girls' baby lotion on my hands & stalked around in their rooms b/c i couldn't get to sleep (griswold making very loud noises sleeping in the bedroom; i had to kick him out). i want them back home...but am enjoying this time still. (by writing about them?!)

at this point this post is just rambling on about stuff that most of you aren't interested in reading. that's okay; it's not for you necessarily. i'm just refreshed after this weekend. every parent should get a chance to have a vacation in their own home & then have good friends to hang with to make it even better. plus our house will be *clean* by the time they return later today (it truly is amazing what can be accomplished without kids vying for my attention while cleaning & cooking). i may get a shower, take a walk, grocery store, dinner, & cleaning done--all in the same day! & still have energy left over to play with my girls & talk to my husband.

so thank you to my dear, wonderful, loving husband for giving me this weekend-not-away. it worked; i feel relaxed, my neck muscles don't ache from doing children lifting. i don't feel stressed about the screeching (that's for tomorrow). {now to get you, scotty, & cal off for a weekend in the woods...}... & thank you sue & bruce for enjoying my girls & giving wes sleep-in mornings. i'm sure you enjoyed this weekend with them--the girlies--as much as i've enjoyed the weekend without them. my break--without kids--in daily life is your break--with grandkids--in daily life. i *highly* recommend a vacation-not-away.

GIRLS

here i am, keeping my promise to talk about my giirrrllzzzz. let me just say that the *sisterhood* has begun. amelia knows EXACTLY what to do with adeline to really piss her off...& adeline knows how to sorta do the look-n-push (you know, no adults looking, now i can push my little sister). then there are the other moments when amelia is starting to bother adeline, but instead of getting upset adeline decides to appease her sister & give her whatever toy it is amelia is after. THEN there are the times when they are giddy-happy with each other, like they have just found their best friend for life (which i hope they have; i have found my sister irreplaceable!). so the first picture is of wes roughhousing with the gals, which they *love*.

as you can see, amelia is being tossed upside down, as addy is clapping & waiting her turn on the couch. see, *this* is why we opted to buy the less expensive couch years ago. (you don't even want to know what bodily fluids & warm milk, etc that this couch has been wiped clean of). anyway, on this particular night, adeline was crawling behind amelia, chasing her...both girls squealing with laughter. soon enough they will be running after each other, eh?

wrestling in the princess tent. this is how it went: amelia tried to climb up the sides, knocking the tent over, adeline gets a pouty face for all of 1 second. adeline then pushes the tent back upright, knocking amelia to the ground & then she will roll or pull or do whatever it takes to get amelia sitting upright again as well. only a few boo-boo's were had.

SO...

this was playtime...dress up with gram mum (my mom was not dressed up, btw). how many hats can one girl wear? *smile* BUT the next morning, addy comes sprinting downstairs with *only* the superwoman dress & bumblebee headband on. we DO have a hard time keeping clothes on her...

so if you've been around addy at bed time, you know she is head over heels in love with her teddy bear, aka little bear.
this is a shot of her lovin' on little bear circa august, 2007.
BUT, according to adeline this past week, little bear smelled like 'pooPP'. she would give her a sniff & say pooPP with a look of disgust, but would then give little bear a hug, as if to say 'little bear, even though you smell like pooPP i still love you.' geez oh man, it's only taken us about 2 months to convince adeline that little bear was in dire need of a bath (laundered)...finally, little bear does not smell like pooPP. we were a bit hesitant to take little bear down to the basement to get bathed b/c the last time adeline followed me with wes thinking i knew she was behind me & me not knowing she was behind me & then adeline fell 6 feet from the basement steps onto concrete (that was a week before christmas?). soo... we were happy *she* suggested the bath this time.

AND...it's amelia's birthday party tomorrow!
her birthday isn't until august 26th but the park we wanted to rent for the party wasn't available except for tomorrow, so, amelia is lucky to have an early birthday party. AND i didn't plan it. can you believe that my sister & mom planned her 1st birthday party...you know, from cake to hats to decorations, etc. my mother in law made some scrumptious side dishes & another amazingly adorable tutu...the theme is butterfly amelia. we *will* have pictures, no worries. (i may even finally slip in my hair cut picture...i've gotten some good reviews so far. my mother in law even thought i had a weave put in, that's how good my stylist is {i do not have a weave})... the point of this line of thinking: MY BABY IS TURNING 1 SOON?! where did the past year go?

if i were to close my eyes & tell myself 'you're 8 1/2 months pregnant with j2 {our name for baby #2, junior 2 = j2}, just finished hovering over the grimy toilet, then drank a ginger ale to keep the rest down' OR i could place myself in the delivery room at st. ann's hospital, trying to keep myself from yelling at my 3rd nurse who was an idiot & in some severe back labor pains OR i could be holding our freshly new wee-tiny amelia anne gerbick (to we gerbickians, a 6.7 baby is wee tiny, even though my twin nieces were below the 5 pound mark, still...) thinking i'm so glad labor is over, why didn't nurse #5 believe i was ready to push *thought shift* i am in love with this wee baby, she's so tiny & snugly OR i could place myself in week #5 of amelia's life, when she wouldn't stop crying & vomiting & wrenching her tiny body around after eating & i can feel the frustration of not knowing what is wrong (GERD & some sort of allergy to some unidentified food in my breast milk) & then i can place myself also in that wee #5 crying & crying b/c amelia loved formula more than my breast milk & also b/c my engorged breasts HURT LIKE HELL & i felt guilt & guilt & guilt wash over me b/c my reflux baby was on medicine & formula & i felt like a failure OR i could place myself around month 4 1/2 when life started to calm down a bit & a bumpy rhythm was found with both girls & i was getting all these wonderful snuggles from this gorgeous baby...

i could go on & on. this year has been *so hard* on many different levels. i don't think i have EVER gone to so many doctor's appointments in a year as this past year. my freakin goodness. it was like we lived with medical professionals, ya know? anyway, it was a hard year, but here we are, content, happy, in love with each other (all of us). i will remember that this year taught me to trust my medicinal instinct. i knew around week 3 that amelia had reflux & food allergies when the doc said try a different position for burping her (??); i knew that adeline had food allergies before the doctor confirmed it via blood tests; i knew that my weird host of symptoms was not 'hormonal' but something more serious {i did *not* think a brain tumor, though, lol}, i mean, i could go on & on about our medical woes, but... in quick verse: parents, trust your gut.

oh my, i must go to bed. yes, 10:15 p.m. is LATE for me.

my girls are HOME

so yesterday was a good day. exhausting, but in a nice way. i went out of the house for the first time! you know, as in 'let's take you to a place where no one else knows you just had brain surgery'. so....off to costco we went! (my mom & i). the car ride was not good; i'm still getting VERY dizzy when i'm outside & especially when things around me are moving quickly. so driving 45 mph = head spinning for me. so while my mom drove, i had my eyes closed most of the time (but i did see the red light she went through, *wink wink*). then we got to costco & my mom sort of just said that she would drop me off & i was like 'naaahhhh, i can walk it' & then she pointed out that from the car to the store was the about as far a distance that i've walked so far & i was like 'hhmm, right-ee-o what to do now?' so i sat in the costco cafe after the tiresome walk into the store & to the cafe area. wes joined me to eat his lunch there (i had eaten at home) & there i sat until check-out. on the way home, i was treated to a small mcdonald's french fry! yummy. (i haven't had any sort of fatty foods in about 10 days, soo it just tasted to good, lol).

pic of me before our outing. i look slightly zombit-ish in this pic for some reason. or maybe like frankenstein?! lol.

this is the board i made for adeline & amelia when on their 'vacation' to gma & gpa gerbicks. each day, there was a little note to be read to them & then a sticker. then there was the big shopping bag filled with wrapped little gifts & on the gift was a sticker than coordinated with the sticker on each day. (hhmm, i hope that makes sense). apparently it went over well!

wednesday afternoon, after my busy morning of stretches & a longer walk (you know, down to the corner, 4 houses down, lol...think geriatric walk), then costco...i laid down for a nap. 20 minutes into my sleep i was disturbed by a voice i hadn't heard in 9 days: addy screaming "MAMA MAMAMA MAMAMAMAMAMAM" & watched as she danced & pranced around & hurled herself into the bed & gave me one of the best hugs ever. by this time i was crying & exuberance is one word to describe that moment.

i have been trying to avoid thinking about how much i miss the girls & it all hit me at that moment & i just wanted to squish them & hold them & love on them all night.
AND holy crap, gma sue did SO MUCH with them & they had gobs of fun. BUT being the wonderful gma & teacher that she is, sue taught adeline how to write an A! can you believe it?! it's true. i'll have to take a picture to show the proof.

& just this afternoon, i went to see dr welling at his office & my staples were taken OUT.

indeed, we are.

please, if you have any reservations about reading crass language, stop & wait until my next post. & don't think any less of wes & i ...b/c you haven't lived our day.
***
so what is the title of this post referring to? well, wes & i went to this movie awhile ago, while my parents watched the girls, away we go was the movie. pretty good, made us laugh. anyway, during the movie the couple asked themselves several times 'are we fuck ups? i think we are fuck ups for sure.' so wes & i have had this joke going back & forth when something near disastrous happens or we're just all melancholy & weepy & then we ask the other person, are we fuck ups? & it will usually get a good laugh from us.

today (& parts of the past month!) confirms it: we are fuck ups.

b/c adeline couldn't imagine living life without something on the back patio as wes was shutting the sliding door & amelia was also racing out the door...adeline used amelia as a floor. she ran over her bottom & didn't listen as her daddy told her (in his most firm voice) addy stop! she ran right over amelia's head, quickly & fervontly digging it into the sharp metal tracks of the door with her feet. we never did find out what was so important to adeline that she would risk getting shut in a door. anyway, amelia was instantly covered in blood & shaking & screaming. wes took her (i am so not good with blood) & i took adeline for a good talking to that ended with adeline also screaming (i believe in response to amelia's screams of agony). the verdict: amelia split her tongue, from tip to towards the back. the split is probably as long as her front tooth. & if you've never seen this before--which i hadn't before today--you don't want to. it's very amazingly gross. tongue flappin' around where it shouldn't be, blood pouring out, parents panicking, baby girl trampled, preschool girl feeling very crappy about herself & crying on her time out chair.

so that is nearly behind us. the nurse told us there's not much a doctor could do for us & recommended that we give her a popsicle. amelia abhors cold things, especially frozen food, so my attempt at a simple ice cube in a teething mesh-thing was quickly refused & thrown across the room. yes, she does have a good arm! (thank you for noticing, lol)...but under no circumstances are we to give her any food above luke-warm temperatures. & amelia refuses most bottles that are not *hot* so we are looking at a dire situation. oh & no table food, which is the bulk of her food intake at this point. the nurse also mentioned that we could give her some pudding. my heart skipped a beat. i could do pudding! so i made some yogurt pops with peaches for tomorrow then i put amelia in her high chair next to the stove (agreed? what kind of a mama puts a baby in a high chair next to a flame & hot pan?! fuck ups. but it worked out. this time.) & made the pudding. she ate about half a bowl (oh, about one serving size) for dinner then i shoved the bottle down her throat, trying to avoid the tip of her tongue (it had bled off & on throughout the afternoon of discontent, aka millie didn't sleep longer than 9 minutes at a time for 1 hour, which seems to me to add up to around 20 minutes somehow b/c of how long it would take to get her back to sleep). point is: amelia is in a lot of pain, plus teething (so she's shoving everything in her mouth, leading now to more tongue pain & bleeding). we hopped her up on benedryl tonight, wish us luck!

the 2nd foul of the day happened just recently. while i was putting amelia down at an astoundingly early hour (7:15!), wes took adeline for a walk around the hood. on the way home, addy was jumping off large rocks. first jump into the grass went find. 2nd jump that daddy said no to but she did it anyway, well the 2nd jump she landed on the concrete, then skidded her lips across the concrete. ouch. so she came back with quite a big lip, something a bird would probably try to land on if given the chance. i heard wes come into the house & ask me if i had started to soak the bloody clothes from earlier. i said almost. he said we have more, b/c we're fuck ups. & i walk upstairs to see addy putting on her brave face with a blankie from the stroller half covered in her blood. but, smart adeline used this to her advantage to snag a few m&m's & then also some chocolate chips from the open bag.

yesterday, amelia pooped & peed on the floor twice each (hmm, she peed 3 times actually) while a friend was over. a friend i don't know very well. a friend who is pregnant & easily nauseous. she didn't leave our house screaming & running, though. but still, there goes buck naked amelia (b/c she had a terrible diaper rash, so we let her wiggle & crawl around without a diaper to speed the healing process. really works). anyway, amelia's crappin' all over the place & peeing & grinning the whole time. that was after i also found a huge spider on a blanket that i was giving her (out of a bag that had been sitting on our porch for almost a week, mind you...she is getting a lot of our baby girl clothes).

so we wonder, what do folks really think of us, with bloody kids & as you will read below, mostly naked wee ones with poop & pee being dropped at every turn.

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why does adeline insist on being near naked most of the time? i'm really hoping this is normal for her age. (anyone want to agree with this?! please?). here's some examples:

• last night, around 7:15 p.m. adeline was riding/pushing her tricycle down the sidewalk. she was about one house down & suddenly got off her trike & started dancing around like mad. it was immensely adorable, folks. then i watched in *horror* as she threw/kicked her shoes off & then proceeded to take her shorts off. then her underwear. (the whole time i'm pulling weeds & shrieking to her to get her clothes back on). adeline looks at me with a huge smile & then continues to do her dance. i walked over to wes, who was watering our weed--errr, veggie--garden to tell him that his daughter is naked from butt down & he needs to take care of her. b/c that was only the 4th or 5th time she's stripped down in a matter of milliseconds(!!) just that day (yes, in front a guest).
• after amelia's near death trample, wes took adeline to work with him. he grabbed videos & snacks to keep her occupied & it worked, from what i know she did great. except the conference room incident. she was watching her videos in the conference room--thankfully where no one else was--& suddenly had the urge to pee. in her dora undies & jeans. so naturally, she then decided to go nude b/c wowzers, those pee filled clothes are uncomfortable, right? so wes decides to check on adeline & walks in to find her sitting completely naked in a huge conference room style chair laughing & having a grand time watching dora. she looked at wes & said simply 'pee pee' & gave a sour look. so wes tells her to *STAY PUT* & goes off to his desk to get her 2nd pair of clothes (that i put in there for him, you're welcome) & then to his horror hears the little pitter patter of adeline accompanied with her giggles. yup, streaking child in an engineering office. you *know* that security guard watching the tapes is like "whhhaattt? i'm calling CPS!" oh my goodness is it so wonderful that none of wes' co-workers saw this sight; wes would never be able to live it down.

i just keep wondering, what next?

the good thing about today is that i snuggled amelia & took a mama-heart-snapshot of her sprawled out on top of me, in her rocking chair, asleep & snoring softly. she had this little curl coming down in the middle of her forehead & then another straggler off to the left side of her head. she was my not so tiny baby, who only wanted to snuggle up to her mama & b/c wes took adeline for the afternoon, i was able to be there for amelia's every need (even if it was every 9 minutes) & i was hit with joy that i have chosen to stay home (that joy doesn't hit very often, lol). (& oh man, i'm not saying that working moms wouldn't be able to be there for their child in the time of need...these are just my thoughts from this). this whole harold situation has put a spotlight on some things & the decision to spend so much time with my girls that it drives me nutso, well, i've decided its a good one after all.