birthday post

so today is veteran's day...or if you're from my family, my mom's birthday! i'm not going to tell how old she is...let's just say not half a century *yet*.

here is my mom holding newborn adeline, woah--3 years ago!

& here is my mom at amelia's 1st birthday party.

there's a lot to say about my mom. i have learned many things from her, admire many things in her, & even now when i am feeling exceptionally terrible i like my mom to be around--just in case i need someone to tell me "well, heidi, it could be your thyroid". (inside joke)

so here's a list of things i've learned from my mom:

1. don't be judgmental. (that's for god to do on the day of judgment)
   
2. to forgive but not necessarily forget
3. to tell a person off with just a glance
4. stand up for what i believe/think/feel (even if it means getting yelled at by her *smile*)
5. good food can cure *some* of what ails you
   
6. that she does not think under any circumstances that a baby should ever have to 'cry it out' (again, *smile*)
7. how to be firm, polite, & intelligent when on the phone with customer service reps (who could care less about your problems)
   
8. how to be firm, polite, & intelligent when talking with doctors (who mostly could care less about your problems)
9. that life isn't easy but that doesn't mean it can't be enjoyed
10. money really has nothing to do with happiness, but neither does being dirt poor
11. that god has a sense of humor & to enjoy it

hhmm, a few memories? well, one of my favorites is the time i mentioned a recent post. when she was driving & starting crying telling me how much jesus loves everyone, not just the people who look or act good.

another time driving (when you live out in the middle of *nowhere* there's lots of driving time, mind you) i saw sun rays coming out of the clouds & mentioned to her that i think that jesus takes the souls of people who died to heaven walking on the sun rays (okay, okay...i was maybe 6 or 7, couldn't get any cornier, eh?). & instead of correcting me with some off-base bible verse or theology, she just said 'well, god could do that & that is a beautiful thought'.

i remember several times my mom becoming exasperated with how much tv we could watch. & then suddenly, she'd decide that it was time to get rid of the tv; so off it would go (i don't know where. their closet? trash? another family?) & then she would stand there & convince us of other things we could be doing, equally as exasperated. but the lack of having a tv (out in the middle of nowhere) brought on great imaginations in all her kids & a love for reading. so...i think some good came out of that exasperation.
***
there are many funny, quirky things about my mom also:

1. when she gets overly excited about something, her voice sorta sounds like a hyena. not in a bad way, but still, a hyena.
   
2. her camera batteries will always run out.
3. she will use the word 'loathe' during a conversation at least once.
4. she knows more about thyroid & endocrine systems than most doctors.
5. if given the opportunity, she is not able to hit my dad with a snowball (lack of aim? strong wind?)
6. she actually has an 'emergency bag' packed just in case any of her kids need her at their home at a moment's notice.

***
my mom is a passionate mother, grandmother, & wife. she is quite the protector of her family & now that i'm a mom...i appreciate her even more. i love you, mom!

music

i am trying to avoid my motherly duties right now. which means i'm also trying to get my daughters to learn how to play together. (moms have the ability to twist certain realities--avoiding motherly duties--into good things, like siblings learning to play together. maybe this gift is handed out as we are handed our newborn?). anyway.

so i've been pondering music choices for my girls for a few months now, since addy's preschool teacher told me (with a smile) to change the station when i mentioned that adeline really likes coldplay. so i gave it a good effort; i played the two cd's the teacher gave the students. adeline danced around a bit & she is learning kid songs this way. you know, classics like on top of spaghetti, the wheels on the bus, jesus loves me (well, that's just from home; i highly doubt they sing that in school). so, yes, kids music is fun & silly & has the right rhythm to get their arms swinging & heads bopping.

BUT. YET. STILL. HOWEVER. adeline will choose coldplay over those cd's every single time. her song to drive to school? viva la vida. her song that she is forcing to be amelia's song? put your records on (corinne bailey rae) but really, amelia's song is strawberry swing. and then i now have to sing on top of spaghetti every chance i get...i feel like i could turn into one of those crazy american idol try outs when they say something like 'my kid thinks i'm the best singer in the world, so i think i'm such a great singer now' b/c that's how much adeline likes to hear my *terrible* singing voice. to mrs. r, addy's teacher: i'm not opposed to kid's music; it just seems that we can all share our music. (did that make sense?) i will listen to kid music some, they will listen to my music some, we will listen to wes' music a bit & then we will grin & bear it when in the car with gram mum & pop pop who like country music... or grandma sue's musical-movie songs *smile*.

so i'm wondering in 20 years, when adelne or amelia hear any of these songs they'll remember the moments of driving adeline to school. b/c songs seem to be like smells, as soon as i hear them i remember when i listened to that song. like the smell of raising sweet dough reminds me of my grandma's kitchen & i can imagine everything as it would be (complete with the *ginormous* green plastic bowl the dough would be rising in & all the tin pie plates she would have stacked up). when i hear certain u2 songs (angel of harlem & mysterious ways) or inxs i am taken back to the house my family lived in at that time, in nankin & the huge speakers we had & i remember how loud my dad let us turn the volume up...so loud that the floor would vibrate & i thought that was *SO COOL* of course. then i also remember driving in the car (maybe the buick century?) with my mom & she was listening to a keith green tape. i started to ask her questions about what keith green was singing & as she was telling me something along the lines of 'he wants everyone to know that jesus loves them' & she started crying. i think i remember that as one of the first times i ever saw my mom cry...so now when i hear keith green i think of my mom crying (but not in a bad way, in a soft hearted way).

so i will do an experiment. in 20 years i will suddenly break out viva la vida, strawberry swing, & put your records on just to see the girls' reactions.

***

also, apparently today in our house it is 'don't wear pants day if you are under the age of 4'. AND it's also 'get into mama's make up day'. that would be mascara covering amelia's legs & mascara drawn into an A on the carpet & my deodorant rolled onto addy's bedroom carpet & my eyeliner used to draw yet another A & then also used to color on addy's toenails. & i think it was eyeliner all over addy's face, or maybe mascara? at any rate, i don't think i'll be wearing mascara again until i make it back to bare essentials.

when chaos is the norm

that's what wes & i feel like right now: chaos is normal. do all parents feel this way? please tell me yes. or wait, please tell me no? is it rude to not want to be the only parents out there hanging onto their sanity by a thread? i guess it's not that we're "unhappy" ... we're just exhausted. i think we do in fact love our lives at this moment & cherish our girlies & all, but i swear if i have to visit a dr's office this week, i will pull all my hair out (don't quote me on that one, though, just in case).

& to prove our devotion to visiting the dr's, here's a great shot of something addy loves best: acetaminophen.

*of course* we don't let her drink out of the bottle on normal occasions. (this was taken when she had one more dose left; actually, it wasn't even a full dose). seriously, when she's sick she asks for her medicine! & when amelia is the lucky sick one with the meds, adeline has been known to throw a little tantrum b/c she wants the pink medicine, not baby! enough to drive a parent crazy, *see*??!!! the irony or confusion or plain childhood ignorance of normalcy is baffling. no, adeline, we don't want you to be sick, even if that means abstaining from the pink stuff.

***
so last friday was a bit crazy, starting with me putting off packing until the laundry was done (i was traveling with the girls to my parents' house for the weekend & wes was going camping with my brother & brother in law). so the laundry was done around noon, but then i needed to go to the mall to return something & take the girls out for some fine mall food cuisine. then chaos hit like a ton of bricks, my mind became totally useless & adeline was throwing a fit about not wanting to go to the mall, then when i turned around b/c i decided that i was no longer in the mood to go to the mall, adeline throws a louder fit. so drive through mcdonald's it was...then home to pack. then i decided it was best to wait until the morning to leave for cinnamon lake b/c gosh darn it all to hell!, my brain simply was not working.

& in between those moments of lucidity, these are just some of the how's & where's in which i would find amelia...
on top of the table, dumping things, throwing partially empty food bowls on the floor, shredding napkins (another time on the table that day)

& here it does appear that she was attempting to pick up her mess by putting it in the suddenly empty laundry basket...

& this is her sneaking up the stairs...she is so quiet as she opens the gate & begins her ascent but then can not under any circumstances contain her squeals of excitement past step 4 or 5...a dead give away, amelia, is that you going up the stairs unsupervised?! {amelia} EEEEAAAAEEEAAA! YEA YEA YEA, MMMAMMMAMMMA etc etc etc until i scoop her up, which begins the wailing or choice 2: move on to another mode of destruction.

the shirt she wore that day said "loved". at times, i questioned that *smile* but of course, she's loved...but i do think on friday the love amount could be found jumping around on a spectrum.
***
here's addy checking her pictures at my parents house. she's becoming quite good at actually getting people in the pictures as opposed to the legs of chairs or the floor or ceiling or butts, there have been lots of butt shots.

& here is {drumroll:} zoe (??? help, someone, is that right? i'm trying to hard to distinguish them apart...gah! we even put different colored hair bands in to help me. it did not help.)

i brought home some chocolate covered pretzels for the girls from the outlet mall (yes! my parents kicked me out of the house for a few hours! woohoo!!!) & wow did they go over well...as you can see from the pictures, eh?

& above, yes, adeline had already eaten hers. zoe here (i think) was very clean about licking every bit of chocolate & jimmies off of her pretzel stick. do you see the concentration in her face?! hilarious!

so wes went camping, i went to my parents to be with 3 adults (myself included) & 4 little girls, addy being the oldest. it was, well, chaotic to say the least. seriously, next time the 4 girls get together again, there needs to be at least a ratio of 1:1 for adults & wee girl... the upside? adeline, amelia, chloe, & zoe had a fabulous time together! & i was able to use my migraine pills again... (they work!).

AND i think i have christmas gifts figured out. now we just have to go out to buy. (sigh)

my alone time is now over & wes is calling me from upstairs: dear, millie's out. (what he wishes he could say: could you help me up here before someone drowns?)

SMITE

i'm reading this book (lamb: the gospel according to biff, the messiah's childhood friend -- or something like that) & i find it funny & a bit thought provoking. so thanks, hillary & jenny for recommending this book! but ever since about chapter 1, i've been trying to figure out how to get words like *smite* into everyday sentences. i've had no success so far. i try it out in my head first; still, it sounds stupid. but i love that word! SMITE SMITE SMITE! maybe i'll use it on adeline first to gauge the reaction. i know i've heard the word before, but after reading it a few times, it just seems pretty cool. you know, adeline if you don't put your shoes in the shoe cubby, i will smite your preschool self! or don't smite the great smiter. or fellow driver, if you sit through another green light playing with your phone i will smite you. see, sounds dangerous, eh? what a great word.

***

it's 8:46 a.m. & amelia is still sleeping. that may just be b/c she was awake again last night for hours. why? does she not realize that her parents need our sleep? we are tired creatures also. in fact, i'm so exhausted daily that the steroids i'm on hardly have any effect on my energy level (as dr im said would happen: you're so exhausted that this won't do anything negative to your sleeping habits, etc. he's pretty good, eh?).

so the word on the street with dr im is that my thyroid is 'normal' which means HIP-HIP-HOORAY! the next step is a bit more applicable (he was just trying to rule out thyroid mostly): the general diagnosis is fibromyalgia induced by major surgery, more specifically, adrenal dysfunction, more specifically addison's disease. i think all the symptoms fit me except 'irritability' LOL. (that was for you, wes, smile, it was a joke!). no really, i'm not all that irritable, unless i don't get 12-14 hours of sleep. (which never happens, get it?). so that's what's going on with me right now. my next dr im visit is in a few weeks, so i'll know more then. until then, i'm a 'roid popper. watch out, my new guns may smite you! (wrong, wrong context, still figuring it out).

***

this morning adeline wanted to go to work with her daddy. she asked wes when she got up 'addy go to work with daddy today?' & wes responded that he'd love to have adeline come with him, BUT there's nothing for her to do there & she'd have more fun with mama, etc. apparently addy didn't hear anything after the 'but' b/c she came down a few minutes later with her shoes on, put handfuls of granola bars & her sippy cup in wes' lunchbox (she is so practical!) & i think was even getting her coat on when wes broke the sad news to her: you have to stay home. i know one girl who will be looking forward to take your daughter to work day. then she'll be there for an hour & start screaming & that'll be history. i think it's wonderful that she's so in love with her daddy. i mean, i'm in love with her daddy, but i don't want to go to work with him. so either she doesn't know what an engineer does (hello, math, which i suck at) or she's even more in love with her daddy than i am! (gasp!)

& right now for whatever reason addy has taken all her clothes off (thankfully we have finally talked her into leaving her underwear on during these nudist times) & is laying on the couch watching cartoons on pbs. have i mentioned on here that adeline is learning to read? i am amazed when she does it, mostly b/c she's just learning to say these words but now she can say & *read* them?! & last night she told me her favorite song is 'on top of spaghetti' but i think she is in a quandary over on top of spaghetti & viva la vida (HER song that we MUST listen to every morning while driving her to preschool. there's lots of head bobbing & clapping & if amelia doesn't get into it, addy will instruct her what to do: CLAP BABY. DANCE BABY. CLAP BABY. SONG BABY! soon she will be saying, CLAP BABY OR I'LL SMITE YOU!

***

as for amelia, she's just great when she's not crying for hours at night. she is learning how to do many, many things including talking & walking & running (yea, i think she's the kid who doesn't want to learn to walk, how boring. let's learn to run first!). she totally cracks me up how she learns very naughty things from adeline or laughs when adeline is in trouble. typical 2nd child stuff. & let me tell you, she loves cheetohs with all her heart. maybe even more than she loves her parents (probably not as much as she loves adeline). i got a bag at the rec center for a surprise snack the other day & she saw then & was in *attack* mode.

but really, there are few sounds better than listening to kids eating & enjoying what they're eating. then there's her laughs & giggles. she's just plain adorable right now. BUT...the tantrums have begun. yes, she's only 14 1/2 months old, but this week we have counted 2 fully defined tantrums. i couldn't help but laugh through most of both of them b/c she's just so darned small & feisty! i hope that doesn't give her a complex that i don't care about her needs.

***

speaking of needs, this book i'm reading has also brought up this thought: why does that christmas carol, away in a manger, is it? why does it say 'the little lord jesus no crying he made' b/c don't babies, especially newborns, cry to communicate their needs? why do people make jesus as a wee baby to be angelic? i have no way of knowing of course, what jesus was like as a child or baby, but i'm only guessing that as a newborn he still *cried*. was he never hungry? this thought occured to me years ago, while singing this christmas carol to adeline as a 3 month old & ever since then i've disregarded that carol as *stupid*.

***

& this is the year folks. the year we explain to adeline that santa claus is a fun, imaginary character to pretend...but, santa is not real. he will not bring you gifts, just as he doesn't bring gifts to other kids all over the world. i grew up knowing this & although it may have fueled my fear of random people dressed in costumes like santa, the easter bunny, etc...it did not damage me in any other way & i think it made me a bit more thankful to my parents for our gifts. so i'm sorry if my kid tells your kid that santa's not real. but for real, kids have a strong imagination; even pretending that santa is real can be magical & fun. come on, addy knows curious george is not real, but when she saw a curious george character at the new albany classic, she about peed herself she was so excited! see, kids have the ability to know reality & myths & still she enjoyed imagining that it was the real curious george there to see her.

it is now 9:15 & amelia is still not awake. i must go check on this...

ah! toy overload!

we have this enormous (& growing) pile of *stuff* in our garage; baby stuff. it's like an amoeba & today i'm adding more to growing parasite taking up garage space. i just can't handle all these random toys laying around the house! mama is putting the smack down on the toy situation, girls. how do we get all these toys? i don't think we have purchased more than 10% of them. grandparents, i blame you all! *smile*

here's amelia playing with a favorite wee ball. & yes, this girlie knows how to throw! you should see her get ahold of a hard ball. ouch. & look! the picture is an action shot!


i get a bit nutty about keeping the toys together. you know, i want all the play kitchen stuff in one bin, legos in another, random toys in one basket, etc. the big problem? the puzzles, b/c i *need* to have all the puzzle pieces, as does adeline. if one piece is missing, we will search high & low for that one lousy piece, yes like an obsessive compulsive person would (but its nearly the only thing i'm all uptight about, not counting the labeled cabinets in our kitchen). last year we were missing the number 7 for a few months. then low & behold, it was found & adeline *remembered* & we all celebrated; that's my girl! (the #7 was in the car).

so today i went through each bedroom, then the playroom, then the living room & lightened the load of toys in this house. if feels good, not stepping over puddles of toys everywhere... i guess just in time for christmas, eh? as for christmas gifts, our plan for a major gift for both of the girls is to restore this play kitchen set & hutch given to us from a friend (it was hers growing up). we meant to do it for addy's 2nd birthday (didn't happen). then we planned to do it for christmas 2008 (didn't happen). then we wanted to have it done for addy's 3rd birthday (didn't happen). so you see, when i say we 'plan' i mean *i really super duper hope that we get our asses in gear to get this done* (esp since the plastic one my mother in law found for us at a garage sale is falling apart b/c amelia climbed on top of it then tried to do a little dance, tumbling it all & herself to the ground...she was just fine, another reason we have the mattress on the floor in the playroom: soft landing!)

speaking of amelia. she has reached the pinnacle of her destroyer-droid lifestyle. the *entire* time i was sorting through toys & then putting them away in a certain place, she was right behind me, taking everything out of the bins or basket, throwing half of the stuff down the steps through or under the gate.... this marks a difference between adeline & amelia. adeline would sit & play & read (by herself or with me) at this age for up to an hour; she enjoyed doing this, figuring out blocks & such...there was destruction, but she usually kept it in the same general 2 foot radius of the origin. *not so* with amelia. she is a thrower, a chucker, a hider, & a sneak-the-toy-away-then-throw-it kind of gal. i find it so very interesting that they can be so different. & so it makes sense to use different discipline techniques (really, how much discipline can a 14 month old understand anyway?).

***
& if you're a prayer: please beg the sweet lord heavenly jesus in heaven that amelia would start sleeping all night. we can't take it anymore, these hours (usually adding up to 3 hours total) almost every night that amelia is awake. some nights she cries, others she just tries to fall asleep & is snuggly, but doesn't sleep. what the hell?! gah, enough to drive her parents loony, that's what it is.

wes was sick this week, sick enough for me to force him to stay home from work to rest. for the record, in the morning, i took the girls to the rec center for 2 hours (tuesday, addy didn't have school b/c of voting in the schools) & then when amelia was napping, i took addy grocery shopping with me so wes could sleep *twice* & he did. thing is, wes usually never gets sick...so i have this hunch that these 3 hour stints in the middle of the night have something to do with his immunity being down.

happy birthday, bri!

today is our sister-in-law's birthday (bri)...& this is a late post, but that has nothing to do with an inability to write a post about her. b/c i have a lot of respect for this woman, folks.

first--she can sell things! like insurance & jewelry. (i couldn't sell anything so this talent/gift is a awing to me!). when her & cliff moved to st. thomas for a few years she was able to work in a jewelry store, learning it all with each day.

second--she is fearless. she signs up for things like 'boot camp on lake erie' & moving to st. thomas after college & triathlons (or was it a bi-athlon?)...so fearless in the face of physical challenges, mental (getting a 2nd degree!), & emotional. i have found it easy to be around bri b/c of this fearless open nature that she has... it's easy--& good--to get to know her b/c she is honest & thoughtful & especially witty. yes, she's one of the most fearless women i've met (especially someone my age). i love that i have years & years to hang out with her, getting to know her better.

third--she is an amazing aunt (although, she doesn't go by 'aunt', lol). this picture below was taken by adeline last year & just shows how she connects with our girls. adeline loves her 'beee', as she calls her, & her kittens (yea yea, 'ciff' too *smile*)

plus she bought addy her favorite shirt *EVER* so that has to stand for something, right? (below is the shirt & a fav outfit i might add)

fourth, she likes old people. okay, not just likes but loves them, getting to know them, understanding them & their stage in life, & past experiences. in my opinion, if a person likes the most elderly folks with a passion, then that person is *golden*...to understand history & ourselves & most of what goes on in the world, we must rely on the people who came before us for wisdom & all that good stuff. plus, wes' grandma gerbick actually remembers her name (as opposed to me. she will ask bri who i am sometimes, lol. no hurt feelings, i find it endearing) so you know if grandma gerbick remembers her name, bri is a pretty solid & classy gerbick family member (uh, i guess what does that say about me? gasp!? i live much further away, right?)

fifth, she isn't afraid to indulge in chocolate. & sixth, she can drive with me as co-pilot shouting out directions last minute (doi! you're supposed to be 2 lanes over, sorry!).

here we are at the zoo last winter (*see* she will go to the zoo in the freakin cold! just b/c she's hanging with us!).

really, i see bri as someone with a soft, kind, & open heart. she has wisdom beyond her years & believes in herself more than most. bri has always been there with a funny remark or thought when i need it the most, so thanks bri.

we're hoping you two thoroughly enjoyed yourselves in las vegas last weekend!

happy birthday!

halloween 2009

here's our jolly pirate

& the ever adorable love-lady bug (she was called both throughout the night, lovebug & ladybug)

& we had *no idea* adeline would be such a stellar beggar! after 5 houses she had the whole idea understood & started pointing out the houses we should 'hit' next, scoping the neighborhood out like a pro. she would run up to the door (or stoop) & half the time she would manage to get out her tick-er-twee. the other half of the time she would just look at that person with the big eyes & they would immediately put their entire bowl down & with a smile say 'you take whatever you want' ... what? we were like uh *no*! she can have 1 piece. adeline would also give a hearty ARGH MAN (her version of argh matey).

we started at 6, went to our neighbors first, then walked down to do some loops with another family from our neighborhood. & somehow we totally didn't get a picture of them! (argh!) but the girl addy's age was a red m&m & the 18 month old was chewbacca from star wars & the dad was han solo. i mean, this chewbaca was intense & adorable, head to foot outfit complete with fur & face paint. *everyone* stopped to admire her, so cute, she was just the tiniest chewbaca toddling around.

so anyway, amelia mostly sat in the wagon sucking on her bottle but every once in awhile she would need to be held & would get to visit a house with her sister. we're not so into giving amelia candy but a neighbor slipped her a package of smarties & i didn't think much of it. when we got home we realized that she had chewed the smarties through the wrapper then slurped the crushed candy out of the end. i shouldn't have to say this, but i will: *wow* was she hyper for about 45 minutes. like jumping & giggling & rolling around & flinging her arms with glee. cute, but not cute enough to give her smarties any time soon.

& today adeline has found very secretive hiding places for some candy. she'll sneak up to the bag, pull a handful out, run away & then come back with only one...where did the others go? well, 20 minutes later she'll run off & come back chomping on some more candy. GAH! i think the candy will get pulled from our shelves tomorrow, only to be handed out on special occasions (b/c, she's seriously eaten 1/3 of her candy already & as adeline adamantly told me: bag not full, not no gone--which i'm thinking means the bag was almost full??).

yea, we did halloween & it was good.
***
& what's with this stupid time change? did anyone else have children waking up at 5 a.m. this morning? *sigh*