.jpg)
the past few days have been...stressing on the brain. this morning, i had planned on going to the gym & then relaxing at home with my girls for the day. doing a load of laundry & maybe even vacuuming. (maybe). then i got a call to see if i could take my grandma to an eye doctor b/c her sty is much worse. i just can't say no about my grandma. even though we're all sort of sick & i am dealing with some, oh, 'tough' information right now.
i will start a very long time ago, 15 years actually, for those who aren't my parents or husband & don't know all of this. i pass out randomly! i have had one (maybe 2) seizures, but that was when i was 15 & haven't had one since.i'm pretty good at knowing when a fainting spell is coming & am able to sit down, eat a banana, & drink loads of water & lay very still for 5 or 10 minutes. theni'm fine. the last time i passed out was 3 weeks after millie was born & i couldn't get my energy back & even 3 hours later at the e.r. my heart rate plummeted in a matter of seconds when i stood up (it was weird, we actually saw it b/c i was hooked up to a heart monitor thing).i've also been getting headaches. & i have ibs. every doctor i've talked to about this over the past 15 years freak out & order a list of tests (ekg, eeg , ct scan, stress test, um some sort of epilepsy test, blood work, etc etc etc) & i had gotten to the point of just not telling my doctor when i passed out b/c i was tired of being told 'all your results are normal, i guess this is just what happens to you'... so tuesday i went for a normal eye exam (& yea! i ordered new glasses!) & didn't mention anything about all my myriad of oddities b/c i just had an optometrist tell me in october that my headaches may be from hormones (this is also the eye doc who i refused to ever return to b/c she was terrible!). anyway, this new eye doc kept running all these weird tests on me that i'd never had before & then i picked out my glasses & then they dilated my eyes & said that the dr wants to see me again to do a few more tests. so she looks in my eyes with this VERY bright light for seriously 5 minutes. not kidding. then she pushes her chair back, hands me my glasses & is very serious & asks me if i have headaches. i say yes & she asks me to describe them & i do. then she starts asking all these other questions, like 'do you get weak or faint?' & i'm like 'holy shit! is she serious?' so i tell her my whole 15 years of passing out adventures (i was once driving & passed out! my sister was in the car to prove it). so then she does a few more scans & shows me what is going on...apparently i have inflamed optic nerves. i really didn't understand the whole situation at the time, but all the staff became very serious when they talked to me after that & then they set me up with a specialist (the eye doc wanted me int his week, but that couldn't happen b/c some richyoo-hoo 'the best' optical neurologist is on freakin vacation...grrr ). so she asks if i have any questions & i don't really know so i ask a few stuff, which i don't even remember... she kept saying that this pressure has to be coming from somewhere & it may be coming from my brain & she wants a specialist to see me & an mri of my brain. yippee.
then i go home & google this diagnosis. holy shit for sure. they only thing is that it could be caused from something as simple as a continuous sinus infection (whichi've been sick half of the winter, so...) or it could even be my iud ! or it could be multiple sclerosis. or a tumor. or a thyroid condition. lovely! once they find out what the cause is, supposedly this eye problem will correct itself once the problem is & that is taken away.
so then i google MS & even more holy shit, 40-60% of people with this eye condition have MS & i also have several other MS symptoms (part of the above stuff thati've dealt with for 15 years). so i'm totally freaking out here. let's just say i didn't sleep well last night. yesterday i called my sister sobbing my eyeballs out (probably not good for that pressure problem,lol) & i'm like 'i'm going to die!' & she directly left work to hang out with me. what a sis, eh?
anyway, so this morning i was determined to let the drama go & just get on with things as usual. so i started to get ready for the gym. exercise is always good for me wheni'm stressed. then i get the call about taking my grandma to the eye doctor (ironically, it's the other office of the same group of eye docs, in a different town). so i had until noon before i had to leave...i could stay here & think about this stuff all morning & try to play with the girls or i could go to the gym & de-stress. to the gym i went! i'm glad i did...i don't want to let myself 'go' as in let my mind wander & think of terrible possibilities & each mama needs a release. baking & exercising & gardening are mine (okay, & playing word twist on facebook).
on a side note: i noticed that when i need a pick-me-up, i don't listen to music by white folks. every 'moldy peaches' or indigo girls or ani difranco or hem song that came up on my mp3, i nixed & searched out alicia keys & mary j blige & lauryn hill. seriously, good stuff. i listened to alicia key's 'superwoman' twice, very loud. "even when i'm a mess, i still put on a vest with an s on my chest, i'm a superwoman...to all the mother's out there..." you must listen to this song, i'm telling you! and then mjb's family affair & no drama. come on! i don't know how to link you to things that will let you listen to these songs via my blog, so i guess just google them?
anyway: the afternoon progressed with a very grumpy baby & a 2 year old who dumped the ENTIRE box of rice cereal on the table. then the drive & then i find outi'm 30 minutes early (doi! i couldn't taken a shower!) & adeline is just getting cranky. somehow the eye appointment went well. then my grandma was told she had to immediately go to an eye surgeon in new albany (we were in johnstown , so just about 10 minutes away). i didn't panic too much b/c the optician (who i actually know from the 'big' vineyard! crazy!) said that they were waiting for us. i imagined us breezing in & them taking my grandma in quickly & then being done within 30 minutes. hardy har har. it took about 30 minutes to fill out the paperwork, then another 3o minutes for her to be seen. by then, adeline was a monkey jumping around the place, writhing on the floor, running from me. all this while i'm trying to feed amelia (thankfully! my grandma kindly said 'i think you should feed amelia , she only took a few ounces at the house' which was several hours ago...how long would we have gone before i remembered to feed millie?!).
i must have started to look a bit frazzled b/c the receptionist came over & whispered in my ear 'it's okay if she's loud; we think it's great to have them here' ...i think my eyes started twitching when she said this b/ci'm thinking, hhmm, how loud are they being? then another optician lady came over & read to adeline so i could feed amelia. then we were the last people in the office & i adeline was jumping in place which made amelia do non stop belly laughs, which made adeline continue jumping in place. by then two other doctors had made their way out into the waiting room & they were all just sort of watching adeline & amelia laughing & jumping & carrying on.
my poor grandma came out with a patch over her eye & i'm trying to figure out how i'm going to get everyone out the door & a nurse kindly offers to take amelia & help my grandma with her walker while i carry adeline (who by then was so in love with being the center of attention that she didn't want to leave & was trying to permanently attach herself to the waiting room chair). then my grandma wanted to treat us to sundaes from mcdonalds (well, adeline got fries b/c she doesn't like ice cream! strange kid, i know). i got home at 4:44.
the good thing is that being gone nearly all day made me not think about my funky eye stuff. AND did i mention that the eye doc called me back after wes called this morning to say i had questions. she called twice b/c the first time i apparently was a the gym (i didn't think she would call back that soon!) & she was in meetings all afternoon, but the doctor wanted someone to pass on to me that she will call me tomorrow & then the nurse said, 'i think she is guessing you are scared about all of this' & i said 'yea,i'm freaking out...did you know this could be MS?' & she laughed & said 'yes, i think this is exactly what she was worried about, but she doesn't want you to worry & she will call you tomorrow." at least i am providing comic relief to optometrist {spelling???} office workers.
there was also something i wanted to say about this article i read in a news magazine at the gym & then about obama's address last night, but i need to chillax, as the parsons say.
i will start a very long time ago, 15 years actually, for those who aren't my parents or husband & don't know all of this. i pass out randomly! i have had one (maybe 2) seizures, but that was when i was 15 & haven't had one since.i'm pretty good at knowing when a fainting spell is coming & am able to sit down, eat a banana, & drink loads of water & lay very still for 5 or 10 minutes. theni'm fine. the last time i passed out was 3 weeks after millie was born & i couldn't get my energy back & even 3 hours later at the e.r. my heart rate plummeted in a matter of seconds when i stood up (it was weird, we actually saw it b/c i was hooked up to a heart monitor thing).i've also been getting headaches. & i have ibs. every doctor i've talked to about this over the past 15 years freak out & order a list of tests (ekg, eeg , ct scan, stress test, um some sort of epilepsy test, blood work, etc etc etc) & i had gotten to the point of just not telling my doctor when i passed out b/c i was tired of being told 'all your results are normal, i guess this is just what happens to you'... so tuesday i went for a normal eye exam (& yea! i ordered new glasses!) & didn't mention anything about all my myriad of oddities b/c i just had an optometrist tell me in october that my headaches may be from hormones (this is also the eye doc who i refused to ever return to b/c she was terrible!). anyway, this new eye doc kept running all these weird tests on me that i'd never had before & then i picked out my glasses & then they dilated my eyes & said that the dr wants to see me again to do a few more tests. so she looks in my eyes with this VERY bright light for seriously 5 minutes. not kidding. then she pushes her chair back, hands me my glasses & is very serious & asks me if i have headaches. i say yes & she asks me to describe them & i do. then she starts asking all these other questions, like 'do you get weak or faint?' & i'm like 'holy shit! is she serious?' so i tell her my whole 15 years of passing out adventures (i was once driving & passed out! my sister was in the car to prove it). so then she does a few more scans & shows me what is going on...apparently i have inflamed optic nerves. i really didn't understand the whole situation at the time, but all the staff became very serious when they talked to me after that & then they set me up with a specialist (the eye doc wanted me int his week, but that couldn't happen b/c some richyoo-hoo 'the best' optical neurologist is on freakin vacation...grrr ). so she asks if i have any questions & i don't really know so i ask a few stuff, which i don't even remember... she kept saying that this pressure has to be coming from somewhere & it may be coming from my brain & she wants a specialist to see me & an mri of my brain. yippee.
then i go home & google this diagnosis. holy shit for sure. they only thing is that it could be caused from something as simple as a continuous sinus infection (whichi've been sick half of the winter, so...) or it could even be my iud ! or it could be multiple sclerosis. or a tumor. or a thyroid condition. lovely! once they find out what the cause is, supposedly this eye problem will correct itself once the problem is & that is taken away.
so then i google MS & even more holy shit, 40-60% of people with this eye condition have MS & i also have several other MS symptoms (part of the above stuff thati've dealt with for 15 years). so i'm totally freaking out here. let's just say i didn't sleep well last night. yesterday i called my sister sobbing my eyeballs out (probably not good for that pressure problem,lol) & i'm like 'i'm going to die!' & she directly left work to hang out with me. what a sis, eh?
anyway, so this morning i was determined to let the drama go & just get on with things as usual. so i started to get ready for the gym. exercise is always good for me wheni'm stressed. then i get the call about taking my grandma to the eye doctor (ironically, it's the other office of the same group of eye docs, in a different town). so i had until noon before i had to leave...i could stay here & think about this stuff all morning & try to play with the girls or i could go to the gym & de-stress. to the gym i went! i'm glad i did...i don't want to let myself 'go' as in let my mind wander & think of terrible possibilities & each mama needs a release. baking & exercising & gardening are mine (okay, & playing word twist on facebook).
on a side note: i noticed that when i need a pick-me-up, i don't listen to music by white folks. every 'moldy peaches' or indigo girls or ani difranco or hem song that came up on my mp3, i nixed & searched out alicia keys & mary j blige & lauryn hill. seriously, good stuff. i listened to alicia key's 'superwoman' twice, very loud. "even when i'm a mess, i still put on a vest with an s on my chest, i'm a superwoman...to all the mother's out there..." you must listen to this song, i'm telling you! and then mjb's family affair & no drama. come on! i don't know how to link you to things that will let you listen to these songs via my blog, so i guess just google them?
anyway: the afternoon progressed with a very grumpy baby & a 2 year old who dumped the ENTIRE box of rice cereal on the table. then the drive & then i find outi'm 30 minutes early (doi! i couldn't taken a shower!) & adeline is just getting cranky. somehow the eye appointment went well. then my grandma was told she had to immediately go to an eye surgeon in new albany (we were in johnstown , so just about 10 minutes away). i didn't panic too much b/c the optician (who i actually know from the 'big' vineyard! crazy!) said that they were waiting for us. i imagined us breezing in & them taking my grandma in quickly & then being done within 30 minutes. hardy har har. it took about 30 minutes to fill out the paperwork, then another 3o minutes for her to be seen. by then, adeline was a monkey jumping around the place, writhing on the floor, running from me. all this while i'm trying to feed amelia (thankfully! my grandma kindly said 'i think you should feed amelia , she only took a few ounces at the house' which was several hours ago...how long would we have gone before i remembered to feed millie?!).
i must have started to look a bit frazzled b/c the receptionist came over & whispered in my ear 'it's okay if she's loud; we think it's great to have them here' ...i think my eyes started twitching when she said this b/ci'm thinking, hhmm, how loud are they being? then another optician lady came over & read to adeline so i could feed amelia. then we were the last people in the office & i adeline was jumping in place which made amelia do non stop belly laughs, which made adeline continue jumping in place. by then two other doctors had made their way out into the waiting room & they were all just sort of watching adeline & amelia laughing & jumping & carrying on.
my poor grandma came out with a patch over her eye & i'm trying to figure out how i'm going to get everyone out the door & a nurse kindly offers to take amelia & help my grandma with her walker while i carry adeline (who by then was so in love with being the center of attention that she didn't want to leave & was trying to permanently attach herself to the waiting room chair). then my grandma wanted to treat us to sundaes from mcdonalds (well, adeline got fries b/c she doesn't like ice cream! strange kid, i know). i got home at 4:44.
the good thing is that being gone nearly all day made me not think about my funky eye stuff. AND did i mention that the eye doc called me back after wes called this morning to say i had questions. she called twice b/c the first time i apparently was a the gym (i didn't think she would call back that soon!) & she was in meetings all afternoon, but the doctor wanted someone to pass on to me that she will call me tomorrow & then the nurse said, 'i think she is guessing you are scared about all of this' & i said 'yea,i'm freaking out...did you know this could be MS?' & she laughed & said 'yes, i think this is exactly what she was worried about, but she doesn't want you to worry & she will call you tomorrow." at least i am providing comic relief to optometrist {spelling???} office workers.
there was also something i wanted to say about this article i read in a news magazine at the gym & then about obama's address last night, but i need to chillax, as the parsons say.
