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so i've joined this acoustic neuroma forum & i'm reading others stories. some pre-op are eerily familiar. some are totally different. some post-op make me cry & shake a bit. check out these blogs if you're interested:
http://threecurlygirlies.blogspot.com/
http://briansbrainbooger.blogspot.com/
these are the ones i've found tonight. tonight i had orignally just wanted to crawl into bed shortly after the girls went to bed (8 p.m.) but here i am, at 9:30, still at the computer. this forum is addictive! so many things to learn about, good & bad. it helps to talk & read posts from others who have gone through the same thing. ugh.
then there's paige from last week who says she feels nearly normal (except for the feeling that part of her face is coming out of novocaine constantly). it's great to hear that & i hope & pray & beg god that i feel that way 8 months post-op. but some things i just can't wrap my mind around, like my skull being drilled into or the possibility of my face being paralized (even if temporary for 6 months or so) or not being able to soothe by kids when i'm back home & hear them crying for mama.
i'm also just realizing how terrified i am of having facial problems. i know that may sound superficial, but hey, just being honest. yea, i would much rather live with facial paralysis than die of a (benign) brain tumor years down the road, but still. i want to smile. i want others to see my smile; not that's it's a million dollar one or anything, but it's a simple way to connect with others.
accepting the fear of this tumor & surgery is difficult, to say the least. the surgery side effects can be so life changing themselves...but the chance of them happening are minimal (the side effects) but i keep thinking 'what if?'.
maybe i just need to go take a no-jittery pill, read a book, & then go to sleep.
***
btw: adeline & amelia played alone in the playroom, together for 90 minutes today. i was in my bedroom cleaning, folding laundry, etc & could hear nothing but giggles coming from the playroom. when i went in to get amelia for her nap, adeline cried & held onto amelia's legs as i got up. it was so sweet! friends & sisters, nothing better.
http://threecurlygirlies.blogspot.com/
http://briansbrainbooger.blogspot.com/
these are the ones i've found tonight. tonight i had orignally just wanted to crawl into bed shortly after the girls went to bed (8 p.m.) but here i am, at 9:30, still at the computer. this forum is addictive! so many things to learn about, good & bad. it helps to talk & read posts from others who have gone through the same thing. ugh.
then there's paige from last week who says she feels nearly normal (except for the feeling that part of her face is coming out of novocaine constantly). it's great to hear that & i hope & pray & beg god that i feel that way 8 months post-op. but some things i just can't wrap my mind around, like my skull being drilled into or the possibility of my face being paralized (even if temporary for 6 months or so) or not being able to soothe by kids when i'm back home & hear them crying for mama.
i'm also just realizing how terrified i am of having facial problems. i know that may sound superficial, but hey, just being honest. yea, i would much rather live with facial paralysis than die of a (benign) brain tumor years down the road, but still. i want to smile. i want others to see my smile; not that's it's a million dollar one or anything, but it's a simple way to connect with others.
accepting the fear of this tumor & surgery is difficult, to say the least. the surgery side effects can be so life changing themselves...but the chance of them happening are minimal (the side effects) but i keep thinking 'what if?'.
maybe i just need to go take a no-jittery pill, read a book, & then go to sleep.
***
btw: adeline & amelia played alone in the playroom, together for 90 minutes today. i was in my bedroom cleaning, folding laundry, etc & could hear nothing but giggles coming from the playroom. when i went in to get amelia for her nap, adeline cried & held onto amelia's legs as i got up. it was so sweet! friends & sisters, nothing better.
2 comments:
That's so sweet about your girls.
As for the facial problems, yes! I can totally understand why that would be scary. I hate to have anything wrong or different about my body, especially my face. Superficial or not, our appearance is what we show to the world and, more than that, it's what we're used to.
i dont think you should feel guilty or superficial about being scared of facial problems. i mean that seems like a VERY reasonable fear to me.
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