2nd appt update

it went okay, as well as expected. it only took 3 of us to hold her down for the catheter. poor girl, she was terrified & crying for me to stop them, calling them bad bad bad. it nearly brought tears to my eyes, but she made it through great. AND they *did* give her some numbing ointment before the catheter was inserted (originally the ped didn't think they did that for the kids. why not?!).

she does NOT have kidney problems, though. her urinary tract infection was just that & doesn't have anything to do with kidney dysfunction or reflux. throughout the procedure we talked about things that calmed her down & the few things included ice cream sundaes (we went directly to a grocery store to let her pick out her own ice cream & whipped cream...she picked out 3 small tubs of ice cream. how could i say no after all that crying & stuff she went through?!). the other thoughts that got her through were of her birthday party & especially with chloe & zoe (her twin cousins) coming to jump in the jump house with her (we hope to rent one for her party). hearing about chloe & zoe coming to visit her & play made her smile & laugh even while in pain. (hhmm, i mentioned amelia would be there to play also & she was like 'nope, she's a baby mama' so i hope amelia isn't thrown out of the jump house by addy & the twins, lol).

i'm so glad it's over. now for a good day & week. i'm taking in some biofreeze loving to help with the increase of muscle use this morning (how old do i sound?! *smile*).

one appointment down, 2 more to go, plus something special

ADELINE IS IN! she made it into the special needs preschool. she will get physical, occupational, & speech therapy (individual & group) weekly, plus the usual preschool thing. 4 days a week for about 2 1/2 hours. amazing. perfect. love it.

i think *every* child should have this preschool opportunity. why is it that a kid has to have special needs to get free education as a preschooler? (i believe that was one of obama's points of interest & i hope it still is...i will try not to get all political on you, but i sway left...even if i didn't i would enthusiastically accept this free preschool. i am glad to pay taxes to help out kids, adults, whomever. okay, will stop before i go on about health care *smile*).

2nd appointment, gosh, this is going to be difficult. wes needed to be at work, i mean, he's taken so many part days off. his employers are wonderful about all of these appointments, simply wonderful & understanding. but there comes a time when he has to say 'i have to be at work, i can't do this appointment' & i have to start pushing myself & do it. so today is the day that i take adeline to get an ultrasound of her kidneys & then a catheter. what a day to start, eh? i'm guessing there will have to be some sort of restraint object used...i know there will be lots of screaming b/c catheters hurt (this i now know), at least coming out they do. anyway, it will be over soon & hopefully this is just a precaution & she doesn't have kidney problems.

then tomorrow is her preschool open house! then 15 minutes after that she has her 1st individual speech therapy appointment...& yes, i'm driving all this myself! gulp. my cousin mckenzie is a godsend today, able to stay here with amelia & then tomorrow my friend christine will be here with amelia for those times. gosh, it will suddenly be friday, eh? THEN our old neighbors from boise who are driving around the country in their (oil run?) RV, talking about jesus & serving others & such, well, they're coming to ohio & visiting us! they are fantastic folks & we've missed them & are kinda giddy to see them again. (check out their 'share5' blog on the right).

must go pump addy with some more water for her exams... wish us luck.

WAIT! the 'plus something'??? i fit into my skinny jeans! not my pre-adeline skinny jeans (do i even still own those?!) but my post-amelia being born goal jeans. they're not actually the skinny "fit", just what i consider to be the weight & shape & size i feel comfortable with. i don't use a scale ever, so i have to use jeans or clothes to determine all those things. this morning, i couldn't find my newer jeans & so i went downstairs, to the box that has a taped on note saying "HEIDI DON'T OPEN UNTIL 10/09" b/c i don't want to open them & not fit into them & be all bummed. i gave myself the 13 months to fit back into pre amelia clothes & all it took was a brain tumor, lol. i was watching a tivo'd show of sex & the city t he other day & samantha fit into her skinny jeans & i was like 'oh my dkny jeans from 2 septembers ago, i miss you' & here i am, feeling like samantha, fitting into the dream jeans. do you feel the sun shining also? *smile*

happy birthday, leila!

it's a return of the birthday posts. i took a hiatus to get rid of harold. BUT what a better day to re-start than on my sister-in-law's birthday?!

it is my hope that everyone has a sister in law like leila. here are my reasons: (yes, i'm into listing things lately)

• she produces (with my brother) amazingly gorgeous & cute nieces & bff's to adeline & amelia.
• leila is the perfect match for my brother...she has this ability to *know* scotty, fiercely & kindly. i am beyond-the-moon-happy that they are together & married & she is now part of my family.
  
• oh my goodness, need i say that she makes desserts for family gatherings that are scrumptious & made *someone* (not me, i promise you) say things like 'is this cake called orgasm cake?'. (& oh, does taht person not normally say things like that in public, so thanks leila for that laugh)
• & she also has this uncanny ability to remember stupid things that we say or do--all members of my family--& then bring them up at perfect times. she does this quietly, but with great impact & hilarity.
  
• she's a mom i have come to trust, a compatriot, battling out the mama wars (with kids or whomever/whatever) with advice & stories. i mean, she has *twins*...she knows the kid business.
• i am trying to learn from her patience, in all aspects of life...
• leila is a manager for a starbucks cafe giving her the ability to hand out good lovin' all the time (hint, good lovin' is a form of coffee-starbuck-ian treat). i mean, we get baskets of STARBUCKS treats for christmas! come on, tell me you're not jealous of me now.
• she gave me the word find puzzle book that helped me, uh, get the bowels moving after the surgery. there will ALWAYS be a soft spot in my heart for her b/c of this. (long story & no you don't want to know all the details).
• she doesn't flinch or turn away or look at wes & i like we're terrible parents when our children screech...she laughs with us.
• not to mention that leila is just simply an amazing person. smart. beautiful. insightful. kind. patient. strong (physically & emotionally). loyal. giving. witty. empathetic.
  

leila holding amelia, june 2009

another great thing? well, she didn't glare at me when i pulled out capri sun juice bags at the ball park in june, giving them to her barely 2 year old girls--not even thinking that when addy was that age she would've had NO CLUE what to do with juice in a bag with a hole. she was kind enough not to point the finger at me when the prissy young lady sitting in front of us, who was immediately squirted with juice by chloe & zoe (of course, what else do you do with a bag like that?), turned around all pissed off & huffy. i didn't even know it happened; my fault, my fault.

& most moms, even friends, would have a hard time with this one: i can't tell her girls apart. but as pissed off as she may get or be (or may not be!!!), she's never once been like 'heidi, get a grip, you're their aunt...tell them apart' . {btw: that is my family goal for this year: to be able to tell the twins apart. it's like a game i need to make up for myself, which one is chloe or zoe? or else soon we will have them here without their parents & they will pull the parent trap trick on me...big time}.

sooo... leila, we wish you a happy birthday! i am happy to have you in our family, a wife to my brother, an mama to my nieces, an aunt to my girls. you are loved & appreciated.

FEARS

so we have a few fears about adeline starting preschool. here's a few. i'm sure we'll add onto this as the date draws closer.

• she will say her name is BUBBA, as my dad has taught her. as in, i'm big bubba, my sister is little bubba & i even call my gram-mum bubba. (my dad says he's merely tapping into our west virginian roots...let's instead tap into the scottish roots? or maybe the german?)
  
• her first full sentence in preschool will involve some sort of shit, hell, damn, etc...since she doesn't so much repeat the sounds or words we say, we have become accustomed to still swearing a bit around her.
• adeline will quickly develop a more intense urge to be fashionable. i mean, you should have seen what the older girls were wearing at that elementary schoool! i know it was the first day of school so the kids wanted to look good & all, but we can't afford a new wardrobe! i'm hoping they still allow sweatpant-ish pants & leggings. b/c that's most of addy's winter wardrobe.
• that adeline will decide mid-morning to take all her clothes off. then hide them. then run around the school laughing & hiding like she does at home.
• since addy is so much easier to pronounce than adeline, i fear her full name (my favored name) will become obsolete.
  
• that i will not have the will power NOT go to starbucks on the way home, after dropping her off, with amelia sleeping in her car seat.
• i like being early or, if need be *sigh* on time. is this possible every day? what if we're late, constantly. is this okay in preschool?
• THAT I WILL FORGET TO PICK HER UP... hello, mrs. gerbick. yea? it's noon & we've found adeline a lunch, but is it possible for you to pick her up now, 2 hours late? *expletive*
• she will toot/fart/whatever you call it, laugh, then say something about 'i shoot ducks' (again, thanks dad)
• other parents will glare at us b/c *omg* those are the parents who pretend their kid has tree nut allergies, which means we can't let our kids have tree nuts in here, *GOSH* how annoying.
• will adeline like her preschool teacher more than her mama? unlikely, but still, a fear.
• amelia will decide that SHE wants to attend preschool NOW.
• they readily give out scissors & told us this already. adeline will have scissors at her disposal. should i tell them about my sister & i cutting my hair with scissors at this same age? that's why we don't have kid scissors, folks.
• adeline will get bullied on the playground. come on, this has to be every parent's fear. a year ago, addy would've put the smack down on that kid. now, she's a bit more reserved & fearful of other kids (all experts say b/c of her speech delay = change in personality).

what am i looking forward to about her going off to preschool?

• time with amelia, by ourselves

• time to grocery shop with only one kid!

• adeline making friends, learning about life without her parents & family around.

• more positive adult role models in her life. these preschool teachers are *AMAZING* (i think adeline has missed out a bit by staying at home with me nearly all the time. i mean, we have playgroups & she goes to the gym day care for a few hours a week (okay, she used to, pre-harold discovery) but i'm excited for her to interact with others, sans mama bear lurking.

i like that she's growing up. it's sad & going so fast, yes, but it's good b/c that's life, right? really, how else are wes & i going to enjoy being emtpy-nesters in 20 years if they don't grow up?! we have plans, my girls, plans for the no-kid gerbicks, plus 20 years. i'm sure we'll miss them as we're hiking in africa. visiting historical sights around the world. doing only 3 loads of laundry a week. we are enjoying the life cycle, that's all.

anyway. any fears of preschool or the life cycle you'd like to share?

one month

today marks the first month without harold. *sniff sniff* you're not missed.

this week has just zoomed by somehow & now it's friday & i'm glad. but everyone's in a testy mood for our own various reasons, making life a bit tense right now. but! adeline is 95% sure getting into the westerville school district special needs preschool. yippee! hello--she'll get speech therapy daily, plus any other therapies they see she may need. did i mention it's free? well, $15 a year for fees & whatnot but wow did that come as an answer to prayer (what a does a pay decrease + insurance coverage decrease + speech therapy costs + private preschool =?? too much for us to afford right now) so getting preschool & speech therapy all at once at public school is amazing & a godsend. PLUS she loved the teachers & the evaluators...it was the first time she had left with someone new that she didn't scream, cry, & throw herself into fits on the floor. wes & i were in a separate room & i kept waiting to hear her screeching from afar but it never came. when we met up with her an hour later, she was *happy* & laughing, playing with the speech therapist. & now she's excited for preschool...

we have her determination meeting monday morning. this is where all the evaluators/specialists meet up with us & the preschool coordinator to decide if she indeed qualifies for the preschool. if she does, then an IEP is written (oh joy. i've sat through enough of those iep meetings from my last job to know that fun is *not* coming). then she will start preschool either on her birthday or the following monday. (her birthday is sept 25). my baby is going to preschool?! FIRST #1.

FIRST #2: amelia walked. on her birthday. she just stood up in the middle of the floor, gave a huge smile & took 3 steps to adeline, then grabbed onto addy & fell to the floor. it happened in all of 10 seconds. but i caught it on my mama-memory-cam & there it will stay, hopefully forever. she hasn't walked since (well, i don't really know b/c i don't see her constantly & if the walking spells only last 10 seconds, well...there's a good chance we've missed it a few times).

***

what does one month post-op for a vestibular schwannoma surgery mean? well, my left ear has a moderate to low ringing, i can walk almost at a normal pace (sometimes, when i'm not very tired) but i'm tired a lot & a bit grouchy when the muscle pain is intense...which happens at least 2 or 3 times a day for various reasons. basically, i just need more time for things to heal. i had the 4 week post-op check up with dr welling & he said i was a great patient & doing amazing, that i looked nearly like a civilian (normal?). i dunno if they say that to everyone (care to input paige?), that they're great patients, etc. but for sure what they wanted to take care of before he appointment on thursday: payment. our balance of $1356.00 needed to have a payment made or paid in full. *gulp* it's just hard to see that chunk o change go, but we got it over all at once. i mean, the true amount of my surgery & hospital stay is still being worked out, but it's around the $150,000's now. yowzers. yes, i will pay $1356 instead of that previous amount.

i just have to get through this time. i keep telling myself to look forward to the holidays, when i will be feeling better (from what i've heard from other patients, the dr's, & also others who have had surgeries). it will be 5-6 months after & hopefully i will feel nearly 100%. even better, i will not have a brain tumor lurking in my skull, so i should feel even better than i used to. yea, i'm looking forward to that times 100.

***

it has been discovered that adeline has a severe allergy to walnuts (via a blood test). we also know she has a severe reaction to pine nuts & pecans. if you bring those into our home, you will be disqualified *smile* but really, we're trying to figure that all out. since she eats almonds, (also a tree nut) in the morning in her cereal & has eaten peanut & peanut products since 18 months without an issue, we are hoping to only find that she's allergic to those 3 tree nuts. but we have a few epi-pens for her, which freaks me out & benedryl always on hand.

then she recently had a round of urinary tract infection symptoms for quite a while & was taken to a dr & urgent care, etc & finally given medication for it on last week. she's doing better but now her ped wants to do an ultrasound on her kidneys & a catheter with dye contrast. to make sure she doesn't have this sort of reflux idea going on with her urethra & kidneys. wes & i nearly said a big N-O, especially since there's nothing to give her for the pain & discomfort of the catheter, plus the fact that addy won't let ANYONE near her vulva to begin with.... that appointment is on monday as well. maybe i'll tape the screaming & crying & send it off to be used for some slayer/slasher movie b/c that's how intense this will be. but the last time we almost blew off a dr's recommendation, my MRI, well, let's just say we're happy now that we went ahead with it...wish us luck! & wish us a better weekend w/ less grumpiness all around *smile*

birthday for the amelia baby

i was going to start this post talking about amelia. BUT i just realized once i listened to what wes was watching on tv & now i have to start by telling everyone that he was watching the girl scouts clothing design on pbs. oh, i love that man.

so yea, amelia is officially 1! holy crap, where did this year go? so i have a dozen or so pictures to share of the past year. of course, pictures. (i'm sorry, i'm exhausted. typing makes my neck & shoulder muscles hurt!)

on her birthday, yesterday (this is her softly scrunched nose face. yes, she does have a not softly scrunches face)

earlier that evening on her birthday

july

june

may

april

march

february

january

december

november

october

september

august, day 3

so amelia is 21.10 ounces & 29 inches (she's lost weight?!), according to her well baby appointment today.

what i love about amelia is her spunk. she just has this *look* about her that exudes cheerful naughtiness. that whole mischievous appearance cute now, maybe cute later...(hopefully still cute during adolescence?). she has been my snuggle baby & i will always love to snuggle with her.

really, there is so much to say about amelia, her disposition & her facial contortions & her protests of not being held, her ways of 'getting back' at adeline... she's just our beautiful, smart, climbing-fool baby who is no longer a baby. & that's okay, i can't wait to see what else she gets herself into.

***

much more news to pass on,but really, i need to get some biofreeze & a heating pad on my neck meat before i can't turn my head (that hurts).

a year ago today, this evening...

...i had just returned from an appointment with the midwife & lo & behold i was in labor & apparently had been for 5 days. wes & i were shocked as the midwife said in response to the positive swab test for amniotic fluid: you're going to have a baby tonight! GASP. but this baby's not due for 3 more weeks?!

a dinner of pizza & a quick hospital bag pack...

in the hospital thinking really, i'm in labor? i couldn't even tell when a contraction was in progress...b/c in reality, i wasn't in full labor. the amniotic sac had ruptured at the top & was doing a slow leak. i was only 3 centimeters dilated! i lapped the nurses around the lap-walk. it wasn't until 1:30 a.m., after a doctor ruptured the entire sac that i started to feel the contractions (after hours & hours of pitocin & argh--being strapped to a bed against my will).

so yea, here's a picture of me going 'what next'?

last baby belly shot

amelia anne, you were on your way!

happy birthday tomorrow, my baby girl.