6 years ago, another version...

some of you may remember that this wednesday was veteran's day (& my mom's birthday, which had to come first, if you know what i mean *wink*). i'm not going to get into the politics of the wars going on right now. all i'll say is that if there is one thing that i will never forget: that my 'little' brother was (or is, does that ever stop?) a soldier.

6 years ago he was not able to attend my wedding b/c he was in fallujah. for nearly 18 months he was gone, one of the thousands protecting our country & innocent civilians in other countries. not a minute went by the day of my wedding that i wasn't thinking of him, not even kidding. every time i look at group pictures from my wedding i want to cry (which is one of reasons you will only see 1 group photo of our wedding in my house) b/c he was supposed to be there, but couldn't make it. b/c again, he was a soldier in a war.

there are hundreds of thousands of veterans & soldiers out there...i wish it didn't take a few days a year to get people to recognize them & their sacrifices. while my brother was gone most of my family couldn't bare to watch the news. but somehow i believe it was my dad who would scour the pictures coming from journalists & my brother's unit, to see if he could spot scotty in one of them. (a lot of pictures/videos were coming out of fallujah at that time...very violent year then). these are a few that we found of him & then ones that he confirmed would be him. (& scotty, i guess i should've made sure this was okay with you before putting these up. if not, uh, sorry, you can give me a wee punch later :o)

i have such mixed thoughts & emotions about the war on terror. but one thing is for sure, i will never stop remembering on a daily or hourly time that we are indeed at war & families are grieving their soldiers *every single minute*. after my brother shared some stories, pictures, etc my mind set will forever be changed. like my mom said on her facebook page, tears just start pouring when i see a video or hear a story or see with my own eyes someone in military clothes (such a good thing i don't live near a military base, eh?!), & especially of troops returning. i will *never* forget the surreal feeling of seeing scotty walk through the columbus airport after his deployment. i remember my sister & i just held onto him for quite a few minutes (as he explained just how many people gave up their better seats for him, bought him a beer or food, etc).

anyway, it's not necessarily my story to tell, but thinking about it all is enough to make me cry just remembering that time. SO, to all veterans--my brother especially--i admire you more than words can say.

birthday post

happy birthday, my brother! i know...a day late.

holding amelia for the first time august 27th, 2008

this one is for my brother, scott, scotty, spike...whatever it is you have known his name to be over the past 27 (!!) years. somehow he put up with two older sisters who loved to torture him by putting him in doll strollers & in baby clothes while he was little & then held him down to practice tickle torture when a bit older. there came a time when scotty & i were best buds (when kristi left me for a neighborhood friend--scoff--) & i remember finding newborn puppies in the dog house together (my mom thought they were dead rats at first?!) & also playing in our dress up clothes 'house on the prairie' (a favorite tv show & book series of mine. i was of course, laura ingles wilder & he would be any sort of bad guy, specifically indians, which i now know to call native americans, *smile*).

anyway, that was long ago, several decades & much has changed since then. scotty learned how to skip school by hiding himself in the ditch by the bus stop & loved the three-legged beagle (guy dog) my mom brought home from the vet clinic (that we ended up keeping FOREVER & even had to put him on doggy prozac while scotty was deployed & sadly, that is also when he passed away) while everyone else in the family was like 'ewww, that dog smells & howls'.

through these past few decades my brother has grown into a man of honor; i would like to say that's b/c he has me for a sister! *smile* but i think it is rather a combination of life lessons, crazy adventures, & a soft, god-given heart. maybe he doesn't know this, but i admire him greatly; the hard choices he's made in his life are ones that most people would avoid.

another thing you may not know about my brother? he has quite a story to tell, btw. so he enlisted in the army, i believe it was 2000, when he was *still in high school* & went to boot camp before his senior year at which time *BOTH* of his feet were broken, still he went on the grueling 15 mile (i think that's the length) hike in full gear...then offered to carry the pack of a fellow soldier who was not able to finish with her pack--with broken feet (do you know how *heavy* those packs are?!). around that time, his lungs collapsed & he made sharp shooter. eventually scotty worked into the special forces-psychological operations--& during his first year in college was sent to iraq for 18 months, i believe. he was in fallujah & he was in iraq when sadam hussain was captured...& also had to miss my wedding b/c a commander (?) decided to change his home leave dates at the last minute (jerk). what i'm getting at here is he has lived through what most of us could not imagine. & then he got married a few years later...then twin girls came another few years later! talk about living through a second war *wink*.
***
i had a dream yesterday morning, on his official birthday (oct 11). it was at my house, in the back yard. my entire family was all there complete with the 4 little girls, who were playing outside with myself, wes, scotty, & cal. my mom, sister, leila, & dad were inside my house, just sitting there talking & joking around. a normal family hang out time. suddenly i look out to the right of the back yard & there was a HUGE grizzly bear, standing on the hind legs roaring at my brother. i yelled for scotty to run but instead he attacked the bear by hitting it in the nose & tearing for its eyes. the bear engulfed him in its huge arms & tried to bite his head & neck but somehow my brother kept ducking & swinging at the bear. did i mention there was a bear cub that the 4 little girls were playing with?

during this time of my brother fighting the bear, i was frantically trying to call 911 but kept hitting the wrong numbers calling random people. my dad was trying to distract the bear by throwing rocks at it & my mom & sister were huddling the girls in the house while cal & wes were trying also to distract the bear by beating on its back. so i finally call 911 & tell them there's a bear in my backyard attacking my brother & they didn't believe me...then i saw a male lion run by into my back yard (yea, craaa--zzzy westerville, lol) & the lion charged at my brother who was suddenly up in the tree with the bear on our swing set trying swinging at my brother with its arms. the lion climbed up the tree & scotty & the lion began to climb around, fighting, tree limbs breaking & him falling & then attacking again. by this time scotty was totally bloody & gashes everywhere...& no one knew what else to do.

all i kept thinking was that if i had taken his advice & bought a gun we could have killed the wild animals by now. we were all just like 'what do we do now?!' suddenly, two small kids ran up to us & asked if their lion & bear where here & we were like 'what?! are you stupid?!' & then the police in full gear game & killed the animals. my brother was in the tree, totally mangled but still alive & he had this look of accomplishment & whispered to everyone 'i wrestled a bear & lion & won'.

i don't know what the whole point or meaning is. maybe it's just a weird dream! maybe it means that while the rest of us are some sort of by-standers & try to go about life in a different way, scotty takes on the most fearful creatures, with his bare hands nonetheless. or that he has such large predators preying on him & we don't even know how to help... at any rate, he is a protector by nature & also a fighter...god help the boys who attempt to date his daughters *my goodness* remember he's a sharp shooter/sniper?! but every family should be blessed with someone like my brother, who will risk everything to do the right thing, who is loyal & loving but will taunt you (okay, me) endlessly about political things just to pick a good-humored fight. someone who can smoke pork better than restaurants & build furniture from planks of wood. who knows how to love on & take care of two-two year old girls & also how to kill a person with just your hands 11 (or was it 21?) different ways...how to find the right woman to marry & also bring home beautiful vases & rugs from iraq for his sisters & mom.

as i mentioned earlier, i admire my brother for all of the above things...& just b/c he's my brother who found newborn puppies in the dog house with me. i love you, scotty!

at fireworks on july 4th, 2008 (w/ either chloe or zoe)

p.s. i remember you mentioning that when in contact with a grizzly that one is to act dead, curled in a ball? hmm...

in case you didn't catch on to this: if there is a disaster of any type, you will find wes & i & the girls racing towards cinnamon lake towards scotty so we will have a plan of survival. get scotty & wes together & we *could* live through that disaster (plus cal would keep everyone sane?). anyway, that's just an end thought.