what helps me get through the day.

thankfully the answer to the title of this post isn't a narcotic or alcohol or abusing my kids! lol. but it's remembering that i am only their parent... true, i was pregnant with both of them, right. i know all of that. i mean, i TRULY remember their pregnancies & births; no problem with that. what i mean, is that one day they will leave the security of this house, of my/our care & that during this time of growth & development, god has given them to me to take care of. to nurture & discipline. to teach & love. you get the idea, i'm sure. but really, they are not mine to direct; they are god's & i am merely the parent.

so on days like today, when i am ready to lose my mind over all the things a toddler can get into & why a toddler won't take a nap when she is obviously exhausted & why a baby who is obviously tired won't take a nap...when i'm ready to lose it & yell over spilt water...the good days are the ones when i am able to stop myself & remember that i am merely the parent. who knows why adeline likes to take cups out of the dishwasher (when dirty) fill them up with water & drag them around the house, flinging water everywhere she goes. or why she poops & pees on the floor constantly instead of in the potty right beside the puddle. or why millie can be so moody & wants to be held constantly on some days, to the point that i have severe back pain from lugging her around. geez oh man, being a parent is hard, especially when it's what i do all day.

like i said, on the good days i am able to stop myself from yelling at things that really may be better to calmly address. yea, they still baffle me & i may cry instead of yell. who knows which is better. hey, sometimes i even just laugh at the whole dog-gone situation, but that's not always possible b/c i am human & not a very patient one at that. i am here to teach them love & kindness & human decency...it is impossible to remember that sometimes. while reading those books i took out from the library about motherhood, i'm realizing that maybe i'm not as impatient as i thought i was, well, at least compared to some other women & mothers. & i also don't feel this intense guilt that some moms feel over things like whether to work or not or whether to feed them organic or non organic or whether i will homeschool or not (i am SO NOT a homeschool mama type...i daydream about good things to come when amelia enter kindergarten, although i will be a basketcase of crying that day). i make a decision & that's that. i feel guilty over other things: not breastfeeding amelia (which i am so over! thankfully), not living closer to their grandparents (yes, i know we moved 2,000 miles closer than we were originally, but i would still like them to see them more often...note to grandparents: not that you should feel guilty about this either!)...that we haven't found a church yet where we feel at home.

anyway, i think i was rambling a bit & forgot where i was going with that last part. bottom line for today: i am tired & have severe cabin fever & have started my period yet again (for those who are wondering: yes, all the pms symptoms come with each new nearly bi-weekly period from this wonderful iud contraption) & i am just plain stir crazy. but i was able to stop myself & remember that they are my gift, a blessing. if i will one day look back & laugh at how crazy life is right now, i should probably laugh at it now as well. especially when addy tries to put my underwear on instead of her own or amelia learns that she LOVES sweet potatoes & that she busts out the snaps on the 6-9 month outfit that she has worn once. i guess good times can also be frustrating & make a mama cry. maybe by the time they are off to school i will learn to laugh...???