read first: if you the least bit squeemish, don't look at these pictures!

so here are some post-op pics. yea, say it with me: eewwww, gross.
my incision, stitches, & staples. nope, i haven't taken the time to count them. feel free to do that!

this is where they held my head in place during surgery. i have 4 of these spots on my skull. they're not deep, though, i believe just enough to keep my head in place. but enough to also make me go "eww".

so what else do i have to share? hhhmm.
i had my first recurring dream about the surgery last night. ugh. it was a play by play of pre-op...which included me getting a central line iv in addition to one in my wrist b/c they couldn't get a vein from either arm. (i have to drink pints of water quickly before i get any blood taken b/c my veins like to hide). so i'm laying in a bed, covered up to my neck in a white sheet & blanket. dr gupta (pronounced: GOOP-tah), the anestegiologist, is telling me that once they get a vein he will give me something to make me feel less anxious & be very content. then they put an oxygen thing up my nose & a tarp with a wee window over my head & explains that they have to do a central line through my neck b/c of my stubbornly small veins. then he says, as he scubs my neck with some very cold liquid, that are putting a needle in my neck...egads, do i cry & a nurse is holding my hand under the tarp & dr gupta keeps telling me that this will only hurt for about 30 seconds & this was only the numbing needle! gosh, did that hurt. anyway, he has to sort of lean into my head b/c i'm trying not to cry & move my head, but i do keep crying even after the shot to numb & i feel the pressure of the iv going in. AND HOLY CRAP DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG THAT LINE IS?! i could see out the wee window dr gupta pushing more, more, more of the tubing into my veins....my neck hurts right now just thinking about it. so then after the iv & tubing stuff were in, dr gupta tried to send me to la-la-land with the happy juice but that still didn't work & i was still terrified & i believe shivering, so more happy juice was given to me & another blanket. then this is where my dream abilities take over. then this other dr walks close by & asks gupta, 'is this your crane today?' & dr gupta responds 'yes, this is heidi & her surgery is coming up & she needs to be comfortable right now.' that all happened, but in my dreams, i sat up at that point & told that dr who had just made me a medical term (the 'crane' i'm guessing stood for craniotomy) so anyway, in my dream, i sat up & shouted to him: I HAVE A NAME. CALL ME BY MY NAME. but like i said, that didn't happen & i just laid there as dr gupta put this rude dr in his place & then shortly after that i was wheeled in the OR & saw half of dr welling's smiling face saying good morning to me & asking me if i was ready for the anesthesia. i think i was still crying at this time & i weakly replied 'yes' & the last thing i remember, both in reality & in dream land, is breathing in with the nose mask on. the next thing i heard was dr gupta patting my cheeks lightly & saying 'wake up sweet heidi, wake up, you need to wake up sweet heidi, time to wake up'... & that's my recollections from that part of july28. now thankfully its only in my dreams & memory.

***
today i'm doing okay. i have this severe amount of numbness over the left side of my face & as the day progresses, the numbness creeps over to the right side also. which is so irritating! i keep biting my tongue or cheek & it still hurts, but in a different way. i am walking pretty good, but turning my head slightly the to the left or right is very difficult & sends the room spinning around me. i'm trying to get off the more hard-core pain meds before the girls get home on wednesday, but that may not be realistic until this weekend. who knows, just going day by day. there's also this intense ringing in my ear....sort of like a lawn mower is sitting right next to me! yea, so that's annoying, too.

so if you want to come see me, go for it, but i can't promise that i'll be chatty or even awake, lol. i just am a wee bit out of it right now, lol. just a bit. & if you call, i may be up for talking or not, but thanks for all the calls, emails, letters/cards, meals, prayers already. i barely know what day it is, but i do know that it's nearly lunch time...