gluten free: argh! or ah! ??

so wes & i were *muy* scared of what types of food gluten free (gf) eating would force upon us. but, it hasn't been so bad, minus the first few days of me only eating carrots & cucumbers for lunch (okay, day two i had some fancy ranch dressing to dip them in). tomorrow will be the start of week 3. i've been to the grocery store about 8 times in the past 2 weeks (suck! i hate grocery shopping!). wes has been a bit more daring than i & baked using gf flour...he made me cinnamon rolls saturday morning! seriously, love this man. so i thought i'd give you all an idea of what we're eating. (i know, you'be been just dying to know, right?!). when a few friends of mine had to go on special diets (no gluten, soy, dairy...how can just going without one be so bad?!) i was always wondering what they were eating at meals. so in case anyone is wondering the same, here it is. & it's not so bad, really.

two weeks in gerbick gluten free eating (mostly)

monday: lunch--i freak out after getting the celiac call, eat an egg, a carrot, & half of a cucumber. i was hungry most of the day & my stomach hurt like hell from lunch (raw veggies & eggs are my biggest stomachache inducers).
dinner--watch wes eat w/ the girls, i then decide to get groceries, go to whole foods, cry half of the time, pick up a chipotle chicken burrito bowl (argh! they're chips are not gluten free) on the way home.

tuesday: lunch--again, stupid me. i eat a pbj on *nasty* gf (from the freezer section) white bread & again a carrot & cucumber. i do not recommend this. hungry again b/c i could only get half the sandwich down due to level of bread nastiness.
dinner--zuppa toscana soup. very good.

wednesday: lunch--chicken salad! very good. i had this the rest of the week for lunch
dinner--out to eat to carraba's...mmmhhmmm.... ate their chicken w/ goat cheese, mashed potatoes. very good. they actually have a gf menu. & my sister forced me to do this--go out to eat--so i would stop worrying about what would happen when i had to eat out. double bonus: it was wine wednesday! since i can't drink most beers now, i guess i need to find another way to get drunk every day (kidding!)

thursday: steak, baked potato, mushrooms & onions. this dinner was unbelievable tasty.

friday: first go at gf pizza crust mix. NASTY. (it was chebe in case you want to know so you never have to taste this for yourself). i ate about half of a slice. wes ate 2. amelia refused hers. adeline really refused hers. it just had this cardboard texture & taste to it, then add some grittiness & then top it with good stuff. still gross. never again. after this meal i thought we were doomed to never enjoy pizza again (still not so sure about this one).

saturday: lunch was compliments of my mother in law (they were visiting from out of town), beef veggie soup. it was very yummy. for dinner we then decided to go out, if you remember the terrible time we had at carraba's (we decided to go there since they had an exclusive gf menu. little did i know that my father in law didn't even like carrabas! him mentioning that could've saved him some $$ & all of us some time. next time, we'll just hit 5 guys or chick-fil-a). again, i had the chicken w/ goat cheese, potatoes, & salad. this time, bread was on the table & for a few seconds i thought i would fall off the gf wagon...but held strong. we also made some brownies from a trader joe's gf mix. they were very good. very good.

sunday: brunch: buttermilk blueberry pancakes (from a bob's red mill gf pancake mix). again, good! dinner was a mexican lasagna (layered pork roast, corn tortillas, verde sauce, refried beans, onions, then cheese on top of course!) served with guacamole & sour cream. yum yum.

monday: grilled chicken & risotto w/ onion & zucchini & cheese (always cheese)

tuesday: five guys burgers & fries. i had a no-bun double w/ bacon, onion, mushrooms, green pepper, cheese & a1 sauce. plus fries, come on. it was all good. & they are awesome about the whole gf stuff; even the teenage guy who took the order knew what i was talking about.

wednesday: a gerwig family style hawaiian chicken w/ jasmine rice. (crushed pineapple, ketchup, soy sauce, worcheshire sauce, & vinegar...bake w/ chicken)

thursday: beef roast w/ carrots, onions, boiled potatoes & a gravy-ish substance (which marked our first try w/ xanthan gum...that stuff is so weird!)

friday: white chicken pizza using the gluten free pantry mix. it was *much* better than the previous pizza friday gf experience, but still, not up to par.

saturday: (italian) lasagna using brown rice lasagna noodles & then a salad & with the leftover dough from the night before, baking a french bread then making garlic bread. this was the first dinner using gf products that we could *not* taste a difference. it was a great feeling.

& today i'm baking chocolate chip cookies using my own variations & then also using bob's red mill mix then a 365 mix (the whole foods product line, i believe). so far, i like the 365 mix the best. wes took them to the small group tonight where they will be tested against each other. i think mine, from scratch, taste a bit grainy...but i used oat & white rice flour (plus xanthan gum for thickening) instead. the great thing was that the cookie dough tasted great which is totally not so with the bob's red mill dough (it tasted something like what i would imagine a butt crack would taste like or maybe even a rotten lima bean...the aftertaste sent my system into shock, i had to eat some ice cream to recover.)...who will be the winner?

anyway, it's taking me longer to get dinner together...maybe b/c nothing is really 'fast' yet. i'm not used to the products & way of making something. the whole celiac/gf stuff has forced me to look at the food we eat, the actual ingredients list of additives & such on even the simplest of foods, like a can of beans (yep, found gluten in a can of beans). in the past i have mostly dismissed the food industry critics as a bit over-the-top. i mean, really, i would normally prefer to eat produce that was grown using a pesticide than gnaw on the bug that could be there without the pesticide. or those folks who say there's a link between diet & autism...really?

but as my brain fog seems to be lifting the past week & my gut is allowing me to eat a pepper & raw veggies, well, i'm becoming a believer. why is it that local, more pure food costs more? what is done to other food that makes it cheaper? why didn't i care until i was told it had a serious impact on my health? really, am i that into what tastes good to let it ruin my bones, giving me cramps similar to being in labor weekly, sometimes daily? is it just a coincidence that i had a benign tumor & also a disease that doesn't allow my body to absorb nutrients?

***

so. adeline has a high fever again this weekend. WHAT THE HELL?! the past 3 weekends it's been the same story: friday, she's fine. saturday she starts to get feverish & hot, pink-cheeked--which is so cute on her--& complains of stomachache. give her some tylenol & she's fine. she wakes up sunday morning with an even higher fever, which fluctuates throughout the day. after eating anything besides cereal, she complains of stomachaches. she takes a nap... as in, she tells us: i really sleepy, i go to my bed. AND her eczema then flares up, which is telling me that it's some sort of allergy. really, i have no clue, but know that our pediatrician will be called tomorrow. 3 weekends in a row is just too odd, especially without other symptoms, right?

what my midwife failed to tell me when pregnant with adeline: you should have gone to medical school before having kids. all these illnesses & such are enough to make a non-medical-school-educated parent loopy.

***

as for amelia. she is just a bundle of curiosity & energy. then someone put a quarter in her, as wes likes to say, & she bounces around for hours. & she's really starting to understand the dozen or so hand signs we've been using the past year. finally, right? & now i hear adeline moving around upstairs (wes & amelia left us, sadly, to go to our small group).

repunzel, repunzel...

...i joked over email with a friend this morning that some kid will be saying that to adeline when she turns 6. b/c until she turns 6, she is sequestered to her bedroom. b/c she has been a total grump & really, to be honest, a spawn of the devil today (GASP. THAT MAKES *ME* THE DEVIL! well...i guess tell me something i didn't already know, eh? i mean, can't we all be a bit devilish at times? fallen human nature & all?)

this, my friends, is addy's grumpy & mean face & is mostly what she has been showing us since wednesday.

there have been moments of non-grumpy face adeline. but those moments don't last so long. so as i mentioned before, she has been told to go to her room, hold her teddy bear & let the tears flow. i held her while she cried for a bit but it seems it just may be one of those times where she just has to get over *it*--whatever IT is--by herself.

then wes & i joke about keeping her there until she turns 6. then the jokes about repunzel start, b/c really, if adeline is stuck in her bedroom until then her fast growing hair just may make it at least down to the lower window in 3 years, right? ADELINE, ADELINE, LET DOWN THINE HAIR!

this is the thing. i know how terrible i feel when a virus hits me hard as it has adeline. i know i feel miserable...but how do we help her understand that she can feel miserable & hate the world YET still be kind to others? i can not even count the number of toys she has thrown or the number of times she has pushed amelia & swatted at amelia over the past few days & especially this morning. we've had it! we're up to our ears in devil-child & i can't take it anymore!

say it with me: BEN-E-DRYL. are there any other options for cold relief for 3 year olds? seriously, drug companies! do something about this!

***

what else have we been up to? remodeling the girls' bathroom! we have a strict time frame: from saturday (yesterday) to this saturday morning, when we will have guests here (wes' parents). guests use this bathroom when they are here so it *needs* to be finished by then. really, it's good that we have a strict time frame...or else it could go on & on forever, with no end in sight. like our kitchen. or our bedroom.

this is one of the glimmers of hope in our past few days: the sick, but still a bit happy, adeline. also note the two missing drawer fronts. remember me telling you how they just fall off when opening the drawer? well, here's a good shot of the aftermath: open-ended drawers. perfect for toddler hands to reach in & begin destruction of property.

so we probably should buy a new cabinet, right? but our thought is that we have a few more years of child-destruction ahead of us, with them climbing & pulling & falling into the cabinet. so we decided to just paint it & then maybe in 5 or so years, if needed, then to buy a new one. you know, when the drawers that wes is gluing & stapling & nailing back on start to fall off again.

you *know* you are envious of this light fixture. AND let's not forget to mention the medicine cabinet door! hello saloon door, what type of medicine to you have for me today? it is a great way to hang hair barrettes. hhmm. once it's gone, i will have to find a new method, drats! i bet it will look much better, though.

the person we bought this house from was a realtor. & a really terrible home-fixer-upper-person. b/c they put in all these cabinets that are falling apart & the ugly tile & the light fixtures. YES! they went out & purchased (!!!) these light fixtures! but they also did other weird things like put in toilet paper holders in dry wall that are supposed to go into tile walls (the porcelain kind, the kind that when you take them out they leave a huge hole in the wall) & then they put the towel racks about 5 feet *away* from the shower. the holes that have been spackled over are from the really super hideous towel racks that we pulled down immediately upon arrival b/c they were that ugly.

so here's our list for this week:

• paint ceiling (done)
• fill holes with dry wall & spackle mini holes & peeled drywall from who-knows-what & then sand (nearly done)
  
• paint trim & cabinet (started)
  
• paint walls
• buy new sink, medicine cabinet, cabinet for over the toilet, etc
  
• install new light
• install new medicine cabinet
• install new towel racks & tp holder
• install cabinet above toilet
• install new countertop & sink
• move faucet from the master bathroom to this bathroom (another oddity that i will explain below)
  
• install new hardware on teh drawers/cabinet doors (another story i will tell below)

*oddity: the faucet in our bathroom matches the shower faucet in the girls' bathroom. soo...they went to home depot or some place like that, purchased a new shower faucet set & the new sink faucet to match, then installed the sink one in the master bathroom. seriously, how can a realtor be so, uh, un-appealing? mis-matched? didn't they ever watch hgtv?!

*story: when we moved in, oh nearly 3 years ago, we bought a new light & then new drawer/cupboard pulls for this bathroom with the intention of remodeling this bathroom, oh, 3 years ago. we did work very hard that first 8 months...then millie's pregnancy began & voila! all home projects stopped until the play room, then our bedroom (still incomplete, that's why you haven't seen the 'after' shots yet), & yes, the kitchen will probably never be finished until we decide to completely re-gut & get new cabinets & floors (a few years away, my estimation...b/c it will shadow wes getting his old salary plus the raise he deserves with the promotion...will that ever happen? hhmm...that's why i say give us a few years). anyway, so we bought the pulls/hardware with plans to remodel this bathroom years ago. then we didn't & we put these fairly pricey pieces *somewhere*. do you know where? b/c we DON'T! we both have seen them at least once over the past 2 1/2 years but don't quite remember where. we have looked everywhere since yesterday. **we even cleaned wes' 'workshop' room in the basement in hopes that that lowe's plastic bag filled with these pulls would be found in the depths of one of the many other bags & bins & piles. nope.

i know we just have to go buy new ones, loose the reciept, & like magic the originals will turn up. in a place we never thought to look (under the couch?!)

***
so. that's the goings-on here. i'll leave you with a cute shot of our cuties.

one appointment down, 2 more to go, plus something special

ADELINE IS IN! she made it into the special needs preschool. she will get physical, occupational, & speech therapy (individual & group) weekly, plus the usual preschool thing. 4 days a week for about 2 1/2 hours. amazing. perfect. love it.

i think *every* child should have this preschool opportunity. why is it that a kid has to have special needs to get free education as a preschooler? (i believe that was one of obama's points of interest & i hope it still is...i will try not to get all political on you, but i sway left...even if i didn't i would enthusiastically accept this free preschool. i am glad to pay taxes to help out kids, adults, whomever. okay, will stop before i go on about health care *smile*).

2nd appointment, gosh, this is going to be difficult. wes needed to be at work, i mean, he's taken so many part days off. his employers are wonderful about all of these appointments, simply wonderful & understanding. but there comes a time when he has to say 'i have to be at work, i can't do this appointment' & i have to start pushing myself & do it. so today is the day that i take adeline to get an ultrasound of her kidneys & then a catheter. what a day to start, eh? i'm guessing there will have to be some sort of restraint object used...i know there will be lots of screaming b/c catheters hurt (this i now know), at least coming out they do. anyway, it will be over soon & hopefully this is just a precaution & she doesn't have kidney problems.

then tomorrow is her preschool open house! then 15 minutes after that she has her 1st individual speech therapy appointment...& yes, i'm driving all this myself! gulp. my cousin mckenzie is a godsend today, able to stay here with amelia & then tomorrow my friend christine will be here with amelia for those times. gosh, it will suddenly be friday, eh? THEN our old neighbors from boise who are driving around the country in their (oil run?) RV, talking about jesus & serving others & such, well, they're coming to ohio & visiting us! they are fantastic folks & we've missed them & are kinda giddy to see them again. (check out their 'share5' blog on the right).

must go pump addy with some more water for her exams... wish us luck.

WAIT! the 'plus something'??? i fit into my skinny jeans! not my pre-adeline skinny jeans (do i even still own those?!) but my post-amelia being born goal jeans. they're not actually the skinny "fit", just what i consider to be the weight & shape & size i feel comfortable with. i don't use a scale ever, so i have to use jeans or clothes to determine all those things. this morning, i couldn't find my newer jeans & so i went downstairs, to the box that has a taped on note saying "HEIDI DON'T OPEN UNTIL 10/09" b/c i don't want to open them & not fit into them & be all bummed. i gave myself the 13 months to fit back into pre amelia clothes & all it took was a brain tumor, lol. i was watching a tivo'd show of sex & the city t he other day & samantha fit into her skinny jeans & i was like 'oh my dkny jeans from 2 septembers ago, i miss you' & here i am, feeling like samantha, fitting into the dream jeans. do you feel the sun shining also? *smile*

one month

today marks the first month without harold. *sniff sniff* you're not missed.

this week has just zoomed by somehow & now it's friday & i'm glad. but everyone's in a testy mood for our own various reasons, making life a bit tense right now. but! adeline is 95% sure getting into the westerville school district special needs preschool. yippee! hello--she'll get speech therapy daily, plus any other therapies they see she may need. did i mention it's free? well, $15 a year for fees & whatnot but wow did that come as an answer to prayer (what a does a pay decrease + insurance coverage decrease + speech therapy costs + private preschool =?? too much for us to afford right now) so getting preschool & speech therapy all at once at public school is amazing & a godsend. PLUS she loved the teachers & the evaluators...it was the first time she had left with someone new that she didn't scream, cry, & throw herself into fits on the floor. wes & i were in a separate room & i kept waiting to hear her screeching from afar but it never came. when we met up with her an hour later, she was *happy* & laughing, playing with the speech therapist. & now she's excited for preschool...

we have her determination meeting monday morning. this is where all the evaluators/specialists meet up with us & the preschool coordinator to decide if she indeed qualifies for the preschool. if she does, then an IEP is written (oh joy. i've sat through enough of those iep meetings from my last job to know that fun is *not* coming). then she will start preschool either on her birthday or the following monday. (her birthday is sept 25). my baby is going to preschool?! FIRST #1.

FIRST #2: amelia walked. on her birthday. she just stood up in the middle of the floor, gave a huge smile & took 3 steps to adeline, then grabbed onto addy & fell to the floor. it happened in all of 10 seconds. but i caught it on my mama-memory-cam & there it will stay, hopefully forever. she hasn't walked since (well, i don't really know b/c i don't see her constantly & if the walking spells only last 10 seconds, well...there's a good chance we've missed it a few times).

***

what does one month post-op for a vestibular schwannoma surgery mean? well, my left ear has a moderate to low ringing, i can walk almost at a normal pace (sometimes, when i'm not very tired) but i'm tired a lot & a bit grouchy when the muscle pain is intense...which happens at least 2 or 3 times a day for various reasons. basically, i just need more time for things to heal. i had the 4 week post-op check up with dr welling & he said i was a great patient & doing amazing, that i looked nearly like a civilian (normal?). i dunno if they say that to everyone (care to input paige?), that they're great patients, etc. but for sure what they wanted to take care of before he appointment on thursday: payment. our balance of $1356.00 needed to have a payment made or paid in full. *gulp* it's just hard to see that chunk o change go, but we got it over all at once. i mean, the true amount of my surgery & hospital stay is still being worked out, but it's around the $150,000's now. yowzers. yes, i will pay $1356 instead of that previous amount.

i just have to get through this time. i keep telling myself to look forward to the holidays, when i will be feeling better (from what i've heard from other patients, the dr's, & also others who have had surgeries). it will be 5-6 months after & hopefully i will feel nearly 100%. even better, i will not have a brain tumor lurking in my skull, so i should feel even better than i used to. yea, i'm looking forward to that times 100.

***

it has been discovered that adeline has a severe allergy to walnuts (via a blood test). we also know she has a severe reaction to pine nuts & pecans. if you bring those into our home, you will be disqualified *smile* but really, we're trying to figure that all out. since she eats almonds, (also a tree nut) in the morning in her cereal & has eaten peanut & peanut products since 18 months without an issue, we are hoping to only find that she's allergic to those 3 tree nuts. but we have a few epi-pens for her, which freaks me out & benedryl always on hand.

then she recently had a round of urinary tract infection symptoms for quite a while & was taken to a dr & urgent care, etc & finally given medication for it on last week. she's doing better but now her ped wants to do an ultrasound on her kidneys & a catheter with dye contrast. to make sure she doesn't have this sort of reflux idea going on with her urethra & kidneys. wes & i nearly said a big N-O, especially since there's nothing to give her for the pain & discomfort of the catheter, plus the fact that addy won't let ANYONE near her vulva to begin with.... that appointment is on monday as well. maybe i'll tape the screaming & crying & send it off to be used for some slayer/slasher movie b/c that's how intense this will be. but the last time we almost blew off a dr's recommendation, my MRI, well, let's just say we're happy now that we went ahead with it...wish us luck! & wish us a better weekend w/ less grumpiness all around *smile*

indeed, we are.

please, if you have any reservations about reading crass language, stop & wait until my next post. & don't think any less of wes & i ...b/c you haven't lived our day.
***
so what is the title of this post referring to? well, wes & i went to this movie awhile ago, while my parents watched the girls, away we go was the movie. pretty good, made us laugh. anyway, during the movie the couple asked themselves several times 'are we fuck ups? i think we are fuck ups for sure.' so wes & i have had this joke going back & forth when something near disastrous happens or we're just all melancholy & weepy & then we ask the other person, are we fuck ups? & it will usually get a good laugh from us.

today (& parts of the past month!) confirms it: we are fuck ups.

b/c adeline couldn't imagine living life without something on the back patio as wes was shutting the sliding door & amelia was also racing out the door...adeline used amelia as a floor. she ran over her bottom & didn't listen as her daddy told her (in his most firm voice) addy stop! she ran right over amelia's head, quickly & fervontly digging it into the sharp metal tracks of the door with her feet. we never did find out what was so important to adeline that she would risk getting shut in a door. anyway, amelia was instantly covered in blood & shaking & screaming. wes took her (i am so not good with blood) & i took adeline for a good talking to that ended with adeline also screaming (i believe in response to amelia's screams of agony). the verdict: amelia split her tongue, from tip to towards the back. the split is probably as long as her front tooth. & if you've never seen this before--which i hadn't before today--you don't want to. it's very amazingly gross. tongue flappin' around where it shouldn't be, blood pouring out, parents panicking, baby girl trampled, preschool girl feeling very crappy about herself & crying on her time out chair.

so that is nearly behind us. the nurse told us there's not much a doctor could do for us & recommended that we give her a popsicle. amelia abhors cold things, especially frozen food, so my attempt at a simple ice cube in a teething mesh-thing was quickly refused & thrown across the room. yes, she does have a good arm! (thank you for noticing, lol)...but under no circumstances are we to give her any food above luke-warm temperatures. & amelia refuses most bottles that are not *hot* so we are looking at a dire situation. oh & no table food, which is the bulk of her food intake at this point. the nurse also mentioned that we could give her some pudding. my heart skipped a beat. i could do pudding! so i made some yogurt pops with peaches for tomorrow then i put amelia in her high chair next to the stove (agreed? what kind of a mama puts a baby in a high chair next to a flame & hot pan?! fuck ups. but it worked out. this time.) & made the pudding. she ate about half a bowl (oh, about one serving size) for dinner then i shoved the bottle down her throat, trying to avoid the tip of her tongue (it had bled off & on throughout the afternoon of discontent, aka millie didn't sleep longer than 9 minutes at a time for 1 hour, which seems to me to add up to around 20 minutes somehow b/c of how long it would take to get her back to sleep). point is: amelia is in a lot of pain, plus teething (so she's shoving everything in her mouth, leading now to more tongue pain & bleeding). we hopped her up on benedryl tonight, wish us luck!

the 2nd foul of the day happened just recently. while i was putting amelia down at an astoundingly early hour (7:15!), wes took adeline for a walk around the hood. on the way home, addy was jumping off large rocks. first jump into the grass went find. 2nd jump that daddy said no to but she did it anyway, well the 2nd jump she landed on the concrete, then skidded her lips across the concrete. ouch. so she came back with quite a big lip, something a bird would probably try to land on if given the chance. i heard wes come into the house & ask me if i had started to soak the bloody clothes from earlier. i said almost. he said we have more, b/c we're fuck ups. & i walk upstairs to see addy putting on her brave face with a blankie from the stroller half covered in her blood. but, smart adeline used this to her advantage to snag a few m&m's & then also some chocolate chips from the open bag.

yesterday, amelia pooped & peed on the floor twice each (hmm, she peed 3 times actually) while a friend was over. a friend i don't know very well. a friend who is pregnant & easily nauseous. she didn't leave our house screaming & running, though. but still, there goes buck naked amelia (b/c she had a terrible diaper rash, so we let her wiggle & crawl around without a diaper to speed the healing process. really works). anyway, amelia's crappin' all over the place & peeing & grinning the whole time. that was after i also found a huge spider on a blanket that i was giving her (out of a bag that had been sitting on our porch for almost a week, mind you...she is getting a lot of our baby girl clothes).

so we wonder, what do folks really think of us, with bloody kids & as you will read below, mostly naked wee ones with poop & pee being dropped at every turn.

***
why does adeline insist on being near naked most of the time? i'm really hoping this is normal for her age. (anyone want to agree with this?! please?). here's some examples:

• last night, around 7:15 p.m. adeline was riding/pushing her tricycle down the sidewalk. she was about one house down & suddenly got off her trike & started dancing around like mad. it was immensely adorable, folks. then i watched in *horror* as she threw/kicked her shoes off & then proceeded to take her shorts off. then her underwear. (the whole time i'm pulling weeds & shrieking to her to get her clothes back on). adeline looks at me with a huge smile & then continues to do her dance. i walked over to wes, who was watering our weed--errr, veggie--garden to tell him that his daughter is naked from butt down & he needs to take care of her. b/c that was only the 4th or 5th time she's stripped down in a matter of milliseconds(!!) just that day (yes, in front a guest).
• after amelia's near death trample, wes took adeline to work with him. he grabbed videos & snacks to keep her occupied & it worked, from what i know she did great. except the conference room incident. she was watching her videos in the conference room--thankfully where no one else was--& suddenly had the urge to pee. in her dora undies & jeans. so naturally, she then decided to go nude b/c wowzers, those pee filled clothes are uncomfortable, right? so wes decides to check on adeline & walks in to find her sitting completely naked in a huge conference room style chair laughing & having a grand time watching dora. she looked at wes & said simply 'pee pee' & gave a sour look. so wes tells her to *STAY PUT* & goes off to his desk to get her 2nd pair of clothes (that i put in there for him, you're welcome) & then to his horror hears the little pitter patter of adeline accompanied with her giggles. yup, streaking child in an engineering office. you *know* that security guard watching the tapes is like "whhhaattt? i'm calling CPS!" oh my goodness is it so wonderful that none of wes' co-workers saw this sight; wes would never be able to live it down.

i just keep wondering, what next?

the good thing about today is that i snuggled amelia & took a mama-heart-snapshot of her sprawled out on top of me, in her rocking chair, asleep & snoring softly. she had this little curl coming down in the middle of her forehead & then another straggler off to the left side of her head. she was my not so tiny baby, who only wanted to snuggle up to her mama & b/c wes took adeline for the afternoon, i was able to be there for amelia's every need (even if it was every 9 minutes) & i was hit with joy that i have chosen to stay home (that joy doesn't hit very often, lol). (& oh man, i'm not saying that working moms wouldn't be able to be there for their child in the time of need...these are just my thoughts from this). this whole harold situation has put a spotlight on some things & the decision to spend so much time with my girls that it drives me nutso, well, i've decided its a good one after all.

cold summer

this week has been a tid bit chilly around ohio. but that's okay! i love it. perfect for not turning the a/c on, still needing a heavy blanket at night...& for painting your bedroom & then also being able to sleep in that bedroom. yes, wes is hard at work finishing our bedroom painting project. we are now to the closet. meaning, all of our clothes are homeless & mostly strewn about it 2 different rooms. getting dressed is like going on a scavenger hunt. you know, {heidi} 'think, where would wes place my belts? if i was wes, i would put my wife's belts *here*. nope, not there, maybe, *here*. nope...'

what is also in disrepair in our house? our master bathroom sink. it has a rusted through under-part that leaks. we can't use it until wes also finds time to fix it. so we are sharing a bathroom with the girls which really has no negative consequences at all. actually, their bathroom is closer to our bed than ours! except maybe that addy likes to take our toothbrushes & toothpaste & brush her teeth. but that's usually worse for her, who is not used to the crest-adult-style toothpaste. she smacks her lips for about 10 minutes after these adventures in adult toothpaste land.

& this is a gross story, prepare to say "ewwww"!!!!
two days ago, as i was reading something online while amelia was napping & addy was finishing her poop-n-watch tv time, which coincides with me putting amelia down for a nap. i was very interested in what i was reading, apparently, b/c addy was making some noises to get my attention & i was mostly oblivious. i heard her, but i was like 'just a second addy, mama is reading...' then she walks over to me with something in her hand: a turd! adeline had this look of 'what am i to do with this smelly gooey object that is normally in my pull up?' she had poo-ied all the way out the back of her pull-up & it fell onto the floor with a near silent *splat*...addy had maybe tried to pick it up with her book (goodnight moon, which i may never read again although i attempted to disinfect it several times already). there was poo coming out of her pull up still. i said to her "don't move & for sure don't give me that thing in your hand!" i lifted her, facing me (like i want that butt in my face as i carry her to change the butt!). it was an exercise of strength, to carry a kid at arm's length up the stairs as she is trying to investigate the interesting *turd* in her hand. looking back, i should've just made her put it in the toilet downstairs, but what fun would that have been?

anyway, amelia is a DJ! at her cousins' birthday party a few weeks ago, they were given a keyboard as a gift. the twins thought it was cool, but then moved on to opening other gifts, as all kids do. amelia was fixated on that keyboard & began playing with it. she was really quite good at creating music. so when we got home, i made a point to get our keyboard out & show her that her family is cool too & has a fun toy such as the twins. ever since i showed it to her, she goes for it several times a day, playing with all the different sounds & beats & keyboards. she's doing it right now! then she bops around a wee bit like a baby would to music & has this look of 'hhmm, maybe i should slow the tempo down a bit? add a bit more drums?' then sometimes addy will meander into amelia's dj space & start to either take it away, so she can naturally play with it, or start to dance. do they have rhythm, you may be thinking? nah, they're my girls! they look like elaine from seinfeld, just like wes & i do when dancing...we suck! but, they love to dance & i hope to never take that away from them (in fact, i do plan on sending them to a dancing class or two so they don't look sooo out of it at a large public school dance where kids can be oh so mean). so, yes, my 9 month old has talent, a promising future. i've heard that female dj's are the next big thing.

***

so, good news on the speech therapy front! addy's speech therapist called & she had a drop-out for the expressive speech delay summer playgroup (yes, there is such a thing!). her speech therapist immediately thought of adeline as the replacement...which is amazing & wonderful & answers so many prayers. i have been a bit worried about how i was to get two things accomplished: #1 find adeline a playgroup with more than a few kids her near exact age #2 find kids who will not make her feel embarrassed or odd b/c she doesn't talk (she is now starting to understand that she doesn't talk as well as other kids her age & we can see that she is getting embarrassed & sometimes teary-eyed...such as not wanting to go into the church classroom b/c she can't interact as everyone else does). anyway! we've overheard a few kids ask her, in a kid-interested-way 'why don't you talk?' & since addy can understand language better than most kids her age, she knows what these kids are asking or saying about her. it's sad, but i don't think these kids are being mean, just curious. sometimes, maybe being purposefully mean, but usually not. anyway! she's in this playgroup now & apparently there is this other girl nearly addy's exact age with about the same amount of words & the speech therapist said she would love to see addy & this other girl set up private playgroups...we shall see! it starts mid-june & goes for 8 weeks. we're stoked, i tell you. good news, good news.

***
& now amelia has found her way over to me & is holding onto my legs, crying. time for nap.

mind exhaustion

first, to bombard you with pictures.

amelia squishing a strawberry.

big bear hug. check out their berry faces.

amelia, happiest near the berries.

addy giving a nice love pat to amelia who was just fed an enormous whole strawberry & didn't panic & choke, but rather chewed like crazy.

addy's berry face.

amelia & daddy before church on sunday

addy's outfit that she picked out for church! she is always so proud of her outfits.

addy & momma on saturday, going to target (then me to get my hair cut! new do folks! much shorter). anyway, addy picked out her outfit that day also & then using hand signals & gestures, told me exactly how she wanted me to do her hair...like princess laya (spelling?) but with poofy hair ribbons. what a girlie. she was smiling non stop after i was finished, though.

another look at her hair up-do of choice.

***

my brain is on, all the time. well, obviously, it's on all the time, but the past few days it's thinking all the what-if questions about a mile a minute.
what if amelia is allergic to griswold?
how will we tell addy why griswold has to leave us?
where would griswold go?
how long will we have to wait for speech therapy?
when we will know if addy has a more serious problem?(called "apraxia", more about that later)
what if addy doesn't qualify for the westerville preschool, where will she go so late notice & with a severe speech delay?
what if amelia is allergic to dust? will i have to spend an hour each day cleaning? will we need to spend thousands of dollars replacing carpet, flooring, upholstery?

i could go on, filling pages of my blog with these questions. i need to stop, i know! i'm wondering if some wonderful anti-axiety meds is what i need right now. there's this appointment i have with an ENT next week to check out some problems with my ears & then more people were let go at wes' job yesterday. i can't sleep all night, even though my kids usually are sleeping all night. i just don't want to think anymore!

***
after that wonderfully positive blurb...some of you may be calling your therapists to set up an appointment for me with them, lol! really, there is just very stressful things going on here & i need to stop worrying. easy enough.

today i'm taking the girls to franklin park conservatory for a picnic lunch with their aunt kristi (who works downtown, quite the big to-do "director" at children's hospital...next week she gets to meet with this lady who used to be an african ambassador for the united nations. next week i get to meet with the westerville school district special education teacher! comparable...?). anyway, wes & i got married at the franklin park conservatory, so this will be a fun place to take them to every once in awhile & tell them how we got married there & watch them roll their eyes, like 'big deal mom & dad'. but i'm happy to torture them, i guess.

amelia is now a speed crawler! she is zooming from room to room, checking everything out. there's a path of destruction following her & adeline has taken it upon herself to be amelia's babysitter. addy will walk in front of her, picking up little pieces of paper or a tiny hair barrette or anything & say to herself "no no b a-yea" (no no baby amelia) & then place this stuff on the kitchen counter for me to dispose of. if amelia is playing with something she's not allowed to, like the remote, addy will take it away from her, saying again 'no no b a-yea' & then give her another toy. if millie attempts to climb up the slide (there are painful consequences to amelia climbing up the slide), addy will *pull* her down in some amazing wrestling move & will usually try to make amelia stop crying from her take-down by tickling her. this adeline is a very protective older sister!

yesterday i finally had enough of the 'MINE MINEMINE NONONONO' shouts from addy towards amelia about certain toys. so i told addy that if she wants to play with something alone, she has to take it into her bedroom & if amelia starts following her, addy must shut her door if she wants to play with this special toy alone. so adeline did just that! she took her animal vet clinic toy, gathered up all the pieces & *sprinted* to her bedroom, shutting the door. she then played in there all by herself, babbling away with her imaginative play for about half an hour. it just made me laugh b/c amelia looked devastated! so i compensated by playing with the singing-baaing lamb (a favored toy).

***

okay, i've distracted myself with good stories, now to tell the results of addy's speech evaluation yesterday. sigh. she was shown to be 6 months ahead of her age for speech & language comprehension. she was mastering age 4 questions with some slight deliberation, which was so cute to watch (addy would go "hhhmmm????" & raise her finger to her mouth when thinking! like i said, CUTE!). she also was tested to be at least 1 year behind in expressive speech (words that she says, or expresses). both of those we knew fairly well already. she's a smarty pants, but she doesn't talk well.

what i didn't expect was to hear that the speech pathologist suspects that addy may have apraxia...which is a neurological disorder. basically, her speech neurons are firing to her facial muscle receptors & the two are not connecting. so she know what she wants to say, but her mouth isn't getting the message, so she isn't able to say the words...causing MUCH frustration. this is a disorder that takes more than a few sessions to assuredly diagnose a kid with. if addy does have this, she has a very mild case, thankfully. kids with severe or moderate apraxia never learn to talk fully & need help with a computer to communicate.

i keep telling myself that this is just another round of a severe diagnosis hanging over our heads that will soon be proven wrong. like me with inflamed optical nerves or ms... just one more thing to worry about for a few weeks or months & then find out *poof* everything is mostly fine. so i'm really trying not to get worked up about this, especially b/c children's hospital is so backed up with speech therapists that adeline won't be able to be seen again for quite some time (months).

which brings up another frustrating thing: why can't speech people get their ass in gear & get kids in sooner?! speech delays & impediments can have life-long implications...such as introversion, low self esteem, inability to make friends, anxiety, etc etc. i keep hearing from several people that it took a very long time for someone they know to get speech therapy. why?! i know it's not life-threatening, but should that matter? i don't expect people to get up & run around in panic just b/c my daughter has a speech delay, but heavens to betsy, can't they see her before preschool starts?!

again, it was reiterated that i can look around at private speech therapists & see if our insurance will pay for their services & i will for sure do that. until then, we are going to start learning preschool versions of sign language (which has been recommended by everyone since this started), so i will get back to everyone on how that's going. apparently this speech pathologist says that addy is very receptive & even taught her a few signs yesterday in 10 minutes. i mean, i'm a trained social worker, i have the basic understanding...i guess even if i have to drop amelia off at the gym day care & then addy & i will sit in the playground/lobby area & do some sign/speech therapy...so be it.

isn't there an advocacy group for parents with kids with speech delays? a therapy group?! lol.

***

we are not wanting to think about amelia being allergic to griswold, but the more we study her snot & eye itching situation, the more it seems connected to when she's in direct & indirect contact with the dog. like i said, let's avoid talking about that so i won't cry this early in the morning.

***

so if amelia has allergies, my kids will have forced the following on me:
eating peas
eating green beans
cleaning on a daily basis
dusting on a weekly basis
not reading all day long on a weekend day
not making cinnamon rolls from scratch
having the ability to ignore a crying child for about 20 minutes (hint: amelia in her jumperoo right now...keeps her contained, but very unhappy about it)
allowing the tv to be on when i'm not watching it (addy has discovered the wonder of pbs cartoons this week. my fav is sid the science kid)

& now i'm typing with amelia on my lap & she really likes it when i sing 'the lone ranger' type songs & move my legs like she's riding a horse. she just lays her head back on my shoulder & smiles up at me like i'm the best mama in the world. & i smile & hum louder.

sid the science kid is asking right now: can you smell things that are far away? gabriella's response: my uncle's socks. see, it's a funny show!

another medical post

if you don't want to hear about our latest medical saga, just ignore this post, lol!

we took both the girls in to their pediatrician this morning...addy is getting more croup symptoms & we don't want to go through another 911/er visit anytime soon. amelia's snot situation & irritated eyes are worse. *hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to the doctor's we go* (yes, i do think when i have less than desirable sleep i start reciting children's song or book lyrics, but i won't put you through another sandra boynton adaptation, not today).

today was a very good visit with our ped. she listened & gave us honest & more thorough advice, which was needed & appreciated & really in her (our ped's) favor b/c i was ready to **go off** if we got the 'it's just a virus' answer. ya know, can amelia really have a cold for 6 weeks & it not be reason for concern? this was our first dual-appointment & it was confusing at first, but being the smart parents we are, we caught on quick. lol.

so amelia may have allergies to...griswold. seriously, this is a sad sad thing to consider. i had been thinking allergies, but animal allergies didn't even occur to me. the reason the ped thinks dog allergies is b/c since this is her first spring season, it's not likely that she would already have developed an allergy to pollen, grass clippings, etc. it would be something that she's constantly been exposed to for some time now, such as a dog (or, in griswold's defense, it could be something like dust as well...which reminds me that the last time i dusted in her room was, well...before she was born?! the chipper house cleaner's who came a few months post millie delivery dusted her room, so it's been about 6 months maybe? ooops. put that on the to-do list, eh?). anyway, she has a prescription & samples for an allergy medication to take for a few weeks & see how she responds. the ped didn't want to say for sure it would be the dog, but she did say that's really the only thing it could be at this time... when she said that, i looked at wes & saw the horrific look on his face & i swear i saw tears welling in his eyes. it would be a very sad sad day if we had to get rid of griswold... so...that's the amelia file.

the adeline file is a bit more complex, so i won't go into detail, but we have been given an ongoing prescription for steroids (croup) & antibiotics (sinus infection). she has an order to have blood work done to determine exactly what she's allergic to & thankfully it's a blood test & not the skin-prick test. i was fairly little when my sister had her skin-prick test done, but i remember it very well & really appreciate the advances in medicine! one needle prick compared to a full board of them sounds much better & less traumatizing... & we were given answers about why she keeps getting croup & that it's not directly related to asthma & allergies, but they are checking that anyway.

we talked about her ear & speech situations & got some good info. i think we are going to just call columbus speech & hearing & set up a hearing evaluation thing with them at this point, just to get that second opinion. but the chances are, since they were able to do all the tests on her fro the 2nd hearing test (b/c she refused half the stuff the first time), the 2nd hearing test results are the accurate ones. which is a relief. & apparently kids with 'expressive speech disorder' = late talker.

then i also just talked with the 'help me grow' lady & got some answers. as in, addy probably will not be able to get speech therapy until preschool starts in the fall! whhhaaat? we can get connected with a private speech therapist, but they usually have such long wait lists that it would be nearly pointless (the wait list would probably be months out). tomorrow is her speech evaluation with children's hospital & hopefully they will step up to their country-wide recognition as a great hospital & give us some proactive help! b/c i'm thinking that my mood will not improve by tomorrow & my ability to *go off* on a medical professional will also not have diminished (sad to say, lack of sleep & two very grumpy sick kids & still being sick myself = short fused heidi/mama bear). the help me grow lady suggested i get addy involved in playgroups & get her socializing more, as in, daily socializing... is she trying to tell me to put her in day care?! so that goes out to all the moms out there who struggle with the fact of sending their kids to day care...i have just been sort of told that my daughter would benefit from something like day care! there you go, let free that guilt! lol. anyway, while she was telling me this i am thinking that addy is sick a lot & i have a problem exposing her to other kids & passing along her illnesses & viruses, so that creates a problem. hhmm.

sidenote: did you know that sinuses don't develop until a child is around age 2?! isn't that crazy. i had no idea. which is why addy is diagnosed with a sinus infection & amelia isn't. hhm.

addy escaped the confines of the house this morning while i was getting amelia dressed (yes, we need adult-eye-level deadbolts installed asap on all outside doors!). she went directly to the strawberry patch & picked herself a handful, ate them, then carried two ripe ones in for amelia & i (they were rather squished, so, not very edible, but the thoughtfulness is kind of her.) but during this escape she also managed to scratch her arms up pretty good on the hop vines (which are prickly & rough) & we didn't notice this until we were in the ped's office...when the ped starts asking addy to take her clothes off to check for signs of abuse, that's when i'll get worried, lol.

must go make a 2nd pbj for my adeline.

virus monsters!

-an adaptation of birthday monsters (by sandra boynton).
sadly, based on true events from last night...

virus monsters!

you're not awake. it's 2 o'clock.
you hear a cry.
you hear a COUGH COUGH.

you hear the cough turn bark--
THE VIRUS MONSTERS ARE IN TOWN!

five virus monsters barge right in
and yell, "IT'S NIGHT TIME!
LET'S BEGIN!"

they rush the parents awake
before we're ready

& use our adeline as a germ factory.

"OH LOOK!" they shout.
"IT'S 2:08!
YOUR 911 CALL
CAN'T WAIT!"

they've brought the illness
they like best.

adeline gets blue lips
from coughing without rest.

"AND NOW,"
they say,
"IT'S MEDIC'S RESPONSE!
YOU ANSWER THE DOOR
& WE'LL MAKE HER SCREAM!

we find an EMT who's great.

we listen & wait,
listen & wait.

we realize 20 minutes later
we're being sent to the
hospital-ator. {sorry about the poor rhyming, lol}

"IT'S TIME FOR A RIDE!"
the monsters shout.

"SO HURRY! GET THE CAR OUT!"

we close our eyes
& make a wish,
& look upon...
...a wheezing-adeline-petri dish.

"AND NOW, GOODBYE!
IT'S BEEN A THRILL!"

and out they go. the car is still.

they took our sleep.
they scared our daughter.
they made us call 911 then drive to the ER.
there's nothing more that could go wrong.

and then
DEEP BREATH.
and then
SING SONG.

one last surprise is here for you--

THE VIRUS MONSTER RECOVERY CREW!

they fix!
they sweep!
they scrub the lungs!

the airways are open!
they're out the door!

and on your kitchen counter
you find

the medicinal things
they've left behind.

THE END.

*YAWN*

what a night. addy has croup...again. this was the worst that we have ever heard! yes, her lips did turn blue b/c she was coughing for 5-10 minutes without stopping or catching her breath. then when she did stop, her breathing sounded like a cough. i called 911 b/c of the blue lips & when the lady heard addy's breathing & asked if it was her cough & i replied that it was her breathing, that's when she sent the squad...anyway, long story short, she was given some steroids by the er doc & hopefully will do better today & tonight. she does sound like a raspy, old smoker, but she's still kicking & giggling, so...

what a night. & here i thought addy was the healthy one out of all of us! wrong again.

sorry, all who were at the bbq with addy yesterday...i hope the virus monsters don't visit you b/c of her being around you & your kids. so sorry if they do!!!

oy vey.

first, the good things.

addy in her last diaper! it's all pull-ups & undies from here. which is so wonderful to think about. today we were gone most of the day & she didn't pee in her pants once! i was sooo proud & the great thing is that she did it without even needing her m&m treat as a reward. oh yea!

what else is good news? uh, it's supposed to be warmer tomorrow? frost should be over after tonight. we covered out strawberries last night b/c man oh man, it would be a HUGE bummer to lose all those green berries out there... plus an animal ate most of wes' veggies on the side of our house the other night. stupid varmint. so he had to replant/seed all of them! seriously, what's the point of growing your own stuff from seed if your babies are just going to be gobbled up? plus that stupid varmint ate my daisies! i am soooo ready to hide out & shoot whatever animal it may be.

****** funny story time ******
tonight at dinner (we were having blueberry buttermilk pancakes & these egg/omelet/souffle cups. we had about 4 tablespoons of maple syrup left (we only use real maple syrup b/c i am a syrup snob apparently; not that stuff that comes in a ginormous container, lol. snob, i tell you.). anyway, we were eating mostly dry pancakes b/c we didn't have enough syrup to go around, which always seems to be the case. we buy a thing of syrup & then it's gone before the next time we use it. so i looked across the table & asked wes "why is it that our maple syrup is always gone?!" he gives me this smart-alec look back & replies "b/c of that" & points to adeline...who was drinking the rest of the syrup out of the jar, head tilted waaaayyyy back & making low gulping noises...

***
& today was the 2nd hearing test. *sigh* adeline passed! i am not sure how to feel about the whole thing. there are so many levels of schtuff to think about with this test. first is that last test she did indeed have a slight cold, which could give her an earache. except that her ped had checked her out that very morning prior to the test & didn't see any signs of an ear infection. so i'm not quite convinced that the reason she didn't pass the last test was b/c of an ear infection.

#2 is that an inner ear problem explains so many things about adeline...the random fevers, diarrhea, belly aches, headaches. these could all come from inner ear problems. as can imbalance! & she is that as well (imbalanced). it also explains her speech delay.

the third problem i have with this test result is that the same audiologist gave the test & she was very abrupt, nearly to a point of rudeness, did the tests a bit hastily (it took half the time it did last time...granted adeline cooperated much more this time around, though). then once the test was completed, she opened the sound proof door (i had addy on my lap in that sound proof room) & said "she is responding on a normal level, she's hearing normal. you were right to say you didn't think she had a hearing loss last time"...then she gave adeline a sticker & walked towards the door, opened it & then asked "do you have any questions?"...i sorta felt like i was being shoved out the door! YES i had questions! last time you totally shocked me saying that adeline could barely hear what i was saying & that it probably wasn't from her cold & now you are saying the exact opposite & sending me out the door with a fake smile. i was pissed. i am very very very unhappy with children's hospital so far! (it takes 2 1/2 months to get a speech evaluation with them & 3 weeks with 'help me grow'?).

i think we are going to get another opinion from a different source, probably columbus speech & hearing. i just don't want to go with this test result & then encounter this problem in another year & say to ourselves, i wish we would've looked into it a bit more last year. right?

along with this, addy had her speech evaluation with 'help me grow' last thursday & on sunday afternoon (! yes, weekend day!) they called us with the results: she indeed has an expressive speech delay. & she is advanced in other areas, meeting 4-5 year old marks! yep yep yep, smarty pants. now if we can just get her to talk, lol! so we should expect a call from our coordinator this week to get connected with a speech therapist & the westerville school district. then we have the children's hospital speech evaluation in early june & may get a speech therapist through them for the summer. having a diagnosed speech delay does qualify her for "services" according to 'help me grow'...i think that means preschool through the school district, but they haven't said that for sure or not.

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! we are so frustrated. we just want a plan...there is just so much we don't have answers to.

then to top it off amelia is finally cutting her two front top teeth. & she is oh-so-not-happy about it. let me tell ya. wait, it's more like 'let me scream it to you'. she was up so much last night. so so much... as i rocked her i was struck by how much her emotional faces look like wes. it was adorable. at times when i looked down at her sleepy face i nearly felt like i was rocking wes...it was that similar! in a good, feminine way, of course. *she don't look like no man, lol.* & tonight she's already been awake screaming/sobbing/ flailing twice & yea, she went to bed at 8. it's going to be a long night. i keep telling myself that this is it, we're just getting past the last few night time hurdles & then we'll be in the clear for (mostly) nights of sleeping. unless its like last night: when i finally got amelia back to sleep...adeline then wakes up crying & won't stop until we go into her room to comfort her. lesson here? don't have another kid! *smile* we wouldn't trade amelia for the world, though (nor would we trade addy).

today as i walked through the mall with my friend judy on our way from the playground to the food court, i did what mamas are not supposed to do: i compared our kids again.
amelia: pulling addy's hair & loudly squawking/squealing.
addy: crying (see above)/shouting (don't want to leave playground)/kicking (who knows what, the air?).
elliott: peacefully sitting & looking about his surroundings.

i then asked judy if she only hangs out with me so she can make herself believe she is raising an angel baby & she actually smiled this wicked smile & you KNOW she was thinking 'oh yes, that is one reason for sure' but she lovingly said 'i had my time with two kids close in age & they were just this loud' (she has two older boys also). but folks, she knew i had the loud kids at this time. to clarify, btw: i somehow forgot the stroller today so we had to 'rent' one from the mall & they aren't the most spacious of things, so amelia had the ability to pull addy's hair at this point & pull it out she did!)

1 down

we just finished the 'help me grow' intake (with a graduate of ohio state college of social work...she has her masters & i don't though, but she was an LSW {licensed social worker, what i was), with a masters, so she just recently graduated apparently b/c it takes 2 years of supervision to get your LISW {licensed independent social worker]). within the next week, a speech therapist will be calling me to set up the speech evaluation & we have a tentative appointment with westerville school district in mid june (if adeline qualifies from the speech evaluation) to enroll her in a special needs preschool for next year where she will get daily speech therapy (& hearing therapies if she doesn't pass her next hearing test). i'm not sure exactly what the special needs preschool looks like, whether it's more specifically for speech & hearing or if all special needs kids will be in the same classroom. either way i'm sure it will be helpful for her...
the help me grow intake lady did say that from what she can tell, from info i gave her & her own interactions with adeline, that she will qualify for all the services. *sigh* i guess it's good to know what we're up against instead of hearing from her pediatrician "there is a large range of verbal/speech abilities, i'm sure she'll start talking soon"... i really like our pediatrician (okay, she's not a dr. beautiful or anything!) but she has put us behind on this by saying this wasn't a concern when wes & i both knew it really was.

another interesting thing: her clumbsiness is most likely not from vision problems, according to this worker, but probably from inner ear or balance. hhmm...we didn't suspect vision problems, but something has to explain how she can totally run into large things & fall over randomly. one thing for sure: it's very humorous to watch.

she also said that speech is the fastest skill to improve on & once speech therapy is started that adeline will make significant progress (meaning her first year of preschool may be in the special needs pre-k, then her 2nd year could be in a regular pre-k)...then if she doesn't pass her hearing test, she would qualify to attend the columbus speech & hearing preschool (which would be very very helpful & amazing!).

this worker also noted that kids with hearing loss & speech delays (comparable to adeline's) usually have severe behavior problems as well...we had talked a few minutes about how i was a social worker prior to having kids & that i worked in a school/behavior modification setting with dual diagnosis mental health children & teens. she then said that she believes that adeline has such good behavior b/c of my knowledge & skills & that i've probably been using behavior modification on her & didn't even realize it. which is sorta interesting, but it makes sense. i did tell her, of course, about her hour long tantrums & other things like that & apparently that is minor compared to what some kids with speech delays portray. so...i guess my 5 1/2 years in college are useful to me still, even if i'm not working in social work or outside the home! (does that make my student loan payments easier to pay?? hhmm, not really).

so, yes, 1 evaluation down. now we apparently have 3 or even 4 more to go! should be an exciting summer filled with visits to specialists.

adeline just brought me a fortune cookie from the snack drawer & i opened it for her. the fortune says: your vibrant personality inspires others; stay that way. how true it is, adeline is simply vibrant.

& poor amelia, she has somehow fallen asleep in her exersaucer! i guess it's nap time?

update on the hearing & speech situation

i think i left all this in limbo, so here's what we know at this point:

since adeline had a (very minor) sore throat & the fever going on right before the hearing test & also b/c she didn't fully cooperate during the final hearing test (oh the lovely tantrums) the hearing test results can not be 100% accurate. but the results we did get from the tests they were able to complete showed that adeline has moderate to mild hearing loss. with a normal ear infection comes a very mild hearing loss & i have read from the columbus speech & hearing website that mild hearing loss can be imitated by sticking your fingers in your ears (try it, that's pretty intense hearing loss & that's only the 'mild'). so...if adeline did indeed have an undetectable ear infection, once that heals she would still have mild hearing loss b/c she was tested to have moderate hearing loss. (it goes mild to moderate to severe/profound, i believe). however, she was checked out by her ped the morning of her hearing test, as you may remember...the day of the dr's started with an 8 o'clock ped sick visit walk-in & her ped didn't see any fluid in her ears. but the ped then explained to me over the phone last week that sometimes a child does have fluid in the ear that is not able to be seen by a ped & that sort of fluid could be constantly there or basically a constant ear infection. if it is that simple, she would see an ENT & most likely have tubes put in her ears & that would solve her hearing loss. there is also a chance that if she has this low amount of fluid in her ears for quite some time (i would say about 18 months, since we noticed her vocab & speech decreasing instead of increasing) permanent damage could have been done & tubes would help but not totally solve her hearing loss.

if it is found that she does not have fluid in her ear then again she will be sent to an ENT for further inner ear tests to investigate the cause of her hearing loss. again, tubes could help other causes of hearing loss but if this is the case it is most likely that this loss is permanent & then we would go from there to...hearing aids or other possible surgeries.

when i was talking with the audiologist who did the hearing tests (on the phone last week, a few days after the test), i began to understand that they don't really seem to have a good idea of the 'why' of her hearing loss but they do not want to say the results she had that day are accurate until they do another test 4 weeks after the first test. the weeks in between would give her ears the time to heal if she happened to have this mysterious ear infection & her sore throat would be healed also. i laughed & said that with our record of illnesses this winter, by mid may she will have another illness to contend with & what will we do then (if she has another virus/infection or even if she doesn't cooperate again & let her complete the main test). apparently the last resort test would be done by an ENT & involves severely sedating adeline (to a point of inducing sleep) & using a scan of some sort to test her hearing/brain waves ??? through brain stimulation. i'm kind of thinking this will be the necessary route b/c addy is so, hhmm, strong willed & really didn't like the hearing test. but! i hope it won't come to that.

basically, we are to not assume anything at this point until all the tests are completed again on may 18th. but we know & her pediatrician is in agreement that the hearing loss makes sense. she's very low on her speech, she has fevers & pains that don't make sense (yes! hearing loss can cause unexplained fevers, diarrhea, stomach nausea...this could solve so many problems) & she is highly coordinated but seems unbalanced, which is also a symptom of hearing loss & she startles often (meaning, she doesn't hear us walk up behind her & then suddenly we are there & that will startle her). i must say that if her hearing loss is resolved & thus her knack for falling over & running into things also goes away, i will miss this part of her that is fairly fun to watch (she doesn't hurt herself, just sort of runs into things, lol. ask anyone who has been around her for some time, it's just a bit funny).

wes' mom was able to speak with a speech pathologist who gave some really helpful advice on how to talk to adeline & help her hear better while we are speaking...using some of these techniques this past week, she has already learned 5 new words that she is able to say: home ("ome"), baby, addy, pop-pop, & ball. seriously, for those who have small kids you may think, wow, my 12-15 month old says those things. so, YEA, this is why we're concerned! & if you are around us now when we talk to adeline...well, let's just say you may find it almost humorous b/c we are talking loud & enunciating & getting in front of her to speak with her, so she can hear us & see us talking. it just looks a bit odd, even to us. but! it's working b/c she has never learned 5 words in just a few days. & her speech evaluation is coming up & we may go with a different organization to have it completed (help me grow), which they may be able to meet at our house within one week! (instead of the first week of june like children's hospital, ugh).

so, that's the update!
& if all of this doesn't make sense to you, join me in being confused & uncertain!