.jpg)
so i just talked to my friend judy who mentioned that people are wondering what they can do to help out the gerbicks pre & post op. which is AWESOME. a lot of this is coming from the church we attended the past few years, central vineyard. i just love them folks. (tough decision to go to the church just a few miles down the road *sigh*). so here's the situation: when i think about the surgery & harold & what i will be like post-surgery, i start to FREAK OUT. like i did on the phone just a few minutes ago with judy. you know, near panic attack breathing, sobbing, snot dripping all over the place. my mother in law & then my parents also saw this yesterday. i'm just having a hard time thinking about it right now. so the best thing i can say for those who want to help (thank you, thank you, thank you, you are amazing) is to email my mom. she has set up this spreadsheet that will include what people are able to help out with, say taking my girls to the park for a few hours, bringing meals so my mom/mother in law can focus on taking care of my girls & i. my mom's email is: karenscott311311@gmail.com . also, another kind friend, kara hill (she is a cv'er) is setting up meals for us. i don't know if she wants me publishing her email, but just email my mom that you're willing to give us a meal & then my mom will somehow get that info to kara.
friends & strangers, you are blowing me away with your help & support & love & PRAYERS. it's like i can just feel the holy spirit settling in on me at different times throughout the day & jesus tells me, like he's sitting next to me conversing with me, that someone is praying for me. whether i'm miraculously healed from this tumor is one thing--yea that would be so very cool & all, but emotional healing is just as miraculous & that IS going on.
***
we spent the weekend with the in-laws & then made an unplanned stop at my parent's house on the way home (that millie, waking up so early in the car....). we have lots of zoo pics from this weekend & other pics that i will post later; i will devote a post that is harold free, hopefully :o)
i think this harold situation is also teaching me to let go even more of the confines of my ideals & expectations. in a perfect world, i would be sitting on the floor or grass, playing with my kids endlessly, teaching them foreign language & sign language (which we just found these sign/picture cards that ROCK & should help a lot once we finally get them out around addy, lol). but the tv can be on most of the morning & addy still gets her exercise & feels loved by her parents. amelia can annoy her sister by taking her toys for longer than 2 minutes & life will go on. loads of laundry can be rewashed several times & global warming isn't much for the worse b/c of it.
& i'm also learning that right now i NEED to not think about harold as much as possible. so we're setting up for a garage sale & then a weekend full of family time that includes going to a clipper's game (hhmm, don't know how that will go with a 10 month old, but i guess we'll find out!).
***
okay, what the frack is up with a jack hammer & large machinery being used just 3 houses down??! gggrr. i was putting millie down for a nap, the window was open & it was dead quiet outside (okay a few of wes' fav birds were tweeting away, but no biggie). so i left the window open, letting her get some fresh air while sleeping. good things. she's in her crib, quietly investigating a book & has that half asleep look about her. i close the door, she's fine, no crying or whimpering. i walk downstairs to get a snack for addy. suddenly, the jackhammer is pounding away. amelia cries. jackhammer goes on & on for 30 minutes. amelia is in & out of sleep (which is unlike her, once she's out, she's gone). then the jackhammer is over & i give a sigh of relief. then the heavy machinery starts. i have no *freakin* clue what the shizzle is going on down the street, but i was ready to go all ape on the workers. i think i may need a sign that goes around my neck that says "don't mind my rantings, i have a brain tumor, please forgive me". sort of like the handicap signs in cars & on license plates. just a friendly reminder to everyone why i will suddenly seem like a maniac who should be hospitalized...i literally had to talk aloud to myself saying "it's not rational for you to walk down to that house & screech at them about your baby needing to take a nap"
another thing that's pissing me off? those old ladies at the westerville gardening club booth said that these hollyhocks were WHITE. so i put them out in our front yard, where the color theme is shades of white & green. these freakin hollyhocks are a very beautiful color of fuchsia. FUCHSIA. i can't make myself pull them out or replant them, so there they are, messing up my color themed flower bed. i asked those old ladies several times, 'are you *sure* these will be white?!' & they were adamant, 'yes, they will have white blooms.' let it go, heidi...
***
no worries, folks, i have my first therapy appointment tomorrow morning (wes is joining for moral support & to learn how to cope with a wife who is *freakin out* every day) & it's through the vineyard columbus, so i'm hoping that i am able to work through some things a bit. until then, here's to sobbing my eyes out a few times a day. i'm so glad i bought new glasses this year, they are so very useful (like i mentioned before, crying & contacts don't work together). & another frack, i somehow got a sunburn yesterday. ouch ouch ouch.
friends & strangers, you are blowing me away with your help & support & love & PRAYERS. it's like i can just feel the holy spirit settling in on me at different times throughout the day & jesus tells me, like he's sitting next to me conversing with me, that someone is praying for me. whether i'm miraculously healed from this tumor is one thing--yea that would be so very cool & all, but emotional healing is just as miraculous & that IS going on.
***
we spent the weekend with the in-laws & then made an unplanned stop at my parent's house on the way home (that millie, waking up so early in the car....). we have lots of zoo pics from this weekend & other pics that i will post later; i will devote a post that is harold free, hopefully :o)
i think this harold situation is also teaching me to let go even more of the confines of my ideals & expectations. in a perfect world, i would be sitting on the floor or grass, playing with my kids endlessly, teaching them foreign language & sign language (which we just found these sign/picture cards that ROCK & should help a lot once we finally get them out around addy, lol). but the tv can be on most of the morning & addy still gets her exercise & feels loved by her parents. amelia can annoy her sister by taking her toys for longer than 2 minutes & life will go on. loads of laundry can be rewashed several times & global warming isn't much for the worse b/c of it.
& i'm also learning that right now i NEED to not think about harold as much as possible. so we're setting up for a garage sale & then a weekend full of family time that includes going to a clipper's game (hhmm, don't know how that will go with a 10 month old, but i guess we'll find out!).
***
okay, what the frack is up with a jack hammer & large machinery being used just 3 houses down??! gggrr. i was putting millie down for a nap, the window was open & it was dead quiet outside (okay a few of wes' fav birds were tweeting away, but no biggie). so i left the window open, letting her get some fresh air while sleeping. good things. she's in her crib, quietly investigating a book & has that half asleep look about her. i close the door, she's fine, no crying or whimpering. i walk downstairs to get a snack for addy. suddenly, the jackhammer is pounding away. amelia cries. jackhammer goes on & on for 30 minutes. amelia is in & out of sleep (which is unlike her, once she's out, she's gone). then the jackhammer is over & i give a sigh of relief. then the heavy machinery starts. i have no *freakin* clue what the shizzle is going on down the street, but i was ready to go all ape on the workers. i think i may need a sign that goes around my neck that says "don't mind my rantings, i have a brain tumor, please forgive me". sort of like the handicap signs in cars & on license plates. just a friendly reminder to everyone why i will suddenly seem like a maniac who should be hospitalized...i literally had to talk aloud to myself saying "it's not rational for you to walk down to that house & screech at them about your baby needing to take a nap"
another thing that's pissing me off? those old ladies at the westerville gardening club booth said that these hollyhocks were WHITE. so i put them out in our front yard, where the color theme is shades of white & green. these freakin hollyhocks are a very beautiful color of fuchsia. FUCHSIA. i can't make myself pull them out or replant them, so there they are, messing up my color themed flower bed. i asked those old ladies several times, 'are you *sure* these will be white?!' & they were adamant, 'yes, they will have white blooms.' let it go, heidi...
***
no worries, folks, i have my first therapy appointment tomorrow morning (wes is joining for moral support & to learn how to cope with a wife who is *freakin out* every day) & it's through the vineyard columbus, so i'm hoping that i am able to work through some things a bit. until then, here's to sobbing my eyes out a few times a day. i'm so glad i bought new glasses this year, they are so very useful (like i mentioned before, crying & contacts don't work together). & another frack, i somehow got a sunburn yesterday. ouch ouch ouch.
No comments:
Post a Comment