as expected.

tonight amelia was very very grumpy. could be that she only slept a total of 45 minutes between two naps today. could be...very possible.

we were eating dinner & wes was feeding amelia her baby food. i believe it was green beans & rice cereal. (blech!) i don' t like veggies very much but i don't let my kids know this, of course. i eat veggies in front of the them. wes loves veggies so there you go, they have a good food role model parent.

anyway, we were eating dinner & amelia was just plain pissed about something. she was arching her back, she was crying in protest to her food, she wouldn't open her mouth for a bite. during her wails wes was able to sneak a few bites in but that's about all she ate. then wes picked her up & did the ea- &-baby-hold. amelia started grabbing for his plate & wes was doing the baby-grabbing-for-your-plate-as-you-eat dance. (btw: those are our official names for these acts). after a minute of watching him do this ever so delicate dance of eating & holding a squirming baby, i said something like 'ha! try giving her some of your pasta...' more in the idea of watching her spit it out & turn red with disgust.

not our gerbickian baby! she had the widest mouth possible as the noodle came towards her mouth, her arms flapping wildly. she began to gum it to shreds while holding it with her entire fist. she then protested & grabbed for more pasta. she ate maybe 4 or 5 pasta thingies (hhm, they were the big ones, i forget what they're called, but we're not talking about a little spaghetti noodle here...). she was so content & was looking around the table at all of us with this 'i'm part of this family & i can eat at your food too' look & seemed very proud of herself.

& people wonder why we are planting so much food for our wee little family...we have eating monsters! amelia is eating solids at 7 months?! oh my. here we go again; eating monster #2.

also, we sold the bedroom set from wes' grandpa tonight! yea! now we can go shopping 'for real' as wes would say. b/c we don't have a dresser for our clothes now. DOI! silly gerbicks don't plan ahead very well (okay, i thought of this today, but wes didn't seem to think it was likely they would purchase & take it tonight...ooh, but they were ready). wes was very sad to see it go & after the girls were in their beds he went outside & dug around in the garden a bit with a very sad look about him. & now he's eating dairy queen ice cream...but! we are one step closer to painting our bedroom & getting our own dresser & bed frame. oooohhhhhhh!

the reason i exercise.

this morning was a bad one. the kind of day a mama (or daddy) can predict even before you get out of bed. as i lay in bed at 7 a.m. i could already hear adeline throwing a tantrum downstairs as wes tried to give her breakfast & then i also heard amelia crying her little baby whine. *sigh* it's going to be a long day, i said to myself. i then spent about 20 minutes cleaning our bedroom (b/c someone is coming over tonight to look at the bedroom set we are selling on craigslist.org which is a boy's bedroom set from wes' grandpa gerbick & yea, we have girls, so...sell it is). anyway, the dresser is in our bedroom, so a stranger will be in my bedroom! yikes. time to clean like mad. i mean, our bedroom is the ugliest room in the house by far.

anyway, tuesday & thursdays are my gym days. we HAVE to be out of the door by 8:35 for various reasons (the most important being getting amelia home in time for her nap). so adeline goes about throwing tantrums all morning & after arguing with wes since 6:45 about what she was going to have for breakfast...well, mama gave her the ultimatum in a very loud voice "you WILL eat your oatmeal at the table, right NOW" & off she went, crying. but, she wet to the table, right. so then wes consoles her b/c i was so stern with her & she pouted & that made me a bit angry that wes was playing the 'good parent/bad parent' (without realizing it, i believe, to his defense). then wes & i get into an argument.

bad day it is.

we made it to the gym, a little late, but we made it (& i remembered to wear my gym shoes). adeline for the first time in her life doesn't want to go into the gym day care. she is crying, clinging to me, hiding behind the door, etc etc. she has never done this there! but i still drop her off & make my way to the locker room & the locker i have chosen is jammed. so i find another. on & on my bad day continues like this.

low & behold, the new times magazine is still available & i snag it to read while elliptisizing (yes, i believe that's my own word). i begin to read the cover story & i really like it. i can feel my stress level going lower & lower & lower. i actually start to think about things other than my kids & their quirks & routines & cuteness.

i think about my college professor, dr. ross. oh, how i loved dr. ross! he was maybe in his early 60's. he marched with dr. martin luther king jr. several times. he had great stories & life experiences & he just inspired something in me. most of the class members (all social work students, as it was a social work class) didn't like him b/c all he did was tell stories & bring in current news to debate & discuss. he hardly ever lectured, but when he did it was somehow also inspiring (he tested from the book which means we actually had to read the book, which i also liked). anyway. dr. ross let me take 2 1/2 weeks off without a grade cut for my wedding & honeymoon...he also gave me the names & phone numbers & addresses of all the senators & representatives in ohio when my brother was suddenly not able to come home from iraq on leave to attend my wedding (well, i was sobbing my eyes out the entire class & he asked me to stay after to talk with him... & he was just so wonderful, really. he was so stinkin' mad about the situation with me, but didn't bash the military or the war, which is unusual for someone in his position...i tell ya, he was a great professor). he inspired me in ways that no other professor ever has or did. not just in social work, but to speak out about current issues, to have an articulate opinion about social problems.

then i thought about things i have given up to be a stay at home mom. i think the giving up part of me started even before i was a mom...wes & i agreed before we were married that we both wanted a stay at home parent, namely ME (although days like today i think wes would be the more patient parent to choose for this job). my friend, holli reminded me of this a few weeks ago; i had completely forgotten about it! right after wes & i were married, marlene nathan (the wife of the vineyard of columbus' pastor & she was also the new women's pastor) asked me to sit in on a brainstorming meeting for the direction of the women's ministry. when they all found out i was newly married, it was suggested that i take a year off before becoming part of the 'leadership' in the women's ministry to focus on the grime of the first year of marriage. well, wes & i then moved to boise a few months later & that was all forgotten about. basically, it was an honor to even be chosen by marlene... so that was the first thing i gave up.

the 2nd is the career. i was asked by my boss to head up a new program in a school district that had just decided to start a 'therapeutic learning classroom' in their elementary, middle, & high schools. i had only been working with this program for 8 months & i didn't even apply for this position & 6 other co-workers did. & instead they asked me...& i turned them down b/c wes & i were planning on (me) getting pregnant within a year (it was--shock!--6 months later that i was pregnant). instead, i was in charge of the high school program for the upcoming school year. my point is: i did give up a career to stay at home. of course, i can work again whenever i choose to; wes isn't forcing me to stay home in any way. & it was just a few months ago that i made the final decision to stay at home at least until amelia is in elementary school. & i'm okay with that. but it's important for me to remember that i was really good at what i did & i have to mourn that loss. b/c i (mostly) enjoy staying home with the girls. it's fun & it gives me joy to see them growing up & changing. social work would never give me this much joy, i can tell you that for sure! hhmm, but i think the stress level is eerily similar...

then i thought about the economic situation right now. when wes & i moved back to columbus we looked at, oh geez, probably 40 houses? we chose to buy a house that we could totally afford, not using the 'buy what your salary/income will be in 5 years' theory. & turns out we ended up with a house that was totally not updated (it was built in 1974). but it had potential & a fenced in back yard & it was on the lower end of our price range. we have done a lot of work to this house, mostly painting & putting new light fixtures in & tearing out some not-so-retro 1970's home features. our improvements included painting the kitchen cabinets & putting new hardware on the cabinet doors & a new home depot off-the-shelves countertop & sink. i'm pretty lucky that wes is so amazingly handy around the house & with tools. anyway, we didn't replace the cabinets, although they are nearly falling apart in some places. we didn't replace flooring although the tile is white & hideous & the carpet is stained & just plain ugly...all b/c we don't have the cash for it.

i remember one of my friends came over & she just couldn't believe that we didn't just replace the cabinets & flooring & put all of it on credit cards or a 2nd mortgage. when we replied that we like to buy things we actually have the cash for...really, she just couldn't understand why we felt the need to buy things with cash when credit was so easily available & the cabinets & flooring were so ugly.

that line of thinking is part of the 'why' of the current economic problems, at least in my opinion. yes, credit is readily available & we do have excellent credit. but it's credit! it's not cash & no matter how you play it, credit = debt...& living outside of your means, your income. again, i'm lucky to be married to a man who thinks this way also b/c right now we're doing pretty good compared to other families that have maxed themselves out on credit. & i know lots of other families who live the same way we do & i know we're not the golden stars among everyone (meaning, the only ones who are doing it 'the right way, according to us'). it's almost humorous to me to hear economists say that people should save a certain amount & not be so extended on credit...yes, HELLO?! but some people have been taught that having the beautiful home full of the best of the best is what will make you happy. or the brand new car or whatever it is that's desirable. (of course, i'm not saying that having these things is wrong...i guess only if you can truly afford them???). so there was that line of thought while exercising.

anyway, then i thought about how i want to get involved with something...maybe the food pantry at the vineyard of columbus (where we have decided to go now! i'm so glad the church decision is over). just get involved with something more than my kids; something social-change minded. b/c that's me, i am pre-wired to have a social/cultural awareness & desire to help others in need. it's just in me & i can't change that. the past few years have been taxing on me partly b/c there's been so much going on (baby, moving cross country, fixing up our house, then pregnant & baby again with a toddler, then sick most of the winter, etc etc) that i haven't had time to focus on the outside world. but i'm beyond ready now....it's just a matter of convincing my kids to be tame enough to let me do this & find a great day time & evening babysitter for some mama-alone time (& date night! wes & i NEED date night).

okay, those are my thoughts while exercising today. this is all pretty normal for my 30 minutes on the elliptical. it clears my head like nothing else & it's the hour & a half i need every week to keep me sane. i know for a fact that if i had not been able to exercise today, i would be losing it; i'd be 'that parent' others look at with horror as they yell at their child for a minor offense. thankfully, the elliptical & i got together today.


in other news: i seriously think millie is waving! i swear it. i know she's only 7 months old, but...she moves her hand up & down towards herself. she is so adorable.

& adeline is just as ornery as ever...i don't think a non-ornery kid could come from me, though. as a child, my nickname from my parents was 'feisty' so you figure it out.

boo hoo; weekend is over already.

we had a busy weekend! oh my. friday afternoon & evening was hair cuts for the girls, then off to costco to spend gobs of money. saturday we hosted "the gerwig family meal" so that entails cooking & cleaning & then the enjoying of family time. today wes held a beer brewing tutorial for my dad & two of my dad's friends while my mom, adeline, & the wives of the friends went to the mall...& totally shopped adeline out! it didn't help that saturday night was a live one: millie cried for two hours (3 -5 a.m.) & adeline vomited at 10:15, 11:20, & 11:45 p.m. & then was up crying/sick/miserable about 4 times throughout the night. oh are we tired...

adeline doesn't appear to be sick. it's just another one of those fluke vomiting nights. we have no idea why she does this & the pediatrician can't seem to figure it out either. so unless we want to subject her to lots of random tests we're stuck not knowing the why of her vomiting.

anyway, this is what adeline was wearing after a no-nap nap time the other day. she cracks me up...she has on a striped shirt, swimsuit top around her waist, (pair of inside out, backwards underwear), too small pants, then leg warmers pulled up over the bell bottomed pants.

my dad helping adeline show off her new easter hat. i was totally incapable of resisting this adorable splurge. it seriously sucked me in to a vortex & wouldn't let me out until i purchased it...a very cute $8.50, i must say. & my dad looks great in it!

adeline now showing off her new hat & sunglasses. i think i should have a countdown to the number of days it will take to lose these sunglasses. this is the first year i haven't bought the strap-on ones for her...letting go of control here.

adeline feeding chloe whipped cream on saturday night. i mean, she's sharing her favorite food in the world! what a girl! chloe didn't seem to understand why addy was so excited about it, but she ate it anyway.

zoe going down the slide! she was ECSTATIC about this slide. i seriously don't think i've ever heard happy shrieking this loud before...

addy finally giving in & eating her own whipped cream & fudge cake.

millie in her new sunhat. a-dor-a-ble.

it is futile that we saved all of addy's clothes. ya know, some of them work...but some don't. millie doesn't have the huge adeline head (or belly), so all of addy's infant/baby hats don't fit on millie yet. so millie gets her own new sun hats. (if you don't know this already: we are very much into sun protection around here...have you seen how pale our skin is?! thus the sun hats & sunglasses & if you ever see our diaper bag in the summer: tubes of 80+ sunblock. oh yes, we are protected here.)

of course, as with every minor life event, we have a video for yee blog readers & grandparents...amelia's first hair cut! i would have left the audio on b/c millie was doing lots of laughing & cooing...but then you also hear adeline screeching & whining b/c she didn't want her hair cut & then you would hear me saying stern things to the grumpy adeline.

& b/c we didn't blog at the time & i don't even know if her grandparents have seen this...here is addy's first hair cut video, done by wes just over two years ago. the woman cutting her hair was our neighbor, amy houck. she is an amazing woman with amazing hair cutting skillzzz. she has many stories of the gerbickians crazy hair problems...she actually mentioned before addy was born that we would have kids with, ahh, 'spirited' hair & how true that is. we miss the houcks! it just wasn't the same taking amelia to a salon to get her hair cut...nothing like going next door to get a wonderful cut & sometime even get prayed for. what a family. anyway, enjoy this one, too.
(NOTE: the movie is only about 6 minutes, don't know why it says 15...)

& last but not least, a quote from a historical figure that is MUY applicable to today:

"i believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies."
-thomas jefferson

i agree.

For the love of whipped cream...

So around Thanksgiving we bought a three pack of the spray whipped cream (Costco!) and quickly burned through two of them during the holidays. Then on the day Heidi took her grandma Hazel to the eye doctor, her grandma told Heidi to put whipped cream on Adeline's strawberries that she was eating at her uncle & aunt's house. So the next time Adeline had strawberries at our house, she insisted upon adding whipped cream, which we had that one left in the fridge, so we didn't think anything of it & let Adeline eat it with her strawberries.

That day began a love affair between Addy & whipped cream that continued until last week when it was finally empty. Some highlights included chicken nuggets and cream, peas and cream, pbj and cream, and on and on (there was even the gag-inducing mixture of ketchup & whipped cream on nuggets). There was whipped cream on just about every Addy plate for a long while. The love affair ended when the bottle was gone & we just said it like that; "it's gone Adeline, sorry" & then she proceeded to search the fridge & gave a very sad look. But she moved back to her ketchup love & all seemed great.

That leads to tonight when we went to Costco. We started by having the best 5 dollar family dinner money can buy at the food court and then went shopping. As we walked the aisles of the frozen foods most of our time was spent trying to keep Addy on track from running away, getting run over, or running into things like the very large red pole (oh yes, she did, smacked right into it with the side of her face). Until she spotted the whipped cream. The way she acted reminded of the greatest Christmas ever. There was clapping & jumping & shouting & jolly laughing & pointing & I think she was even drooling. Surprisingly we convinced her that we weren't going get the 3 pack of whipped cream but I wonder how long it will be before Addy's affair resumes....

rainy day blues

to start, this picture was taken yesterday. it is a bona-fide adeline marie outfit...she picked it all out. i hold up shirts until she chooses one. then i ask if she wants to wear a skirt or pants. she nods her head 'yes' to a skirt, so i showed her various skirts. she chooses one. then i ask if she wants to wear tights or leggins. she nods to tights. i show her the tights options & she chose these with hearts on them. wes & i commented that we never noticed the orange in the tights, but now that they are paired with the orange polka-dot top...the orange in the tights sort of pops out. our little fashionista! as you can see from her over dramatized smile, she is very proud of her outfit. the only problem was that she wanted to wear big girl undies & shortly after this outfit was put on, it had to be taken off b/c there was pee everywhere from a major accident. taking tights off that are soaked with pee is very nasty, indeed.

she wanted desperately to wear these shoes with the outfit...we appropriately call them her 'stripper shoes' but really they are simply her dress up shoes. that constantly fall off her feet, leaving her very frustrated. & mama frustrated... so i took a picture of her desired shoes instead & told her i would talk about them to everyone in the internet world.

this is how addy ends up most days during nap. she gets out of bed, tries on most of her clothes in her dresser, somehow ends up with, hopefully, something on her bottom (which is not much of a protection if she happens to pee while napping, or GASP, if she happens to poop while napping; sadly, this has happened several times & oh yuck yuck yuck). yesterday she found the bottoms to her bathing suit, turned them inside out, put them on, then attempted to put her jeans back on, backwards as well. then all this fun caused her to promptly fall asleep, half dressed, next to her door, on the floor. at least she sets up a nice nest with her pillow & stuffed animals.

& this is muscle-millie! she is standing on her own!

taken a few seconds before she lost her balance & smooshed her face into griswold's chair's legs, causing much sobbing & needed hugs & kisses.

& today...while i was putting millie down for a nap. i apparently forgot to latch the child-proof lazy susan that holds our cereal. so addy took advantage of my forgetfulness & poured herself a snack...in the salad spinner bowl (we keep it in 'her' cupboard, so she can pull random things out & play with them). what she didn't realize is that the salad spinner has holes in it...so there was a nice trail of cereal crumbs going from kitchen to living room. i guess that's why we invested in a wonderful vacuum, eh? (love love love the dyson). & this is a picture of addy watching veggie tales & eating out of her giantess cereal bowl.

& hhmm, what else? i have a list in my head of things i could be doing right now. here it is:

1. putting new recipes into my recipe folders
2. vacuuming
3. wiping floorboards & corners where YUCK has accumulated over the past 2 years
4. wiping slobber of dog & preschooler off windows

5. stretching my back (somehow i pulled a lower back muscle at the gym yesterday...major ouch)
6. internet shopping for a king size bed frame
7. explaining to adeline why she doesn't need such a large bowl for her snack...but i know that is pointless.

instead i am blogging! & i hear addy now pouring the rest of her snack onto the floor. wonderful. so i guess option 2 will happen now.

wait! i have to also mention that yesterday at the gym i did the "walk of shame" again. hhm, i guess i have failed to talk about the walk of shame before...it involves me at the gym, realizing i have failed to wear my gym shoes & what i have on my feet are slippers! seriously. thankfully the slippers i have on are crocs....thankfully. this is the 3rd time i have forgotten to wear gym shoes to the gym & instead have crocs on. the first time was while pregnant, so i didn't really care b/c i do such a low impact work out on the elliptical, i really didn't bother to be embarrassed. & who knows, maybe my feet were so swollen that my feet didn't fit into my gym shoes. the 2nd time was when i was on topamax...so that was again a great excuse...my brain wasn't properly functioning. but i was 'with it' enough to be slightly embarrassed...okay VERY embarrassed. i even asked them at the desk if it was okay that i worked out with only crocs on... the lady said, 'well, i've never been asked that before, let me call my boss'... DOI, seriously, you have to call your boss?! then i totally look like an idiot walking through the ellipticals & weights & treadmills...anyway, i thought to myself: don't do this again.
then yesterday was the 3rd time. i have no good excuse except i was desperately trying to get there just as the sprout's room was opening up at 8:45 so i could be done by 9:30 & home by 9:45 to get amelia in her crib by 10... i was in the locker room putting my bag in a locker & looked down & said aloud: "well, shit, i have forgotten my gym shoes again" & then every mom & grandma within 10 feet of me look at my feet & laugh hysterically. DOI, yes i felt like an idiot again. but the problem is that i can't go back & get the girls b/c i've already paid for the hour in the sprout's room (their day care)...so i just looked at the woman standing next to me & said 'well, i guess this is what i have to work with' & off i went to the elliptical.

i did a good work out for 30 minutes, then did yoga stretches instead of weights b/c--what if i dropped a weight on my feet?! so either the crocs or the yoga stretches that i haven't done in years made my back muscles hurt like nothing else i've ever felt before. it hurts to sit, hold millie, stand....everything hurts.

note to self: when going to the gym, remember your shoes! doi.

okay, not so mad anymore

now i just feel sorry for those women. moving on to another topic now...

adeline loves spaghetti. i think the more up to date lingo would be: adeline heart spaghetti. is that correct, all you pop culture know it alls? anyway, she will dig into a plate of spaghetti faster than anything else we offer her to eat. she doesn't look around, she doesn't interact...she just eats. & now she has discovered a love for the parmesan cheese atop of her spaghetti.

so tonight we had spaghetti & expected addy to be blissfully happy while eating it. wrong! her whiny-frustrated attitude carried right into dinner. *SIGH* i am running out of ideas on how to get this girl to stop the whining! so we are now sending her up to her bedroom with a cup of milk without her door closed. she will just lay on her bed, hugging her little bear & whimper & cry & kick the wall...

so she just cried & wanted more & more cheese on her spaghetti & then she attempted to eat cheese out of the container, which her daddy was not too keen on (i, being a cheese lover myself, understood a bit better) & that even more upset her.

anyway, i love watching addy eat spaghetti. i just love my little adeline in general. her laugh can melt my heart in a matter of seconds. milliseconds, maybe.

then there's millie...who LOVES peek a boo! wait, millie heart peek a boo. ;o) she will give out guttural laughs & squeals & giggles as she pulls the blanket off her face to find adeline or i in her face saying 'peek a boo'. ah, good times.

and it appears to be a fluke one time thing so far, but last week millie crawled backwards! i've been waiting to see it again, but it hasn't happened. i mean, this was an on all four's going backwards several legs moves. she's a champ, i tell ya.

wes is home with our dairy queen, i must go.

what really gets a heidi pissed off...

...are things like this: http://www.quiverfull.com/index.php & http://www.newsweek.com/id/44652?tid=relatedcl...check out their article on sterilization. here is a direct quote:

Joining the “Snipper Club” Bandwagon

This term, although offensive to some who have chosen sterilization, was nonetheless coined by those who are proud members and it has been circulating among Christian circles. Those who have not yet “joined the club” are often approached when they arrive at church with baby #2 or #3 and asked if they know what causes that and if they’ve gotten that “problem fixed” yet. But the men are not always to blame. We have witnessed two pastors in a very large, prosperous church ask their wives publicly if they could have another little one only to be adamantly told NO in front of the congregation. Could there possibly be a slight submission problem going on? But among both the men and the women, the harshest and most vocal critics of Christians who leave their childbearing up to God are other Christians who have been sterilized.

i think i have just hit the anger tipping point of no return when it comes to radical christians who say & do things like this in the name of jesus & use the bible to make women nothing more than the family breeder.

"could there possibly be a slight submission problem going on?" what the hell? seriously? yea, i think the husband asking his wife this in front of a congregation does imply that he fully doesn't grasp that her uterus is, uh, hers.

so if these women want to have 18 kids & counting, go for it! as long as they want to, ya know? this makes me sick to think about it going on in this country. anti-feminist movement... DOI! i'm going to explode. i know my pregnancies weren't the easiest & that may skew my perspective a bit...but if wes wants a 3rd baby, he has two options: surrogate mother/another woman or adoption. i do hope he chooses option 2, of course. but i don't see that as a submission issue at all! come on. i am just so angry after reading this....

anyway. we did have addy's appointment to talk about her speech & she has been referred to a speech therapist at children's hospital. they are also going to check her hearing, but since she follows commands & doesn't appear to have any ear problems, we think this is not the issue. apparently her problem is called "expressive speech delay". hopefully after a few months of speech therapy, she will quickly catch up...b/c she is a bright little socially adapted girlie.

& amelia is getting her 2nd tooth already! poor girl, i think she will be on motrin for the rest of this month.

okay, i just need to eat some ice cream or something to calm myself down.

we are still here!

i know we usually blog much more than this...but it's been a crazy week. i won't go into details. just imagine all of these elements combined: whiny preschooler, sick & teething baby, nicer weather, yumminy cookies, amazingly adorable preschooler, & house cleaning/sanitizing; that was our week. adeline tore down with gusto the last paper snowflake on the window on saturday. spring is officially here...but is it really here, in ohio? only time will tell.

adeline is ready to send me to the moon with her whining this week. i think it has a lot to do with her wanting to be outside & then not being able to express what she is thinking/wanting/needing/feeling b/c of her lack of vocab...we do have an appointment on tuesday with the pediatrician to talk about a possible speech delay. & if we find out she doesn't have one? no free preschool!

amelia now has her first tooth fully cut & is over about her 4th cold/sinus infection. she actually did pretty good considering she was going through both teething & a cold at the same time. but i have to say my arm & shoulder muscles have to be bulging from holding her so much...ouch ouch.

so, did this week really happen? i don't really remember.

but in this video i've made up of pics from the past week, there's a song: joy to the world. if soundtracks could really be playing while life or memories were going on, that song would be for the summer in between 8th & 9th grade...my BFF at the time, missy temple, & i were together probably at least once a week. we did some really odd & fun things that summer: rode rollerblades in 90 degree heat on a chip & tar road (creating a total mess on the rollerblades & that really pissed my sister off as one pair were hers); stayed up all night for the first time (maybe the last time?!) & fell asleep as the sun came up on the side porch at my house; drove her mom's car around her grandpa's YARD; rode a horse through woods behind her grandpa's house & then i fell off the horse; drove our volleyball coach's car in the high school parking lot; bandcamp sucked together; we both had long hair going down to our buttox that we liked to braid & then bead...on & on. missy's family moved out of the school district at the end of the year & i was very very sad & didn't have another close friend like that until my freshman year of college & i saw christine mcqueary walking across the indiana wesleyan university campus with her crazy ripped up jeans, crying her eyes out b/c her mom was leaving. anyway, this song was our (missy & i) song, we sang this song constantly for some reason. maybe b/c it annoyed her sister? that sounds very plausible. anyway, i hope that adeline & amelia find their best friends sooner than 8th grade & that it lasts longer than 2 years. (although i did have a bff in preschool, but then her family moved to north carolina). odd thing is that i ran into missy at wes' cousin's wedding last fall. some people never change & that's a very good thing.

a griswold story

sunday we took the girls & griswold for a walk & as we were making our way back to our house. we saw this woman a bike with a chocolate lab on a leash...wes & i both were thinking the same thing: looks like a tragic accident waiting to happen. or maybe this lab is more civilized than our griswold...
not so.
the woman starts to pull over (they were going very fast) & is trying to stop to let the dogs meet each other. instead of a graceful stop & dismount she is nearly thrown off the side of her bike b/c she's holding onto the leash & sort of just lands in the tree lawn. i had to bite my lip not to laugh but it was hilarious!
anyway, the dogs start to sniff & then griswold, who is obviously older does the dog bark & jump to seal his dominance. we quickly realize that this woman believes that dogs are basically human as she provides us with a brief conversation between the two dogs. again, i bite my lip not to laugh.
so then i off-handedly mention that griswold gets a bit protective of the girls & i moved the stroller with both girls a bit further away b/c the dogs were wrestling & playing, which is always exciting when they are both still on leashes. which was flabbergasting this woman...
about 30 seconds after i made the protective dog comment, her dog sort of takes an interest in adeline who was cheering the two on & makes a minor step towards her. bad decision doggy.
griswold lets outs a ferocious bark & his hair is standing on end & his teeth are showing & he starts lunging towards the dog, immediately pushing the dog to the ground (this dog was bigger than griz). wow! sometimes we are taken aback by how strong & protective he is. it warms my heart knowing wes & i aren't the only ones in this house who would die for the little ones...but it also brings a bit of fear knowing that he will attempt to take down anyone & anything who he feels is a threat to the girls.
like the next door neighbor's friend's dog who is sometimes visiting & jumps the fence...what will happen if adeline is outside playing with griswold & i'm in the house & this dog is suddenly in the yard with both griz & addy? hhmmmm...i do think that older dog will no longer be around after a few minutes. seriously; you just need to see griz in action.
this bike-riding-dog-owner was became very upset at griswold & said quickly & sternly 'we are going now.' & off she went, pulling her dog along. i understand that she doesn't want her dog to be threatened, but...a dog's kids are off limits, apparently! he even gets in between grandparents & regular visitors & the girls.


i'm not saying he's a threat to everyone; don't get me wrong. he is a very sweet & kind & gentle dog. just watch him allow adeline to wrestle him & take a stick out of his mouth & let amelia sit leaning against him. maybe think of it how a parent would react to a threat? i don't know. all i know is that he is a really good dog & after seeing this happen over & over, i would trust him with my safety. maybe he even knows how to call 911!!!

a continuation of body image

last week i met my friend at the westerville rec center & as i was waiting (i had worked out for a while & was already there, trying desperately to get millie to sleep. didn't work), while adeline played on the indoor playground & ate her snack at the same time...a talent she has well developed over the past 2 years since those wonderful gerber star snacks were introduced to her. anyway, another little girl, oh myabe 18 months old, was walking around trying to get another kid to offer her part of this girl's snack. this 18 month old girl's mama was following her around (she wasn't going far) & telling her she should not be hungry, it was not snack time, that she already had breakfast. it was nearly 11 o'clock! by then adeline was on her 2nd round of snacks :o)

this mom was having a little post gym class playdate with 2 other mamas. & these other mams kept allowing their kids to give this little girl a snack & the mama was getting a bit peeved that her daughter was hungry, as she sat & watched every other kid who was there & playing running back to their parent for a bite of their snack... it was the strangest thing. then the negative comments started coming from the mama: "she's such a porker. she only wants to eat, all day. she'll be spending time at the gym when she gets older. she's a mooch; don't give her food. look at her thighs!" this little 18 month old girl wasn't the scrawny toddler type, but...not many toddler are. anyway, we gerbickians know the 'sturdy' toddler type & love it. so what? adeline loves to eat all morning? they're growing! their brains are developing! by the way, adeline also has more energy than almost any other toddler girl i've met, so it is my definite thought that she needs this constant snacking. a hungry addy=very grumpy addy=grumpy everyone.

i could feel my face getting hot & red & my anger was building towards this mom who was starting her daughter on a straight path towards eating disorders & poor body image (let alone a poor relationship with her mom!). i just couldn't believe that the other moms she was there with weren't defending this little girl! instead, one of the moms even joined in making fun of this toddler & how chubby she was (not even close to how chubby addy was at 18 months!) & how she was mooching a snack & yes, she is a porker. i was about ready to say something along the lines of 'she is an adorable little girl, why are you making her feel bad about herself already?' & thus starting a mama fight...

then adeline seemed to pick up on the situation. seriously. kids just seem to be able to read people...better than most adults, it seems. adeline kindly takes a handful of her snack, something she loves & doesn't easily share with just anyone, & hands it to the other girl. & then she smiles at her & laughs & twirls around & the other girl is just all giggles. then the mom looks at me like 'do something! take the cracker away!' & i just said 'oh they're just trader joe's cat cookies. she'll love it, my daughter eats them all day some times!' which seemed to disarm her a bit & she smiled back & said 'i'm sorry she's taking her food' & i replied that 'adeline was wanting to share with her' etc etc.

my heart is just breaking for this little girl. i hope the mom maybe comes across this article:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/03/02/AR2009030201756.html

i dunno, just seems like there's other more important things to worry about than what your average size toddler girl snacks on & when she eats & how you treat her when she's merely hungry. i understand obesity in children is now a problem in this country...but there is a fine line between helping your children eat healthier foods & controlling what they eat to the extent that a parent/caregiver makes a wee toddler feel bad about his or her body & a natural need to snack.

*sigh*

on a completely different topic...amelia has adapted quickly & wonderfully to a schedule. i think it took all of, oh 2 days, for her to become a rigid 10 & 2 napper. *SIGH* how is it that the non-daily-structured parent stays at home with the very daily structured children while the daily-structured parent goes to work? :o) i'm just bemoaning the fact that as shown by millie last thursday at the rec center...she know only wants to sleep in the car going at high speed, or in a crib...confining me to this house again between the hours of 10-11:30 & then again at 2-3:30/4. at least spring is on the way to get addy & i outdoors while she's napping. this stage of an older baby is fun with all that she will be learning...but frustrating b/c i am at home nearly every day now until she drops her morning nap (if she follows in addy's footsteps, could be around the 1 year; so only 5 months of this...oh my).

also: i have taken down one paper snowflake from the window & today plan to take down another. ***remember*** slow is the key so as not to disturb the snow gods & goddesses from their slumber...ohio is well known for spring blizzards. just a year ago last week we had 20 inches of snow in one weekend! & in april 2 years ago, there was also a blizzard (the weekend of my sister in law's baby shower; i remember it well, we were visiting from boise & not very prepared for the snow & cold).

wes & i cleaned up & he chose to expand most flower & garden & herb beds last weekend. we have some return herbs, yea! & wes' hops are already sprouting...& many of his seeds have germinated & he is ever so excited. but he for sure over planted in case some don't survive...so we may have many many seedlings to get rid of soon. he is trying to figure out how to share this amazing & detailed excel spreadsheet he created for seeds & planting. seriously, it's totally geeked out. but i love my engineer, seed & garden excel spreadsheet & all.

what is it about weekends & illness?

so it just struck me as we were eating at our friend aaron & judy's house...we won't be able to go to church tomorrow. which sucks b/c we had mostly decided on going to 'the big vineyard', especially after reading this from a friend's blog.
http://www.vineyardcolumbus.org/about/what_we_believe/files/response_to_recession.asp
this was the church that brought me & jesus close, that served as the location for wes & i to meet & get married under. we were so sad to leave it when we moved to boise & searched for almost a year to find a semi close replacement. the vineyard in boise is pretty darn good...they actually were very progressive with being steward's of god's earth (okay, the pastor is sort of a cowboy, so think the cowboy way of saying 'go green & take care of the planet'). but we ended up at a smaller vineyard church, in meridian, idaho. anyway, long story short, after reading this it just struck me that this wonderful church (vcc) is just a short short drive away. it has many things we love. some we don't...but maybe it's okay.
but, we can't go this week due to adeline's illness. gosh darn it! ah well.

AND, what's up with all the don pablos in columbus vanishing? the replacement queso just isn't the same.

also...any ideas for a bachelorette party?? i'm scheduled to arrange one for a dear dear friend of mine within the next few months. really! any ideas?

our little tommy girl

we have been trying to get a good picture of amelia doing this face. we call it the 'tommy girl' or 'the chris' (as in chris farley). doesn't she look so much like chris farley with this face?! it's hysterical! this is her face that tells us 'i'm done eating' or 'i don't like that' or 'i like to poop & eat at the same time' or 'the wind is blowing from the north & that upsets me'... so we get the camera out to catch a snapshot of these moments. imagine me saying "b-b-b-BITE!" & doing a little airplane to her mouth & then this is her response. then i laugh, or if i'm getting frustrated b/c she's not eating, i will blow on her face, making 'the chris' go away & her mouth to open, giving me the perfect opportunity to sneak a bite in. anyway, we get the camera out to take some pictures & all she does is smile & coo & flap her arms & face like a chicken...already a camera ham? so i had to force the issue, meaning over feed millie, which takes a long time b/c she can down a lot of food already.
another shot of 'the chris' or 'tommy girl'

this is what she would normally look like; see, adorable! (but, yuck, green beans!)

& this is for adeline. she loves dora. loves, loves, loves. this is the dance at the end of the show, when they sing 'we did it, we did it' la la la...addy has begun imitating the dances & it's oh-MY-cute.

another sad turn of unfortunate events: adeline has a sinus infection, again. it just never ends. i really do think we are neck & neck with the brandts (little ms. emily's blog is on my list) for amount of $ spent at the pediatrician's. friday adeline actually fell asleep on her own, not in her bed. i was talking to my sister in law & we were jabbering about little girl toddlers & iud's & toddler swim lessons...& then adeline just sort of vanished & i finallly realized it & panic set in, so i quickly got off the phone & went on a search & clean mission (ya know, find where adeline is & clean up whatever mess she has created). it was eerily quiet. i finally find her on the couch, cuddling her little bear & asleep! this is seriously maybe the 2nd time she has ever fallen asleep without being put down in her bed! so i wasn't able to give her the round of antibiotics or motrin i had planned before her nap...she then woke up 3 hours later (yea!) with a 103.6 degree temperature! EGADS! this is not the first time she's spiked a fever this high so quickly, but it's still a bit frightening. by evening she was down around 100.5, so that was workable...poor girl. needless to say, the only way to get adeline to sit still & take it easy is to turn on dora. & with a high fever, she needs to just be chillin'. so she's watched quite a bit of dora!

plus, my friend holli came over for dinner last night & gave adeline a continuous spanish lesson all night. i fully expect adeline to speak spanish before english now.

the girls having fun on the couch. this was just after adeline was trying to pull & then, oh, maybe PLOP amelia up onto the couch from the floor. just another example of things i have seen that make my mama heart nearly leap out of my chest. amelia seems to think it's mostly enjoyable...okay, she is nearly constantly laughing when adeline is rolling & plopping her all over the place, but i know one day...it will go awry.

and...

...this is some GREAT morning millie hair! we are trying to find a day to get her hairs trimmed, when wes can come to witness the first hair cut, ya know. i was thinking this morning would work...but wes is hesitant about long waits (at a kid's hair cut place? nah!). i know it may seem silly to trim a baby's hair, but...after we trimmed adeline's hair at 5 months, it looked much better. i don't know if amelia's hair will respond the same way, though, as it seems to have so much VA-VOOMPH! i think she got the gerbick hair that likes to stick up...which means she will cost us a pretty penny at salons. *sigh* that's okay b/c addy found a postcard for stride rite shoes & she brought it over to me with the biggest smile & kept pointing to her feet. another *SIGH*. $$$$ i hate to tell her this, but i think her days of shopping at stride rite are quickly coming to an end, as her extra wide feet have now slimmed down to a medium sized foot meaning we can now fit her feet into shoes at places like target (& thrift stores!). when she enters the stride rite store, her eyes light up, she starts pointing at all the shoes she loves & oohs & aaaahhhs over them. already, she loves shoes. i'm trying to explain to her that shopping for jeans can be much more satisfying, but she has yet to understand my love of jeans.

what else? well, AMELIA IS GETTING A TOOTH! in the usual place (her mouth, lol), bottom right, & the left isn't far behind. we just noticed it at 3 a.m. the other night as she wouldn't stop waking up to cry for nearly 90 minutes. well, she would cry for 10 minutes, fall asleep, then wake up again to cry, repeat about 9 times. so we go to investigate & sure enough, there's the little tooth popping through. she's been doing pretty good with it. a perk of having chunky monkey babies is that she gets a larger dose of motrin! she has slept through the night 4 times this week! she wakes up to cry for a few minutes every once in awhile, but she is doing pretty good.

as for me, i feel so much better. i think on friday, i finally felt free of topamax. today i have not had any tingling or numbness. amazing! & i even have a pretty intense cold going on...but i still feel 10 times better than being on topamax (maybe 100 times better?).

a quick post...

...while millie is in her jumperoo doing her business (pooing, to be more blunt, sorry).

i had another eye doc appointment today. this was just an appointment to see if the new contact lenses were fitting on my eyeball correctly. i sat in the waiting for 30 minutes before the nurse came out & asked if i minded if another eye doc saw me b/c the new eye doc was busy. sure, no problem. but this other eye doc had a student with her, who sort of took a long time...anyway, the appointment took an hour & a half. phew, but it's over.

so i get home, yea! i'm hungry & wes has to leave immediately to get back to work. millie needs a bottle, adeline is hungry again. the daily grind. i feel like crap-ola from the meds & the cold. so i feed millie & then i start playing with addy & i actually have some tissue shoved up my nostrils. something i learned from a family member (i won't say who to save face for that person, i know i am a fairly open person, but this other may not be...). anyway, this is a neat trick to help stop the flow of snot without making your nose raw. try it! it works! but it looks very very odd. so i'm all jittery & i've forgotten to eat & addy is all crabby & millie has spit up all over b/c she just had a bottle & the door bell rings. oh crap! pull the nose stoppers out (thankfully i remembered they were in!!!) & put the baby on the hip & let the toddler hang behind me.

it was a lady from the church we visited on sunday. they are giving us a loaf of 'great harvest' bread, thanking us for visiting their church & hoping we are having a good day & that god is thinking of us. i am already crying as i am typing this. b/c it hit me that god is still thinking of me when i'm having a really shitty shitty month & winter & i feel like he doesn't really care that i'm missing lunch & i don't even know it. so here's this loaf of bread that's still warm & this lady with a nice smile. i didn't have the heart to tell her that we are totally not interested in her church (they have "special music"! egads...). last week when i was freaking out on topamax, um, which was all week & even today, i told my sister that it felt like god didn't even care that i was going through all of this & having a terrible winter & basically ignoring my kids most of the day b/c i'm so out of it. i think i even threw in a 'fuck you god' or two... (sorry, i don't think there are any kids or severely sensitive to cuss words folks reading my blog; really, i think it's pretty much just my close friends & family! lol)...anyway, pretty harsh words for god in general. ( for those who may not know, my sis is sort a pastor, so she knows how to handle this stuff, thankfully again). anyway, this is how god repays my harsh words: with a loaf of bread when i'm very hungry...so, uh...thanks god. humbled again.

i just wanted to share this with all the blog readers b/c i for sure know it's easy to assume god doesn't care. apparently he does.

off topamax

i'm off of it. my last dose was yesterday at 8:30 a.m. & i feel like i am vibrating. i talked to my mom & a friend (holli) last night & i think they were both a bit taken aback by how chatty & odd i was acting & wow do i feel weird! but i'm still feeling all numb & tingly & all that jazz. if you want to talk, just call me, i will jabber on for hours. really! but more great news is that i suddenly have this terrible sinus cold. seriously, i'm just laughing about getting sick anymore. it's laughable. wes heard on npr the other day that researchers are finding that some genes are more prone to getting all the little bugs & have lower immunities. i think i should enter this study... i am not about to take cold medicine with topamax in my system, though...i don't want to be streaking through the neighborhood or anything jabbering on & on about dreams i'm having (topamax causes some crazy dreams as well). moving on...

in case you're not already thinking this: if adeline won't learn to talk within the next few days, it's not for lack of me trying ;o) i'm a blabbering fool right now.

by the way, amelia is sleeping very well at night now. she's only crying for at the most 10 minute stretches at night (more during nap times if she so chooses, what a little stinker for her mama). she even slept totally through the night on monday, 10 straight hours! we all gave her a high five in the morning. so apparently our kids just need more of that durn structure in their sleep patterns. silly me with my random daily routines. what kind of a mama am i?!

also, any thoughts or helpful ways to get your older child to share their toys with the younger child? amelia is starting to investigate adeline's toys...legos, puzzle pieces, books, etc. all things that addy cherishes & doesn't want to share. she will absolutely go into a time out instead of sharing. (that would be twice already this morning). it's driving me crazy! one of the few words addy knows is 'MINE!' why can't it be 'thank you' or 'please'? ya know?! she even gave millie a little shove today when millie got too close to her prized alphabet puzzle pieces (that addy had swept into a pile as far away as possible from amelia...but millie is now very mobile with her little moves & turns & army crawling, so what millie wants, millie gets & adeline was oh, very mad). anyway, any ideas would be very much appreciated!

i think i am going to start taking the paper snowflake cut outs down from the window, one by one, so as not to anger or disturb the snow gods & goddesses...lol. i'm hoping by the time they are all down, spring will have sprung. the tulips in our front flower bed are nearly a foot tall already! i fear for their lives, but...they are brave little ones. i think they will make it to bloom!

the problem is...

...lack of structure. that's what i've been mulling over the past few days about many aspects of the heidi & wes gerbickians. & now that we have millie on this cry-it-out stuff, it is forcing some structure on us. which is good. the same thing happened with adeline & the cry it out. i'm just not a structured person naturally (wes is more than i). what is lacking structure? the girls' daily routine. my daily routine. even how we have decorated our house & write blog posts about anything & everything...

but i will never get to it. we will have the usual 10 & 2 nap times that will be malleable by about 45 minutes either way & by location (car seat, another crib or bed, etc), but we will never have a set routine of 8:30 is art time, 9:30 is reading, etc. i do know that when i'm putting millie down for a nap, that's 'dora the explorer' time for adeline! lol! & i think that's okay with me. i hope it's okay with the blog readers that i go everywhere with this blog.

& of going everywhere...adeline stepped in a fresh pile of dog crap today for the first time. it was a huge pile right by the slide & i just had a stick to shove it away from the path from the ladder & slide & then *squish* & she just sort of looked down with a very quizzical look on her face. we just brushed it off with a leaf & she just kept saying 'bad dog' & i tried to explain that this yard is, for better or worse, griswold's potty...& he's not a bad dog for using it. if this was inside & she stepped in a pile of dog crap, now that would be a time to use a 'bad dog'!

another use of no structure:
i had an appointment with the optical neurologist today. they decided to just make me an appointment instead of relaying messages apparently. apparently! anyway....a whole slew of events took place including me being taken off of topamax, & having a needle with a neon yellow substance put in my veins to see where it went in my optic nerve through this crazy camera lense, while the iv needle was in my arm. i am a bit whoozy around needles & she stuck me 3 times, so i put on my brave face, lol. as dora would sing: 'we did it! we did it! we did it! yea! vamanos doctor (sp?) [holli, i need help here!]. but good news resulted from these needle pricks: the optic nerve problem is called neuritis & it's just b/c i'm from german decent. those damn germans. i'm actually not all that much from german decent... i have scottish & english (i believe). & irish. anyway, what do germans do with their optic nerves? is this expected? well, my pupils had to be dilated to do this procedure...immensely dilated, more than usual, which i didn't realize was possible b/c when he asked if it was okay, i was like 'yea, sure' thinking this has been done to me before...oh no. i couldn't make out the outline of my hand in front of me! it was craziness! what was even more crazy is that i drove home like this. doi!

now i'm home & very tired & awaiting a call back from that infamous holli who is hooking us up with half a steer & who i just want to chat with & who is hopefully coming over for din din this week to hang out with the gerbickians!

in case you are wondering, missing a topamax dose is making me LOOPY & TALKATIVE.

2 blog posts in one day...

...means i am avoiding doing something else. such as getting very pissy at a certain dr katz' office. hint hint. (they still haven't called back). i was even feeling like i should apologize to the receptionist (kathleen) for asking her with a tone: " why aren't you giving me a straight answer here? when i should expect a return call from dr katz' assistant?" (i hope it isn't the dude who forgot his optical 'thingy' last week, lol). anyway, i should probably still give the receptionist an apology; it's really not her fault that the office is run the way it is (or is it? hhmm....). wes & i have decided that if i don't get a call back today, i will seek a 2nd opinion with the original optical neurologist that my eye doc wanted me to see (the one who was on a wonderful vacation when all this originally went down a few weeks ago).

i'm sure this all info many of you don't really want to know. so here are some pictures to make you smile instead!

amelia enjoying a meal outside on sunday (or was it saturday??)

adeline investigating the pictures i am taking; hence, the close up.

millie trying to get her legs to work.

she rolled on over to addy's toys, which meant adeline had to control the situation by giving millie only the legos that she felt millie was worthy enough to play with...or something like that. addy has a tough time sharing, but this was a move in the right direction b/c at least she was letting her play with any of them!

monday is halfway over!

oh yea. did i mention yet how wonderfully ecstatic adeline is to play outside? she becomes exuberant when we ask if she wants to go outside. it's so great to see. we love that she loves it...her & griswold, just hanging out, exploring the known & unknown of our yard. then she chases him all around with her pink rider & he pretends to not like it but even in his doggyness, you can tell he loves it. we even have maybe tulips (or crocuses??) coming up! yea, yea, yea! viva la spring!

one of these days i'll post another picture or two

last night went fairly well. i'm not stupid enough to say that tonight or all nights will go this well, but...amelia only woke up once at 2 & cried for 10 minutes. it included the usual baby cries: where are you my parents? i'm still crying; can't you hear me? okay, really getting pissed in here. very pissed off! i'm desperate! very sad & i'm so sad i'm sticking my legs & arms through the railings in desperation! oh sh*tballs (a word i learned from aunt kristi, thank you very much), i'm stuck in the railing, please come get me! now you've done it mama & daddy, my life is over; i can see the angels coming to get me now...

then suddenly she fell asleep. wes & i didn't wait for her to wake up again. i threw the pillow over my head & was asleep quickly & i'm guessing wes was also. but we were both very awake & sad during those 10 minutes. thens he woke up again around 5, wes fed her a 7 ounce bottle, she was asleep within 30 minutes & then woke up at 7:45! yipee!!!

as i type she's now passing the 10 minutes of last night & crying her way through a no naptime. 21 minutes & counting. usually she has no problem falling asleep when i put her in the crib awake. who knows why she's choosing today to throw a crying fit. b/c she can, i guess.

i'm just waiting for adeline to decide to disrupt her playroom playing & check on her sister which would abruptly end the no nap naptime...for those who don't know the gerbick style of cry it out, for nap times, 40 minutes is the crying topper. then it's just a nap failure. she has now reached a cry crescendo. poor girl! i just want to go grab her & coddle her, but that would really screw the entire situation.

anyway. totally changing the subject. the optical neuro-blah blah office staff called me back this morning, 2 days after the call (i know it was the weekend, but they told me to call them on the weekend, so... i did). yes, the staff. anyway. they want me to go down to one 50 mg a day & say that all my side effects are totally normal, as all topamax websites will tell you, but it's totally different when it's your life & your brain. as i will tell you! so i'm just waiting a few more minutes to call back & ask to speak with someone who isn't relaying what i'm saying to someone else who will then relay what they're saying to me. so i can cool down before i say "tell whomever you're talking to this: "screw yourself" or something to that effect b/c already i have adjusted to this medication & can tell within 10 minutes when i'm due for a dose, so just not taking a dose will totally jack me up even worse! so, what am i supposed to do! then they say, 'call back in anther week if you're still experiencing symptoms'...when am i supposed to stop experiencing these normal symptoms? why can't i talk to a nurse? dah! it's hard to explain how difficult it is to function daily on this medication AND have migraines (b/c the meds don't take effect for 4-5 weeks & the side effects don't go away for 1-4 weeks). blah blah blah...i'll stop now & just call the people who i should be talking to about this. you should probably feel for them about now.

a decision has been reached

...about the whether or not to let ms. amelia cry it out. we will. last night sealed the deal. she was up for about 2 hours straight. silly one about drove her parents batty. so tonight i mourned with her, although she had no clue we were mourning, of course. i got my snuggles in extra long...we sang an extra song. when i put her down (awake) in the crib, i wanted to desperately to pick her up & just rock her in the crib until she was snuggled on me asleep. but that's NOT how i feel at midnight 1, 2, 3, 5 & 6 a.m. soooo... cry it out it is. & the gerbicks to the hard core cry it out, not any of that 'sissy' ferberizing stuff, lol, wink wink. once we put her in the crib, she's there until at least 5 a.m. (unless she is stuck in the crib or hurt or has totally vomited all over herself or crapped all over herself or peed all over herself. those constitute a baby from the crib removal).

thinking back...the time when adeline went through cry it out. she was barely 5 1/2 months old, a youngin' for this method. but i was beyond exhausted. i was breastfeeding & she refused a bottle & refused any type of solids & was nursing every 3 hours around the clock. did i mention i was exhausted?! so our pediatrician in boise, dr beauchaine, who we adored (i secretly called her dr beautiful b/c her name sort of is spelled like beautiful & b/c she always helped us out & was so kind & amazing & yes, she had a very beautiful spirit) anyway, our pediatrician seriously took one look at how pitiful i looked & started writing out this plan in steps with numbers beside them. you know #1 give baby a bath at 7:30 #2 feed baby #3 read a book & sing a lullaby #4 so on & so forth telling us how to do this extreme but very successful cry it out method. we followed it to the tee. adeline cried for i believe over two hours the first night straight, then a few hours later she cried for about half an hour, then i was allowed to feed her at 2 a.m. or something like that. anyway, i soaked in our large wonderful tub icing my engorging breastfeeding gazungas (spelling error there, i'm sure) b/c every cry addy gave, my milk let down even more... oh my, that memory seems to nearly give way to a let down reflex.

anyway, i'm anticipating a terrible night sans a wonderful soaker tub & luckily i won't experience the engorgement (well, that happened about 4 months ago). sometimes i think that if i close my eyes & click my heels together 3 times & say "there's no place like home, there's no place like home there's no place like home" & then open my eyes, *POOF* i will find myself again in my bed, in our home in boise.

anyway, what i find the hardest about all this cry it out stuff, is that i sort of think maybe adeline's severe independence is partially from the fact that we did this cry it out stuff at such a young age. i'm not sure if this is just a case of mother's guilt or if it has a nugget of truth to it. but a true nugget of truth is that after 4 days of crying, adeline was a champ sleeper. she didn't sleep through the night until about 8 or 9 months or maybe even longer, i really don't know & that wasn't expected of her & that's not even what we expect of amelia (we're wanting her to sleep until around 4:30), we just don't think this getting up & staying awake for hours is realistic & healthy. ya know, for anyone in the family. anyway, that was a load of a paragraph, i don't want to damage our kids by doing this, but i don't want to damage their sleep habits by not doing this. we haven't had a problem with adeline's sleeping since we did the cry it out with her. so why are we so hesitant with amelia? b/c she's the youngest? b/c she's a bit more reserved? b/c of her reflux? hhhmmm?

by the way, comments are appreciated. but i have to warn you...if you leave a snide remark, this medication i'm on does have a side effect of severe anger mood swings... egads, was that a threat?

another well baby appt update!

amelia, as you may already know, is just over 6 months old...& is a whopping 17.8 pounds! somehow she's only in the 75%. she's 25 3/4 inches (50%) & her head's in the 50% also. that was a shout out for all those grandparents & aunts & uncles out there who like to read all that stuff ;o)

what other news do we have from our wonderful appointment with the infamous dr. mahoney? well, we are to start 'tough love' for her bedtime sleeping now. she should be sleeping 10 hours without waking up now & well, she doesn't for sure. & we are exhausted. we are tired of getting up at least 5 to 6 times at night, sometimes for an hour a time. even though we split the night between the both of us (except this week b/c of my meds, which make me totally out of it at night, wes has been doing most of this week's nights. i tried to get up this week once & i think i didn't quite make it into the correct bedroom)...so, it may be time for the dreaded cry-it-out. part of me hoped she would say it wasn't a good idea with amelia b/c of her reflux problem, but not so. i think we are going to wait until the 'yuck' from the vaccines wear off & then give the crying it out a go. wish us luck. or better yet, wish amelia luck. poor girl. i know i will be crying right along with her...but we need to sleep, ya know?! but wes & i aren't sure if we're ready to do this or not. we both have reservations so far...it just seems half the time she is so close to sleeping at night; sometimes she just needs a pat on the bum & she's back asleep. other times she's awake for an hour or more...those are the times that are bad...other times she's awake every 2 hours & that will go on for 3-5 weeks at a time. the problem is that she's not consistent with her sleep schedule & it's very utterly frustrating! anyway...we will keep you posted.

hhmm, millie also has a yeast infection under her chin! yes, under her chin, in 3 places. how gross, eh? so we're going to slick her up with lotrimin a few times a day & hopefully they will go away soon. anyway, the ped seems to think millie is very advanced with her gross motor skills. of course. we know she's so very advanced. !!!! the funny thing is that she is exactly the opposite of what adeline was at this age regarding what they excel in. adeline could barely roll at this age & millie is rolling around all over the place & is nearly crawling & trying to pull herself up. millie isn't even trying to hold a bottle but adeline was holding & drinking from a sippy cup already & had the pincer grasp down solid. funny kids.

the thing about pediatricians is that they get paid to be attentive to our kids. it's kind of enjoyable in a sick sort of way. we go there & dr mahoney knows that adeline will fall off the table (she sarcastically commented about adeline: 'ah, she's the graceful one, right?' for sure!) & that she loves to eat & that millie loves to investigate everything & is a bit shy & that adeline is protective of her sister ...etc etc etc. i actually had a point with this line of thought somewhere but i have totally forgotten it! wow. it's gone.

yes, i'm still on this wonderful topamax medication. for at least 6 more weeks & i'm still loopy & sleeping at least 11 hours at night & getting crazy numbness & pins & needles all over my body & forgetting words & phrases & how to spell things & slight confusion & on & on...really, it's a bit freaky what it does...i called the optical neurologists' office a few days ago & asked about the side effects & the receptionist answered my question...without even checking with the dr. hhmm, i do know that working in an office for a long time can make anyone a specialist in that line of work. but this is my brain. i am quite partial to it...i would like to keep it around for another 50 years or so & i'm not into the business of zapping it to smithereens with topamax side effects! so i called again today & didn't exactly list off all the side effects i'm experiencing (18 total!) but i did start to give my phone number & then totally couldn't remember my phone number. so case in point: forgetfulness is one of the problems i am experiencing with this damn medication you have me on. please call me back dr. katz.

anyway, millie did great getting her shots yesterday! she actually laughed after the first shot! LAUGHED. i was so confused! i know the nurse who was the shot giver was excellent, but come on...i have a very high pain tolerance, but i absolutely can't get close to a needle without nearly passing out, so i don't know where this tolerance of needles comes from (well, obviously from wes!). apparently, adeline & amelia have taken my high pain tolerance & wes' needle tolerance & now have this amazing ability to withstand near torture...lets hope they don't decide to join the cia or military... anyway, that was quite a tangent. the 2nd shot did the usual trick. poor girl. thankfully there were only 2. (there was 1 oral vaccine, yea for the oral vaccine! i was very smart & had part of a bottle ready & b/c millie is used to taking her zantac/reflux medicine on the side of her mouth & bottle, we gave her the oral vaccine that way also...smooth sailing & smart mama. pat me on the back, oh yes).

as i type, wes is getting some seeds planted (onions & maybe carrots?) & he is oh so very excited about the whole situation. i am also, but first i am more excited about the thought of my fingers not tingling when we plant these seedling in the ground in a month or more. ah, normal body functions would be lovely. i also would like to see about 100 piles of dog crap picked up from our yard. my goodness, i think the breeze blowing in from our backyard even smells like dog crap! yuck yuck yuck!!!

sister camaraderie

already i see it in the two girls: sister camaraderie. this morning, i call the optical neurologist's office to ask if all these side effects are normal. (they are). & then they tell me to wait until after friday & if i'm still having the side effects, to call again. so i'm pissed already & it's 8:30 a.m., before coffee, right?! they really expect me to live with these weird side effects for the rest of the week? for instance: yesterday i honestly couldn't figure out if i had to feed amelia a bottle or baby food or even how to feed her. i just literally couldn't figure it out. i was on the verge of tears! then i randomly get pins & needles in my arms, feet, hands, face. also, i if i just closed my eyes & laid down, i would fall asleep immediately. & i'm supposed to be like this until friday?!

so i had just gotten this news & was a bit pissy to say the least & adeline wanted a snack. yes, it was still 8:30 a.m. & adeline already wanted a snack! so i told adeline to wait awhile. she waited 1 minute. smart aleck. then she brought the honey bunches of oats box over (her favorite snack) so i obliged this time & poured it into a little bowl. but apparently she wanted the snack triffecta, as we call it, which includes a little bit of all the snacks the we own. i wasn't in the mood to mix them all, so i said, 'no you're fine'. she flipped out; i snapped! i jumped around & proclaimed that if she doesn't want this snack she won't get any snack at all...which really upset her, let me tell ya.... then i said something along the lines of, 'stop acting as if the world owes you the snack of a princess' ... SERIOUSLY. what was i thinking? am i 4 years old? anyway, she apparently understood this b/c she started sobbing. she then does this weird flailing herself around the house thing, throwing herself on the couch & sobbing, then onto the floor & sobbing & so on. this entire time amelia is sitting in her bumbo on the floor watching this entire soap opera unfold. finally adeline notices amelia & sits right next to her & starts babbling away, flingling her arms around expressing herself & crying & even pointing to me! millie even looks at me while adeline is babbling, with this look of shock & horror, as if responding to adeline's accusations of what a terrible mom i am! oh my, what a time it is with two girls. i can see the dramas already.

that was all of 30 minutes ago & now adeline is happily watching a dora movie. the one she didn't want to watch, but i made her. but now she's happily watching it. it's the dancing one; the one that's 46 minutes long, not 23 minutes like the one she likes. amelia is also watching it with her right now. i just need to finish a cup of coffee while i wait for the weird topamax side effects to start. *SIGH* wait, we just took a breather to march like the marching ants in the movie...