all smiles

yesterday i knew adeline was feeling better b/c the first thing she accomplished after getting home? taking off her clothes. & same today, she came inside, threw her coat on the floor, backpack on the bench, hat in the basket & then ran into the living room. then she started to build a nest, of course, right after she took off her clothes. i'm thinking that this no-clothes policy is part of being her age, especially when i read other friend's blogs who have girls of similar age & see pictures of their kid without clothes on also. (phew, not just my kid being weird). so there you have it, adeline is feeling better.

as for amelia. well, amelia & i just finished a 25 minute snuggle time in that comfy rocking chair in her bedroom...during which i had much time to think without interruption (addy was watching a diego episode).

so i thought back to one terrible-parent-moment, a time i was at the mom's group, in fact, it was soon after i had decided to go regularly. we were meeting during the summer at a church, in a classroom where a day care was held also during the week (but not at the same time...following me here?). so i was bursting preggers with amelia & adeline was around 20 months or so, at that great age of severe mischief without an idea of obedience. or something like that. basically, at the age when adeline could be very charming or very rotten. on this day she chose to be very rotten & i was not taking it well & i remember also feeling very nauseous (yes, even at 7 or 8 months pregnant) & just plain pissy.

so on the floor was this tangle of yarn that was taped down...totally enticing to a 20 month old, right? but it was from the day care & we had been asked to leave the room in tip-top shape & not disturb, or something of that sort. so i kept going over to addy & telling her not to pull it up & try not to trip over it & will you stop pulling the yarn, just stop it. to which a 20 month old just looks at me & pulls on the yarn, etc.

so i kept going in between the table where the moms were discussing & answering questions (this was when the mom's group was a bit more formal) & then i would have to bound over to addy before she destroyed something, specifically the yarn situation. i remember just becoming so frustrated & being me, i started to cry when scolding adeline over in a corner. not b/c i felt embarrassed or whatever, but b/c i was just so upset (when i get upset, i cry...it's so annoying!). anyway, i don't think anyone knew i shed a few tears. but after that i gave up going over to addy & scolding her, i just started to sorta hiss or do this weird whisper-yell thing to her across the room. something a toddler really responds to, right? *smile*

my scolding of addy started to interrupt the discussion & that's when i started to get embarrassed...& to this day, i am so embarrassed that i hissed at my child across the room, that i used the type of parenting tactics that are of no use. yea & was very rude by interrupting everyone...

i'm not sure why i remembered this today. maybe b/c i just went to this mom's group today & as amelia was investigating this new house i was totally different. maybe it's b/c i'm not knocked up & nauseous. or maybe it's b/c i'm a bit more relaxed as a parent this time around. i mean, really, was i truly to think a 20 month old wouldn't try to constantly pull up a mess of yarn on the floor?! what's funny is that all the other moms were like 'uh, i think it'll be okay' every time i ran over to scold addy but i was like 'no! she shouldn't do that!'

so i guess here's me saying thanks to this group of women who have sat around a table with me long enough to see it all. i really, super know i'm not a perfect parent & i especially know my kids aren't perfect. it's just nice to know that i can go to a place--a room full of other parents!--& not feel judged by past or even present behavior (lol, from me or my child).

***

so what else did i think about over 25 quiet minutes, snuggling with my youngest?

well, i have this thought that since we somehow screwed up & painted the upstairs bathroom bright pink & before that purposefully painted the play room hot pink...well, i have this nagging feeling that we are going to suddenly & without planning to, get pregnant with a boy. really, if you knew me during either pregnancy you know i do *not* like being pregnant. i have no desire to have another biological child; really, our babies are such life-suckers...i don't think anyone thinks less of us for that statement (no more biological kids). at some point we may do foster-care-adoption, maybe, but like i said we *know* we don't want me to be pregnant again. (i shudder even thinking about it).

in response to that thought that some world-karma-thing will turn around & bite us with a biological boy pregnancy, i have decided we will paint amelia's room blue. maybe like robin's egg blue or something. but still, blue. to ward off all weird karma, if there is such a thing.

***
another thought? gluten free eating. after over a week of doing this gf eating, i'm not so emotional about it all. in fact, i think we've eaten rather well this past week (minus ALL salads i ingested, which were only 3, but still). i certainly know i wouldn't just choose to eat this way. i don't necessarily think it's healthier in the end b/c there are so many unhealthy food choices still out there for me (fries, chips, ice cream, etc). i do need to get better at preparing lunches for myself.

but last night marked an important milestone: i ate part of a green pepper...& 90 minutes later, i wasn't in terrible pain, laying curled up on my bed with a heating pad on my stomach. about 2 hours after eating, i had a slight stomach ache but nothing more than what most might get after eating a large cheeseburger, fries, & then peppermint ice cream. really, i hardly noticed the stomachache. which is amazing.

i have really been hoping that this whole gluten free & celiac stuff is wrong. you know, maybe dr im will call tomorrow & be like 'GAH THEY MIS-LABELED THE BLOODWORK! YOU DON'T HAVE CELIAC DISEASE!' & then i'd eat an entire pizza myself, then have a cinnamon roll, then... i mean, who would *want* to have this sort of diet? but now i can see that it's paying off. so that's good & bad, in a way. i now have proof that it's working. which is good b/c i actually kinda sorta like peppers!

***

& what could be better than this: i am downstairs, typing this & the girls are upstairs in amelia's room (i believe in her crib somehow, from the sounds of it), playing together. adelien is belting out the abc song, amelia is screech-singing, someone is jumping, then amelia laughs. so which is the good part, that i'm down here & they're not (!) or b/c they're playing together, happily? or both...