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this morning was a bad one. the kind of day a mama (or daddy) can predict even before you get out of bed. as i lay in bed at 7 a.m. i could already hear adeline throwing a tantrum downstairs as wes tried to give her breakfast & then i also heard amelia crying her little baby whine. *sigh* it's going to be a long day, i said to myself. i then spent about 20 minutes cleaning our bedroom (b/c someone is coming over tonight to look at the bedroom set we are selling on craigslist.org which is a boy's bedroom set from wes' grandpa gerbick & yea, we have girls, so...sell it is). anyway, the dresser is in our bedroom, so a stranger will be in my bedroom! yikes. time to clean like mad. i mean, our bedroom is the ugliest room in the house by far.
anyway, tuesday & thursdays are my gym days. we HAVE to be out of the door by 8:35 for various reasons (the most important being getting amelia home in time for her nap). so adeline goes about throwing tantrums all morning & after arguing with wes since 6:45 about what she was going to have for breakfast...well, mama gave her the ultimatum in a very loud voice "you WILL eat your oatmeal at the table, right NOW" & off she went, crying. but, she wet to the table, right. so then wes consoles her b/c i was so stern with her & she pouted & that made me a bit angry that wes was playing the 'good parent/bad parent' (without realizing it, i believe, to his defense). then wes & i get into an argument.
bad day it is.
we made it to the gym, a little late, but we made it (& i remembered to wear my gym shoes). adeline for the first time in her life doesn't want to go into the gym day care. she is crying, clinging to me, hiding behind the door, etc etc. she has never done this there! but i still drop her off & make my way to the locker room & the locker i have chosen is jammed. so i find another. on & on my bad day continues like this.
low & behold, the new times magazine is still available & i snag it to read while elliptisizing (yes, i believe that's my own word). i begin to read the cover story & i really like it. i can feel my stress level going lower & lower & lower. i actually start to think about things other than my kids & their quirks & routines & cuteness.
i think about my college professor, dr. ross. oh, how i loved dr. ross! he was maybe in his early 60's. he marched with dr. martin luther king jr. several times. he had great stories & life experiences & he just inspired something in me. most of the class members (all social work students, as it was a social work class) didn't like him b/c all he did was tell stories & bring in current news to debate & discuss. he hardly ever lectured, but when he did it was somehow also inspiring (he tested from the book which means we actually had to read the book, which i also liked). anyway. dr. ross let me take 2 1/2 weeks off without a grade cut for my wedding & honeymoon...he also gave me the names & phone numbers & addresses of all the senators & representatives in ohio when my brother was suddenly not able to come home from iraq on leave to attend my wedding (well, i was sobbing my eyes out the entire class & he asked me to stay after to talk with him... & he was just so wonderful, really. he was so stinkin' mad about the situation with me, but didn't bash the military or the war, which is unusual for someone in his position...i tell ya, he was a great professor). he inspired me in ways that no other professor ever has or did. not just in social work, but to speak out about current issues, to have an articulate opinion about social problems.
then i thought about things i have given up to be a stay at home mom. i think the giving up part of me started even before i was a mom...wes & i agreed before we were married that we both wanted a stay at home parent, namely ME (although days like today i think wes would be the more patient parent to choose for this job). my friend, holli reminded me of this a few weeks ago; i had completely forgotten about it! right after wes & i were married, marlene nathan (the wife of the vineyard of columbus' pastor & she was also the new women's pastor) asked me to sit in on a brainstorming meeting for the direction of the women's ministry. when they all found out i was newly married, it was suggested that i take a year off before becoming part of the 'leadership' in the women's ministry to focus on the grime of the first year of marriage. well, wes & i then moved to boise a few months later & that was all forgotten about. basically, it was an honor to even be chosen by marlene... so that was the first thing i gave up.
the 2nd is the career. i was asked by my boss to head up a new program in a school district that had just decided to start a 'therapeutic learning classroom' in their elementary, middle, & high schools. i had only been working with this program for 8 months & i didn't even apply for this position & 6 other co-workers did. & instead they asked me...& i turned them down b/c wes & i were planning on (me) getting pregnant within a year (it was--shock!--6 months later that i was pregnant). instead, i was in charge of the high school program for the upcoming school year. my point is: i did give up a career to stay at home. of course, i can work again whenever i choose to; wes isn't forcing me to stay home in any way. & it was just a few months ago that i made the final decision to stay at home at least until amelia is in elementary school. & i'm okay with that. but it's important for me to remember that i was really good at what i did & i have to mourn that loss. b/c i (mostly) enjoy staying home with the girls. it's fun & it gives me joy to see them growing up & changing. social work would never give me this much joy, i can tell you that for sure! hhmm, but i think the stress level is eerily similar...
then i thought about the economic situation right now. when wes & i moved back to columbus we looked at, oh geez, probably 40 houses? we chose to buy a house that we could totally afford, not using the 'buy what your salary/income will be in 5 years' theory. & turns out we ended up with a house that was totally not updated (it was built in 1974). but it had potential & a fenced in back yard & it was on the lower end of our price range. we have done a lot of work to this house, mostly painting & putting new light fixtures in & tearing out some not-so-retro 1970's home features. our improvements included painting the kitchen cabinets & putting new hardware on the cabinet doors & a new home depot off-the-shelves countertop & sink. i'm pretty lucky that wes is so amazingly handy around the house & with tools. anyway, we didn't replace the cabinets, although they are nearly falling apart in some places. we didn't replace flooring although the tile is white & hideous & the carpet is stained & just plain ugly...all b/c we don't have the cash for it.
i remember one of my friends came over & she just couldn't believe that we didn't just replace the cabinets & flooring & put all of it on credit cards or a 2nd mortgage. when we replied that we like to buy things we actually have the cash for...really, she just couldn't understand why we felt the need to buy things with cash when credit was so easily available & the cabinets & flooring were so ugly.
that line of thinking is part of the 'why' of the current economic problems, at least in my opinion. yes, credit is readily available & we do have excellent credit. but it's credit! it's not cash & no matter how you play it, credit = debt...& living outside of your means, your income. again, i'm lucky to be married to a man who thinks this way also b/c right now we're doing pretty good compared to other families that have maxed themselves out on credit. & i know lots of other families who live the same way we do & i know we're not the golden stars among everyone (meaning, the only ones who are doing it 'the right way, according to us'). it's almost humorous to me to hear economists say that people should save a certain amount & not be so extended on credit...yes, HELLO?! but some people have been taught that having the beautiful home full of the best of the best is what will make you happy. or the brand new car or whatever it is that's desirable. (of course, i'm not saying that having these things is wrong...i guess only if you can truly afford them???). so there was that line of thought while exercising.
anyway, then i thought about how i want to get involved with something...maybe the food pantry at the vineyard of columbus (where we have decided to go now! i'm so glad the church decision is over). just get involved with something more than my kids; something social-change minded. b/c that's me, i am pre-wired to have a social/cultural awareness & desire to help others in need. it's just in me & i can't change that. the past few years have been taxing on me partly b/c there's been so much going on (baby, moving cross country, fixing up our house, then pregnant & baby again with a toddler, then sick most of the winter, etc etc) that i haven't had time to focus on the outside world. but i'm beyond ready now....it's just a matter of convincing my kids to be tame enough to let me do this & find a great day time & evening babysitter for some mama-alone time (& date night! wes & i NEED date night).
okay, those are my thoughts while exercising today. this is all pretty normal for my 30 minutes on the elliptical. it clears my head like nothing else & it's the hour & a half i need every week to keep me sane. i know for a fact that if i had not been able to exercise today, i would be losing it; i'd be 'that parent' others look at with horror as they yell at their child for a minor offense. thankfully, the elliptical & i got together today.
in other news: i seriously think millie is waving! i swear it. i know she's only 7 months old, but...she moves her hand up & down towards herself. she is so adorable.
& adeline is just as ornery as ever...i don't think a non-ornery kid could come from me, though. as a child, my nickname from my parents was 'feisty' so you figure it out.
anyway, tuesday & thursdays are my gym days. we HAVE to be out of the door by 8:35 for various reasons (the most important being getting amelia home in time for her nap). so adeline goes about throwing tantrums all morning & after arguing with wes since 6:45 about what she was going to have for breakfast...well, mama gave her the ultimatum in a very loud voice "you WILL eat your oatmeal at the table, right NOW" & off she went, crying. but, she wet to the table, right. so then wes consoles her b/c i was so stern with her & she pouted & that made me a bit angry that wes was playing the 'good parent/bad parent' (without realizing it, i believe, to his defense). then wes & i get into an argument.
bad day it is.
we made it to the gym, a little late, but we made it (& i remembered to wear my gym shoes). adeline for the first time in her life doesn't want to go into the gym day care. she is crying, clinging to me, hiding behind the door, etc etc. she has never done this there! but i still drop her off & make my way to the locker room & the locker i have chosen is jammed. so i find another. on & on my bad day continues like this.
low & behold, the new times magazine is still available & i snag it to read while elliptisizing (yes, i believe that's my own word). i begin to read the cover story & i really like it. i can feel my stress level going lower & lower & lower. i actually start to think about things other than my kids & their quirks & routines & cuteness.
i think about my college professor, dr. ross. oh, how i loved dr. ross! he was maybe in his early 60's. he marched with dr. martin luther king jr. several times. he had great stories & life experiences & he just inspired something in me. most of the class members (all social work students, as it was a social work class) didn't like him b/c all he did was tell stories & bring in current news to debate & discuss. he hardly ever lectured, but when he did it was somehow also inspiring (he tested from the book which means we actually had to read the book, which i also liked). anyway. dr. ross let me take 2 1/2 weeks off without a grade cut for my wedding & honeymoon...he also gave me the names & phone numbers & addresses of all the senators & representatives in ohio when my brother was suddenly not able to come home from iraq on leave to attend my wedding (well, i was sobbing my eyes out the entire class & he asked me to stay after to talk with him... & he was just so wonderful, really. he was so stinkin' mad about the situation with me, but didn't bash the military or the war, which is unusual for someone in his position...i tell ya, he was a great professor). he inspired me in ways that no other professor ever has or did. not just in social work, but to speak out about current issues, to have an articulate opinion about social problems.
then i thought about things i have given up to be a stay at home mom. i think the giving up part of me started even before i was a mom...wes & i agreed before we were married that we both wanted a stay at home parent, namely ME (although days like today i think wes would be the more patient parent to choose for this job). my friend, holli reminded me of this a few weeks ago; i had completely forgotten about it! right after wes & i were married, marlene nathan (the wife of the vineyard of columbus' pastor & she was also the new women's pastor) asked me to sit in on a brainstorming meeting for the direction of the women's ministry. when they all found out i was newly married, it was suggested that i take a year off before becoming part of the 'leadership' in the women's ministry to focus on the grime of the first year of marriage. well, wes & i then moved to boise a few months later & that was all forgotten about. basically, it was an honor to even be chosen by marlene... so that was the first thing i gave up.
the 2nd is the career. i was asked by my boss to head up a new program in a school district that had just decided to start a 'therapeutic learning classroom' in their elementary, middle, & high schools. i had only been working with this program for 8 months & i didn't even apply for this position & 6 other co-workers did. & instead they asked me...& i turned them down b/c wes & i were planning on (me) getting pregnant within a year (it was--shock!--6 months later that i was pregnant). instead, i was in charge of the high school program for the upcoming school year. my point is: i did give up a career to stay at home. of course, i can work again whenever i choose to; wes isn't forcing me to stay home in any way. & it was just a few months ago that i made the final decision to stay at home at least until amelia is in elementary school. & i'm okay with that. but it's important for me to remember that i was really good at what i did & i have to mourn that loss. b/c i (mostly) enjoy staying home with the girls. it's fun & it gives me joy to see them growing up & changing. social work would never give me this much joy, i can tell you that for sure! hhmm, but i think the stress level is eerily similar...
then i thought about the economic situation right now. when wes & i moved back to columbus we looked at, oh geez, probably 40 houses? we chose to buy a house that we could totally afford, not using the 'buy what your salary/income will be in 5 years' theory. & turns out we ended up with a house that was totally not updated (it was built in 1974). but it had potential & a fenced in back yard & it was on the lower end of our price range. we have done a lot of work to this house, mostly painting & putting new light fixtures in & tearing out some not-so-retro 1970's home features. our improvements included painting the kitchen cabinets & putting new hardware on the cabinet doors & a new home depot off-the-shelves countertop & sink. i'm pretty lucky that wes is so amazingly handy around the house & with tools. anyway, we didn't replace the cabinets, although they are nearly falling apart in some places. we didn't replace flooring although the tile is white & hideous & the carpet is stained & just plain ugly...all b/c we don't have the cash for it.
i remember one of my friends came over & she just couldn't believe that we didn't just replace the cabinets & flooring & put all of it on credit cards or a 2nd mortgage. when we replied that we like to buy things we actually have the cash for...really, she just couldn't understand why we felt the need to buy things with cash when credit was so easily available & the cabinets & flooring were so ugly.
that line of thinking is part of the 'why' of the current economic problems, at least in my opinion. yes, credit is readily available & we do have excellent credit. but it's credit! it's not cash & no matter how you play it, credit = debt...& living outside of your means, your income. again, i'm lucky to be married to a man who thinks this way also b/c right now we're doing pretty good compared to other families that have maxed themselves out on credit. & i know lots of other families who live the same way we do & i know we're not the golden stars among everyone (meaning, the only ones who are doing it 'the right way, according to us'). it's almost humorous to me to hear economists say that people should save a certain amount & not be so extended on credit...yes, HELLO?! but some people have been taught that having the beautiful home full of the best of the best is what will make you happy. or the brand new car or whatever it is that's desirable. (of course, i'm not saying that having these things is wrong...i guess only if you can truly afford them???). so there was that line of thought while exercising.
anyway, then i thought about how i want to get involved with something...maybe the food pantry at the vineyard of columbus (where we have decided to go now! i'm so glad the church decision is over). just get involved with something more than my kids; something social-change minded. b/c that's me, i am pre-wired to have a social/cultural awareness & desire to help others in need. it's just in me & i can't change that. the past few years have been taxing on me partly b/c there's been so much going on (baby, moving cross country, fixing up our house, then pregnant & baby again with a toddler, then sick most of the winter, etc etc) that i haven't had time to focus on the outside world. but i'm beyond ready now....it's just a matter of convincing my kids to be tame enough to let me do this & find a great day time & evening babysitter for some mama-alone time (& date night! wes & i NEED date night).
okay, those are my thoughts while exercising today. this is all pretty normal for my 30 minutes on the elliptical. it clears my head like nothing else & it's the hour & a half i need every week to keep me sane. i know for a fact that if i had not been able to exercise today, i would be losing it; i'd be 'that parent' others look at with horror as they yell at their child for a minor offense. thankfully, the elliptical & i got together today.
in other news: i seriously think millie is waving! i swear it. i know she's only 7 months old, but...she moves her hand up & down towards herself. she is so adorable.
& adeline is just as ornery as ever...i don't think a non-ornery kid could come from me, though. as a child, my nickname from my parents was 'feisty' so you figure it out.
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