ya-OUCH

hello to fellow bloggers & blog-checkers:

it has been decided after many hours of contemplation & many more tears shed & some lessons learned in letting go of 'mama guilt'...i am now ceasing breastfeeding ms. amelia. really, this is a very tough, heart-wrenching decision. i never realized how much it meant to me, not just giving my babies the best milk out there, but also the bonding that the skin to skin contact brought...i will stop explaining before i make myself cry again.

so, instead of a cow (producing milk, hahaha) i am now a vegetarian: i wear cabbage leaves on my breasts (sorry, dad, i know you are blushing right now) & frozen peas over my shirt with an ace wrap around my chest...i look CLASSIC. however, i am NOT letting wes take a picture of this set up, even for the purpose of good blogger laugh. wes is getting a good laugh out of all of it. he keeps saying if i dare go outside, the squirrels will congregate & take me down to eat the food off of me... again, hilarious. supposedly, the pain will stop after 3 days, which is tomorrow afternoon (which is when my mom leaves for home...i called her on friday seriously sobbing, saying 'i can't do this anymore, etc etc etc' which made her promptly leave my dad at home to come help us out for a few days. for those who don't know, my dad was in the hospital a few weeks ago for tiverticulitis [spelling is wrong!] & has been in much pain since then & off work...not a good recovery but at least he doesn't have to wear cabbage leaves...). i really hope the pain is gone; this hurts like nothing else (coming from a non-epidural mama, that is fairly significant in my opinion).

if you think about it, send a prayer up for me (& for my dad!)...this is very painful both physically & emotionally for me, but i'll get over both of it soon. i think it will help once i start holding her again for feedings (i can't hold her a lot right now b/c it just makes my milk 'let down' which makes it all even more painful).